Broken
by MissCassiebaby
Summary: Post DH. Harry struggles with the death and guilt of the past.Can he survive the aftermath. Reedited and reposted. please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer I do not and never will own any of the Harry Potter characters or environments. I just like to play around with it.**_

_**A/N This is an edited version of the original that I wrote. All but one song was taken out. The only reason the one song was left as it was is that I need it in the story to keep it moving in the direction I want.**_

Broken

Chapter 1

Harry, Ron and Hermione left Dumbledore's office with out saying a word to each other. They didn't need to after this year they could tell what each were thinking with out words. Slowly they made their way to the Great Hall where the dead from the battle still lay. Ron and Hermione grasp each other's hands as they entered but stopped when they noticed Harry who had stopped walking.

"Are you coming Harry?" Hermione asked. Her voice cracked a little.

"Yes, I just need a few minutes." Harry said struggling to control the lump that had formed in his throat. He looked away for a brief minute. "You two go ahead I'll be there in a moment."

"Are you sure, Mate?" Ron asked as if looking for a reason to stay behind.

"Yeah Go on. Your family needs you." Harry said quickly turning his eyes away from Ron. He knew that the Weasely's had always felt him to be a member of their family. He couldn't face them not just yet.

"Ok We'll see you inside." Ron said pulling Hermione along beside him. Harry watched them walk in as the door closed behind them. He took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to celebrate that Voldemort was dead and he now could have a future. But at what cost. He knew no one else blamed him for any of the deaths but he blamed himself. It was his fault. He met the Weasely's and had became close to them and if they had never met Fred would still be there. George wouldn't have lost an ear.

Harry took another deep breath as he opened the door and stepped in. He tried not to look up. He couldn't look any one in the eye. He looked at the bodies. Occasionally he would recognize a face and would have to close his eyes to fight back the urge to run. When he got to Colin Creevey's body it was one of the hardest. He stopped for just a second and looked into Colin's face that looked peaceful. He wanted to run out and never come back. Dennis was back in the castle with his parents who merely looked sadly at Harry and gave a weak nod as he gave them his condolences hoping that they sounded better to the family than they did to him.

He managed to pull away and force himself to go on. A few feet away amongst some bodies of people he didn't recognize he found Remus and Tonks. He tried to look into Andromeda's eyes but could only manage to look at her chin as he tried his best to comfort her. She hugged him as if she knew she even in her sorrow could do more for him than he could do for anyone at the moment.

It was his fault little Teddy would be without his parents. If he had just been a little faster he could have gotten to the forest before the battle started. How could he look any of them in the eye. He was the one that should be dead. They didn't deserve any of this.

Finally she let go of him and he started walking again towards the red headed family that was in front of him. Ron looked up at Harry but noticed that Harry wasn't looking at any of them. Harry stared white faced at Fred's motionless body. Ron and Hermione knew that he had yet to see Madame Pomfrey. He refused to until everyone else had been taken care of. Ron walked over to Harry and started to ask him if he was ok when Harry waved him off with a nod. Ron rejoined Hermione.

Mrs. Weasely looked up from where she was sitting next to the body with tears streaming down her face. She was talking to Harry but He couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears. She looked back down at Fred. Other family members were talking but Harry just stared willing his mouth to say something. He just felt like He was broken into a million little pieces with no hope of being put back together.

Ginny looked at Harry. She knew something was wrong just by the look on his face. Of course her brother was dead along with so many others but she knew it wasn't just that. She was leaning on her brother Bill's shoulder and leaned over and whispered her fears in his ear. He looked up at Harry and nodded.

Bill looked at Fluer and mouthed "I'll be right back" as he got up and made his way to Harry. The rest of the family watched as Bill walked over to Harry. Mr. Weasely almost gasped at the look of Harry. Harry had grown so pale and looked like he was about to fall over. He started to get up but Bill motioned for the rest to stay where they were.

"Harry why don't you sit down?" Bill asked kindly. Harry couldn't answer the lump in his throat threatened to dislodge if he tried so he merely shook his head. Bill put his arm around Harry's shoulders. Bill could feel the boy shaking trying to control himself the best he could. Bill whispered "Would you like to go outside for some air?" Harry nodded. Bill kept his arm around Harry as they made their way out. People were staring as they passed but Harry didn't care.

Finally they made it outside and onto a bench Bill let Harry catch his breath before speaking to him. Harry kept looking at his feet as he tried to breath properly.

"Harry, Are you ok?" Bill started.

"Yeah I'm sorry I just couldn't handle it in there. I wanted to run out but I couldn't even manage that."

"It's okay I know what you mean." Bill said quietly.

"I can't do this anymore." Harry whispered. Bill looked at him with a fearfull look.

"Harry what do you mean?" Bill said looking at him. He noticed that Harry refused to look him in the eyes. But he didn't need to in order to see the pain that Harry felt. Harry looked up the stars as he tried to find the words.

"Bill It's all my fault. I can't pretend that it isn't." He said waving Bill off as he tried to interupt. "I feel it deep down in my soul. It should have been me Bill. I should be the only one lying in there. It was me Voldemort wanted. If I had been smarter I'd have figured it out sooner. If I hadn't met Ron on the train your family would be all safe. It's my fault that My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Moody, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, Colin, and Fred and so many others are gone. If it wasn't for me they would all be here. "

"Harry it's not your fault. It's war. People die in wars."

"Bill you don't understand. I should be dead. But I'm not and it hurts. I feel like I'm broke and I can't be fixed. I always laughed when I heard the nursery rhymn Humpty Dumpty but you know I think I know how that Damn Egg felt. Bill, This hurts so bad. I can't do this anymore. It hurts to bad."

Harry looked for the first time into Bill's eyes. In those brief moments Bill could see the pain in the young man's eyes. The shattered look in his eyes broke Bill's heart more than he thought was possible with the death of his brother.

"Why did I chose to come back? Neville was going to kill nagini which he did. Some one else could have killed Voldemort. Why did I come back?" Harry asked himself with out realizing he was saying it out loud.

"What do you mean you chose to come back and some else could have killed Voldemort? You had to be the one to do it that is what the prophesy said." Bill asked quickly.

"I was the last horacrux. That was what Ron, Hermione and I were doing for the past several months. Voldemort had made what we thought was seven horacruxes. We had gotten all of them except for Nagini. Then I found out through Snape's Memories that I was the eighth horacrux formed when he tried to kill me as a baby."

"I still don't understand."

"Do you remember when Voldemort called the break? I went into the forest and met Voldemort. I was hit by the killing curse again. I went to this place and I met Dumbledore there. We talked for a while and he explained a few things to me and gave me the choice to come back or to go on. And I chose to come back."

"You what? I don't understand. You couldn't have." Bill said in disbelieve. As Harry pulled his shirt up to expose where the curse hit him. Bill shuddered at the sight. "Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?"

Harry shook his head. "I will but not until everyone is taken care of."

"Harry We don't blame you at all. It's war. War is ugly."

"Bill I know every one is going to tell me it isn't my fault and that they don't want me to blame myself. But I……" Harry managed to say before a tear finally started to fall and he could no longer control his emotions. He looked once more at Bill and started to weep uncontrollably. Bill put his arms around him and let him cry and fought his own tears

Harry cried until he collapsed in pure exhaustion. Bill quickly picked Harry up and carried him up to the Gryffindor tower. He put him in his old dorm room and made sure he was safe before heading down stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ginny led the way up to the common room where McGonagall said the family could all sleep tonight. As they entered the common room they saw Bill come down the stairs. Ron and Hermione looked up and started to go towards when Bill stopped them.

"Guys don't Harry's asleep. Leave him be for a while. If any of us need it it's him." Bill said as he put his arms around his wife. Mrs. Weasely nodded as she started getting things set for her family to sleep tonight.

"How was he after you took him out Bill?" She asked as she transfigured another couch into another cot.

"Mum He was bad. I thought George and Percy was taking it all hard but they have nothing on Harry. He blames himself for every ones death. He seems to think that He could have done something more."

"But no one feels he is to blame." Charlie said.

"I know Charlie. But he still feels it and it's going to take more than us just saying it to help him feel it himself. I could barely believe every thing he told me."

"Bill what did he tell you?" Molly Weasely said sitting in one of the chairs.

"He said he couldn't do this any more. Mum, He said that he should be dead."

"No He didn't. please tell me he didn't say that." Molly said turning white.

"I wish I could. Mum did you and dad know he was hit a second time tonight with the killing curse and survived it."

"WHAT?" Molly screamed falling back in shock.

"He went into the forest during the break. And he faced Voldemort. He died tonight."

"But he is here. He couldn't have. He wouldn't have. He never said goodbye." Ginny stuttered out.

"Ginny He did I saw the mark the curse left. He told me that he was given the choice to go on or return and he chose to come back."

"Bill it's a good thing he came back though surely he knows how much we all love him." Molly said with tears falling.

"Mum Harry knows but I don't think he thinks he deserves it. I didn't know what to say. Usually when he is upset you can reason with him with good logic. But I looked in his eyes the one time he met mine and I've never seen him look that way. I swear I never want to see it again. He looks like a broken man. He refuses to get medical treatment until everyone else is seen too. And he needs treatment the sooner the better. Mum if we aren't careful we may lose him too."

"Bill are you sure?" Mr. Weasely said when he finally found his voice.

"Yes He isn't doing well at all." Bill said looking around. His eyes stopped when he came to Ginny. Her eyes were wide and her face had went white. She was biting her lip. He could tell that she was going to run. Charlie who had caught his eye nodded with an unspoken understanding that when she did he would go after her.

Percy looked at their Mum who was now all out sobbing and moved to put his arm around her. George finally looked up and spoke for the first time since Fred's body was brought into the Great Hall. "Isn't there something we can do? There has got to be something. I mean Harry is like a brother. Losing one brother is hard enough We can't lose another."

"George I don't know what we can do but I believe I will talk with McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey. In the mean time I don't believe we should leave Harry alone." Arthur Weasely said. The family nodded as he headed out to find McGonagall.

All of a sudden a scream filled the tower. George beat every one to the stairs and ran up the stairs followed by Percy. A second later Percy returned with the news that Harry was having nightmares. Ron and Hermione sighed and said that they would go sit with him for a while. George returned to the common room after Ron and Hermione replaced him. His face was drained of all color as he sat back down.

"Bill I just looked into his eyes. I've never seen anyone look like that. It's like He's giving up." George said with a tear falling down his face. "Mum I can't lose him too. Ron can't either. I saw the way Ron looked when he saw what I saw. We can't lose him."

Ginny let out a strangled cry as she flew past her family and out of the portrait. Percy started but Charlie shook his head "No Percy watch Mum and George I'll go. She will talk to me." Percy nodded.

Charlie followed his sister the best that he could and finally found her outside on a bench beneath a tree. He could tell she wasn't crying but was very close. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. She melted into his hug.

"hey it's ok I'm here." Charlie said quietly. Ginny looked up at her big brother.

"Charlie I know I should be sad about Fred and everything. Don't get me wrong I am sad but right now I'm scared for Harry. I feel guilty because it makes me sound like I care more for Harry than my own brother."

"Ginny it's ok. It is ok to be worried about Harry. And don't feel guilty for wanting to help some one you love when they need it. As for being sad for Fred I know you are sad we all are. But even through our tears and sorrow life goes on. We have other things and people we need to worry about."

Ginny took a few minutes to digest what her brother said.

"Why didn't he tell me good bye before he went into the forest? What if he chose not to come back?"

"Oh Gin I wish I could answer all your questions. But what I do know is he did chose to come back to us. Now all we can do is be there when he needs us. He'll come around it just takes time."

"I just wish I could help him"

"We all do."

"Charlie I love him. I love Harry so bad it hurts. I know he loves me. I know he broke up with me but I knew why. He didn't want to endanger me anymore than I already was. He was right. Voldemort would have targeted me if we were still together."

Charlie hugged her tighter as her voice cracked. As she continued to speak. "Charlie it hurts to see him like this."

"I know Ginny. I wish I could take it all away from both of you." He said rubbing her back.

"Charlie what if he doesn't pull through this? What if he gives up on living?"

"He won't. We just have to have faith." Charlie said quickly.

"I don't know if I can do this with out him."

"Do what?" Charlie asked nervously_._

"Do this whole getting on with my life thing. I'm not strong enough for this. I can't lose him I just can't" Ginny said barely containing her sobs.

"I know It's going to be ok he come around." He said cupping her chin in his hand. "Look at me. He is going to be alright."

Ginny started to shake as the sobs overtook her finally. Charlie held his baby sister as she cried. When she finally calmed down He took her back to the common room where her mother helped her into bed before turning in herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Arthur Weasely walked briskly into the great hall stopping long enough to look down at his son and say a quick prayer. He then looked up to see Minerva McGonagall standing near the teacher's table with Kingsley Shacklebolt. Kingsley had been named the temporary Minister of Magic and was still considered a good friend to the Weasely's. He slowly approached the two and cleared his throat to let them know he was there.

"Arthur, I thought you and your family went up to bed hours ago." McGonagall said.

"I need to talk with you. Would it be possible for us to go outside?" Arthur said quickly glancing around.

"I'll leave you to it then." Kingsley said.

"No Kingsley you might want to hear this too."

Minerva led them outside to a small walk area outside the castle. She finally came to a couple of benches and they sat down. Arthur looked worse than he had just after the battle and the family had surrounded Fred's body.

"Arthur, I'm sorry about Fred. Even though him and his brother George caused me more headaches then the rest of your children put together, I have to say he was one of my favorites." McGonagall said with a tear forming.

"Thank you Minerva."

"I hate to break in here but how is Harry? I saw Bill lead him out earlier and never saw them return." Kingsley asked.

"That is actually what I need to talk over with you. Harry isn't doing very well at all. He refuses medical treatment until everyone else gets it."

"Does He need to get treatment? He seemed physically fine when I seen him in the Great Hall earlier and when we were talking in the headmasters office."

"Minerva, Kingsley I don't know how much he told you But tonight he was hit by a curse."

Minerva gasp as Kingsley managed to reply that Harry had not said anything to them about it.

"I don't know the details we will have to get them from Harry when he wakes up again. But he was hit by the killing curse tonight during the break in the battle. He evidently went to the forest and faced Voldemort then."

"How did he survive then?" Kingsley asked uncertainly.

"He died Kingsley. He seen the other side but was given the choice of going on or coming back. He obviously chose to come back." Arthur said with a shaky voice.

"Arthur we will have Madame Pomfrey take a look at him as soon as he wakes up." Minerva said as she made a move to flee them before she lost control of herself. But was stopped by Arthur.

"Minerva, that isn't all." he said waiting for her to sit back down. When she sat back down he continued. "He isn't taking the deaths very well. Not that we expected him to but it is worse than we thought it would be. Percy and George are doing far better than he is. And that is saying a lot."

"Arthur I don't understand." Minerva asked.

"He blames himself for their deaths. And just not those who died tonight. Every one from his parents to those who died tonight." Arthur told them. Kingsley was the first to respond. "Arthur surely he can't believe it is his fault. If not for him we would still be fighting Voldemort right this minute."

"Kingsley I honestly think he does. He told Bill that it should have been him that died. That he shouldn't have came back."

"Bill says Harry looks like a broken man. And We are afraid that after all this we may lose him. It's almost like he's given up. I don't know what to do for him. We are taking turns sitting with him even though he is asleep. He's having nightmares worse than he's had before. If you two have any idea's I'd appreciate it. My family can't lose one more person. Harry's like family and I don't want to think what Ron and Ginny are going to be like if the worst does happen. Harry is Ron's best friend and Ginny she loves him so."

"I think it would be best if you do not leave Harry alone. And that we force him to see Madame Pomfrey." Minerva said. "I think you are doing everything you can do."

Kingsley sat there thinking. After a few seconds he finally spoke "I think we should have a memorial service for every one that died before the funerals begin. So that no one is alone right now. I think it may help if Harry is surrounded by people who love him and care about him."

"When do you want to have it?" Minerva asked.

"lets see how about in four days? That would give us time to get everyone who is family and friends of those lost to get here. And I could ask Harry if he would like to say a few words." Upon seeing both Arthur and Minerva about to argue he added. "at the end if he chose to all he would have to do is slowly stand up and I would announce him."

"We could try it. I think we should all mourn together then we can grieve alone knowing we aren't really alone." Arthur said.

They continued to discuss plans for the service. After several minutes Arthur said his good evenings and headed back up to the Gryffindor common room where he found most of his family still awake. Ginny was the only one asleep. Charlie and George was sitting near Percy by the fire. Ron and Hermione was talking with Mrs. Weasely. Molly separated from the teens and walked over to her husband.

"Minerva and Kingsley wants us to force Harry to see Madame Pomfrey when he wakes up. Also we are too continue not allowing him to be alone. They also want us to have a memorial service out by the lake in four days. Kingsley plans on asking Harry to say a few words."

"Arthur The boy can't possibly you seen how he was. After what Bill told us."

"Molly calm down he said that He would ask and let Harry decide during the service. If he wanted to all he has to do is signal to Kingsley. One of the reason for the service is so that we all know we are not alone."

Arthur led Molly back to where the children were all gathered. He looked at his family noticing that Bill and Fleur was missing. He surmised that they were up with Harry. He cleared his throat for their attention.

"We will be having a memorial service here at Hogwarts in four days for all those we lost. So we will be staying until then. Now I'm sure you know that I went to talk to Professor McGonagall about Harry. Now when he wakes up we will be forcing him to get treatment for his injuries. He is not to be left alone right now." Every one nodded as were told to go on to bed. Arthur told Molly he was going to check up on Harry. Percy mumbled to wake him when it was his turn to sit with Harry.

As Arthur made his way up the stairs he ran into Fleur coming down to the common room. She had quiet tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Fleur what's wrong?" Arthur asked but could not get an answer. He called for Molly and ran up the rest of the stairs. He burst into the dorm where he found Bill holding Harry down. Harry was having some sort of convulsion it seemed.

"Bill what happened?"

"He sat up all of a sudden eyes wide open and then they rolled back and he started shaking and jerking all over."

George ran into the room panting from the effort. "What is going on? Fleur is crying and Mum can't get any information from her."

"George Harry is bad off go get Madame Pomfrey now." His dad said.

George ran out of the room and down the stairs straight past his mother and out of the common room.

"Mum we had better wake Ginny." Ron said with a concerned look towards his little sister. Molly nodded at her son as she gently shook her youngest awake.

"Ginny dear you need to wake up."

"What Mum?" Ginny asked groggily.

"It's Harry. He's taken sick."

Ginny sat up quickly. "Where is he?"

"He's in his room. George went to go get Madame Pomfrey." Molly said as she started up the stairs. "Ron watch over Ginny if you will."

George was running as fast as he could. He had finally made it to the hospital wing. He searched the entire place bed curtain by bed curtain. Finally he found her giving a potion to a young injured man. She looked up as he came closer.

"Madame Pomfrey you have to come with me now."

"Mr. Weasely As you can see I am very busy. I can not be at your beck and call. Now bring who ever it is here and I'll be happy to help." the highly stressed nurse said.

"But it's Harry, He's having a fit or something. We can't move him." George pleaded.

"Take me there." the nurse said as she grabbed her bag and followed George. Minerva who had just walked in upon seeing the two leaving so quickly decided to follow.

"Poppy would you mind telling me where we are going?" Minerva asked the healer.

"Harry has taken sick."

After several minutes they arrived in the Gryffindor Tower. As they entered they found the Weasely's along with several members of the D.A that had arrived. Madame Pomfrey went straight up to the dorm room where Harry was while Professor McGonagall tried to find out what happened. Fleur was inconsolable while Ginny was going from tearful to anger. Finally Bill came down looking completely worn out.

"Bill Can you please tell me what is going on?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Harry was sleeping when all of a sudden He sat straight up and his eyes flew open then they rolled back into his head and he started shaking and jerking. I had to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself." Bill said shakily.

They all sat in silence as they waited for Madame Pomfrey to come down. A half hour later she came down followed by Arthur. She looked tired. After a few minutes she finally broke the silence. "Harry is going to be ok. He was having a reaction to his untreated scar. He just needs a lot of rest. Some one will of course need to stay with him over night."

"I will" Charlie said quickly. He started up the stairs with out looking at any one else. He couldn't do much for any one else but he could take care of Harry for the night. He sat down near the bed and watched him sleep. Harry flinched every so often scaring Charlie. After a few hours Charlie had drifted off to sleep but was woken by a scream from Harry. Harry screamed out for those lost one by one. Charlie sat frozen. He knew he should do something but he was to scared to move.

Ginny couldn't sleep after surveying the sleeping figures to ensure she could sneak up to Harry's dorm with out being caught she made her way up the stairs. Ginny could hear screams coming from the room as she neared it. Quietly she opened the door to see Harry laying there screaming for those lost. Charlie looked pale. Ginny walked over to the bed and sat on the side. She calmly started to stroke the side of his face. She sat back on the bed leaning against the head board as she continued to caress his cheek and to murmur soft comforts to him. Soon he laid his head in her lap and slept peacefully as she continued to stroke his hair. She stayed like that for hours until she fell asleep with Harry's head still in her lap.

Several hours later Molly came rushing into the room searching for her daughter. She was about to yell when Charlie caught her eye. He motioned her to follow him outside. As they reached the landing she turned on her son with a fury.

"Charlie do you know how worried I was? Or how it looks her being in the same bed as Harry?" she stammered.

"Mum first I'm sure she didn't mean to worry you but in case you haven't noticed she has a few worries on her mind as well and most of them are lying in that bed in there. Mum she loves Harry. It's not a school crush or a hero worship anymore. Do you remember her rushing out earlier today? I went and I talked to her. She was upset. She had just lost a brother and she is terrified that she was going to lose Harry too. You know what she said. She didn't know if she could do this with out him. And as for how it looks. Mum Honestly I was in there the entire time so no one is going to think any thing of it. When she came in He was screaming in his sleep. He was screaming the names of every person that died in the battle over and over and I was too scared to do anything. I couldn't move. I've never heard anything that agonized in my life. Not even a mother Dragon whose baby has died sounds as horrible as him crying out for those who'll never answer. Then Ginny came in. She sat on the bed and stroked his face and murmured comforting words. She sat there and finally got him to sleep peacefully with his head in her lap. And only after she made sure he was ok did she allow herself to fall asleep. She did what I couldn't bring my self to even attempt."

"Charlie, I never imagined. OH I'm so sorry." Molly said as tears fell. "Lets go ahead down stairs with the others."

"Mum would it be to much trouble for me to get a couple of hours of sleep?"

"Of course not."

Charlie went and laid down as Molly went in to sit with Ginny and Harry. Soon it was lunch time and Ginny was starting to wake up. She stretched and upon opening her eyes she was shocked to see her mother calmly sitting next to the bed.

"Mum it isn't what it looks like."

"I know dear, Charlie explained. But please next time you feel the need to venture up here leave a note. Scared me out of my mind I woke up and couldn't find you. Why on earth did you think of coming up here in the first place?" Molly whispered do her daughter.

"Mum I woke up all of a sudden and felt the need to come up here. So I did and as I neared the door I heard Harry's screams So I came to him. I didn't really know what to do but I just reacted. I just did what my heart told me to do."

"Ginny I have a serious question for you. How long have you been able to sense when Harry needed you?"

"For years now. Mum. I love him."

"I think it's time we wake him up so you can go and eat something."

"Harry wake up." Ginny said shaking him lightly. "Come on Harry you got to wake up now. "

Harry's eyes fluttered open. "Ginny what are you doing here?"

"Well now I'm waking you up." Ginny said helping him sit up. "Now do you think you can go down stairs or are you feeling too weak?"

"I think I can make it."

Ginny and her mum held him up a bit as he came to his feet. Slowly they managed to get him down into the Common room where the rest of the Weasely's were waiting for them. Kingsley was there now as well.

"Harry may I have a word for you before you go down to eat?" Kingsley asked.

"Yes Kingsley, what do you need?"

"Well we have decided to have a memorial service for those we have lost in three days from now. I would like to ask you to be a speaker during it. Now you don't have to answer now or even before it begins. Just stand up and nod and then I'll introduce you. Think about it at least. Now lets get you down to eat some lunch."

Finally they all went down for lunch. Ginny walked right beside Harry the whole way to the great hall. They sat down as a family at the Gryffindor table. After a quiet lunch Harry and Ginny walked to the empty classroom where Fred's body along with a few others had been moved. Harry held Ginny as she cried for her brother. Ginny cried on Harry's shoulders knowing that tonight it would be her that comforted him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next three days drifted by unnoticed. They all became robotic in their actions. Harry stayed by Ginny's side during the day. Hermione felt torn between staying by Ron and checking on Harry. But Ginny gave her a look to say it was ok. Mrs. Weasely was holding it together as was every one else. Soon they headed down to breakfast They all ate quietly and soon headed up to change for the service.

Ron and Harry changed silently in their dorm along with Neville and most of the Weasely men.

"So Harry have you decided if you are going to speak yet?" Ron asked causing everyone to stop and turn towards Harry.

"I don't know yet." he said suddenly becoming interested in the sleeve of his robes.

"Harry you don't have to make a decision just now. Let's go see if the ladies are ready to go." Arthur said as he led them out. As they came down the stairs they found Molly, Ginny, Hermione, Fleur and Augusta Longbottom waiting for them. Slowly they made their way out of the castle. Somewhere they met up with Luna and several other members of the D.A. Andrameda met them as they neared the lake where the seats had been set up. Neville and his grandmother along with the other D.A members found seats behind the family row.

As the Weasely's found the family row, Harry fell back as if unsure where he was supposed to go. Charlie saw Harry looking around awkwardly and came beside him long enough to say "Come on Harry your family now." Harry nodded as the family sorted them selves out. The first row was for the families. Arthur counted eleven seats in and took his place followed by Molly. Bill and Fleur sat down next with Charlie beside her. Percy sat down next to George who was on his right. Next to George was Ron followed by Hermione who held his hand. Ginny sat next to Hermione and Harry sat down next to her. Harry held Ginny's hand like she was the only thing that mattered.

Soon all the seats were taken and Kingsley in his official robes made his way to the podium. Kingsley magically enhanced the microphone that they put on the podium. In his clear deep voice he began:

" Ladies and Gentle men before we begin I must ask those of you with the press please refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony many of our survivors are having flashbacks when your camera goes off." he stopped for a second and then shifting his focus to the friends and family of the fallen he began again.:

"We are here today to remember those who died so heroically to win our freedom. To be able to sleep in safety. To know that our families will be safe from persecution because of bloodlines or any other falsehood. Not only do we remember them but we celebrate their lives."

As He started going through the names of the lost, Ginny could feel Harry flinch as if each name was a current of electricity. She tightened her grip on his hand.

"Heroes are people who do remarkable things with courage and determination. Each of these people have shown their bravery and will forever be remembered." Kingsley stepped back and a young woman came forward to sing a song. The music was sad and slow.

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand as she started to cry a little. Molly sniffled loudly. Harry didn't look at any one he stared at the girl singing as if he was willing the song to be over. His heart ached with as much pain as if the curse was hitting him over and over.

All around him people were crying but Harry kept a stoic look on his face. He had the feeling if he started allowing himself to feel the pain he would start to cry and never stop. He had to get through it for the Weasely's and all the others who lost someone. He had to be strong.

As the last notes ended she walked silently to her seat and Kingsley stood up and found his place at the podium. Kingsley started to speak about those lost about what he saw that made each one special. From Collin's determination to fight to Fred's ability to make people smile during the worst times. As Kingsley spoke nausea filled Harry until he couldn't sit there any longer. He let go of Ginny's hand and stood up and bolted towards the back. Kingsley noticed but didn't skip a beat. Ron started to go after Harry but Arthur motioned that he would go.

Harry walked quickly to the back past the rows. As he neared the reporters flashbulbs started to go off. Harry all of a sudden was back in the middle of the battle with streaks of light coming at him. Harry started to shake violently and grasp at his clothes looking for his wand or any wand for that matter.

Arthur upon seeing the lights started running to where Harry stood paralyzed. No sooner had he arrived did he find McGonagall at his side confiscating every camera they had. Arthur quietly told Minerva that he would take care of Harry. He put his arm around Harry's shaking shoulders and led him away from the service to a clump of trees where they could still hear the service. Harry fell to his knees and promptly threw up. Arthur conjured a cool rag and put it on the back of Harry's neck.

"I'm sorry. I just had to get a way for a few minutes. I didn't want to do that in front of everyone."

"Harry Don't be sorry. You're doing amazing just being there. As we all are." Arthur said clapping Harry on the shoulder. "Here just swoosh this around your mouth. It'll take away the taste."

Harry took the water and did as instructed. After grabbing a breath mint, He was led back to their seats and sat down by Ginny. Ginny looked at him and he just mouthed the words sorry about that. She nodded. She took his hand again as they started listening to Kingsley again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Soon a piano appeared on stage and a young witch sat at it and started playing a slow tune as Four wizards that Harry recognized walked on stage. Neville, Dean, Seamus, and Dennis each stood holding a microphone. Neville started the song in the lead.

Harry could hear a small strangled cry coming from further down the row. He finally looked away towards the sound and saw Mrs. Creevy rocking back and forth sobbing. Harry released Ginny's hand and answered her questioning look with a look that said I'll be right back I have to do this. He quietly made his way to her as the song went on. Harry knelt in front of Mrs. Creevy. She looked at him and started crying and beating her fists into his chest.

"It's you! You told him all about this stuff. If it hadn't been for you my baby would still be here." She wailed as the song went on.

Mr. Creevy tried to pull his wife off of Harry but Harry waved him off. She hit him until she couldn't move anymore for crying and finally Harry spoke. He spoke quietly and a little shakiness to it but reassuringly.

"Mrs. Creevy, Collin didn't fight for me. Or the school, or for wizards or Witches. He fought for the people he loved most in this world. He fought for you, his father and his brother. He knew what was coming if he didn't. He would have to register with the ministry of Magic and it wouldn't be long until Death eaters came after his family. And they would have killed you. Collin was smart enough to know that he had to do something to protect his family. Mrs. Creevy what your son did here nothing short of amazing. He gave his life so that you and your husband and Dennis could live in a world that was safe. Because He enjoyed life he wanted Dennis to grow up and enjoy it too. Grown people had trouble doing what your son did. He fought not for the glory or the gratitude but because it was right. Your son is a hero and I am proud to have known him and call him friend. I will understand If you blame me for the rest of your life. But I want you to understand just what your son did for you." Harry concluded as the woman hugged him tight as sobs racked her body. He looked over to see tears coming down Mr. Creevy's eyes as he said "Thank you" Harry was finally released and he made his way back to his seat. As he went to his seat he heard those who overheard him talking to the distraught mother sniffling. He finally got back to his seat and sat down next to Ginny who took his hand and squeezed it.

The music ended and Dennis walked to the podium. He took a quick drink of water and cleared his throat.

"When I was asked if I would say a few words about my brother I of course said yes. But I didn't know what I was going to say. I could talk about what a great brother he was. Or I could talk about how brave he was or how I'll miss him. So I sat down and thought and I remembered some stories that I would like to share with all of you. I remember him not as a hero but as a brother. I remember just after he got his first letter from Hogwarts. After he finally understood what it meant He was excited. I wanted to be excited for him but I was a bit jealous even through I knew that it wasn't his fault. So after several months of him promising that he'd write me often I saw him off with our parents. He proved good to his word. I received more letters from him than I was able to respond to. My parents used to get so frustrated by all the owls. But they got used to them. "

There were a few chuckles at the thought of the two parents getting flustered over the birds. Even Mrs. Creevy put a weak smile on.

"The first thing I noticed in all of his letters that first year was all he could talk about was how awesome every thing was. And Harry Potter. I heard so much about him and saw so many pictures I was almost afraid that I had been replaced."

Harry looked away for a brief moment. Dennis noticed but went on determinedly.

"Towards the end of the term He ended up petrified and no one could explain why. People were starting to blame Harry for it. But after Collin finally was brought around. After every thing he went through He still said nothing but good things about Harry. He knew not because He worshiped Harry like some thought. My brother had an uncanny sense about people and their character. He was rarely if ever wrong. The term ended and he came home and talked about everything incessantly until I received my letter. He was so excited that we would be going the next year to Hogwarts together. He was quick to point everything and every one out to me. Especially Harry."

Harry looked at the Creevy's who were staring at their youngest son in rapt attention. Mrs. Creevy had a tear coming down her face again. Harry shook his head slowly as he turned his attention back to Dennis. He knew it was coming. He dreaded to have Dennis speak what he already knows. But he deserved it. At least the Creevy's were brave enough to tell the truth about it being his fault.

"My first year was just as exciting as Collin's was before me. I watched my brother with his confidence thrive. He still talked a lot of Harry but I didn't worry about it anymore because I knew Harry was trustworthy. Well soon that year ended with Harry fighting off dementors. But we were safe. The next year was exciting with the Triwizard Tourneyment coming to Hogwarts. Harry was somehow picked and Collin drug me to every one of the events. And then at the last one Cedric died and Harry came back saying that V-v-voldemort was back. Well we went home and Collin well he worried. He knew Harry was telling the truth."

Ron, Hermione and Ginny along with a lot of students that had memories of these events had tears in their eyes. Ginny looked at Harry in concern. His face was almost like stone as he squeezed her hand in reassurance. Hermione looked over briefly and elbowed Ron to have him look as well. Ron shook his head slowly. Mrs. Weasely seeing in the corner of her eye her youngest two wiggling in their seats turned as if to scold them with a look stopped short when she saw the pain in Harry's face. Harry was lost in the past. Every memory was another painful reminder of everything lost. He knew that most said that the memorial service was going to be so everyone would know they weren't alone in their grief, Harry had never felt more alone than in that moment.

"Then the D.A was formed and taught by Harry. Collin of course joined as did I. Harry taught us how to defend ourselves. He took the time with Collin to help him with difficult spells and shields. For a year though we didn't have it but this year Ginny and Neville and Luna got it together again. While Harry and his friends were out fighting we were doing what we could do to fight back in Hogwarts. Collin was so proud of himself and of me. We were doing something to rid the world of evil."

Dennis took another drink of water before beginning again.

"In the moments before the battle Collin told me that he decided he was going to fight. I begged him to let me come with him. I wanted to fight with him. But he wouldn't let me. I asked him why he was going to fight but not let me. I remember him telling me about some new rules the ministry had made about Muggle born's that I had not heard about. He hid those letters from Mum and Dad and I because he wanted to protect us. He knew if we registered like we were supposed to it wouldn't be long before Death Eaters would come knocking on our door and kill us all. He wouldn't let me fight because He knew he might die and he didn't want my parents to lose both of us in this fight. So I went to safety while he went off and fought. "

Tears again filled Mrs. Creevy's eyes as everything Harry had whispered to her earlier were confirmed by her youngest.

"I could blame myself for not stopping him. I could even blame Harry for teaching him how to fight back. But blame won't bring him back. If I blamed Harry well my brother would probably come back long enough to hex me into next week. I think it was Harry that inspired Colin to do what he had to do to protect me and my parents. My brother will always be remembered for his loyalty to anyone he ever considered a friend, his bravery in times of trouble and mostly because he was and still is my inspiration. And if I can become half the man he was I will be doing good."

Dennis walked down the steps and joined his parents where he collapsed into tears in his mother's arms. Harry wanted to run again but he couldn't move. He squeezed Ginny's hand as he handed her a new handkerchief with his other hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After a few moments of silence the music started again and a young Hufflepuff student came up with Microphone in hand. Harry heard the sound of a soft sob and a baby's small gurgle. He turned to see Andromeda sobbing into the baby's hair that had turned a bright pink. He looked at Ginny and told her once again that he would be right back. She released his hand reluctantly. She knew he was putting his own grieving on hold to take care of everyone else.

Harry walked down past the Weasely's where Andromeda was sitting. He knelt by her catching Arthur's eye for the briefest of moments. Harry put his arms around her carefully not to squeeze teddy between them. Molly offered to take the baby for a moment and Andromeda slowly allowed her too.

"My little girl" Andromeda cried over and over.

"I know." Harry said.

"Why did she have to go?"

"Dora was never one for sitting back when there was a fight to be fought."

Andromeda neared hysterics all of a sudden as Harry held her tighter.

"OH MY GOD, Harry she doesn't know I love her. Our last words were spoken in anger. She must have thought I hated her. I was so angry because she was coming to fight when the baby was so young." she managed to get out before the tears overcame her again.

"Dora knew you loved her. She knew that you were only concerned. She knew you loved her."

"What do I do know I've lost everything? My husband, my little girl. I don't know how to do this?"

"It's not going to be easy Andromeda. I'm not going to lie to you. There are going to be days when you won't want to get up. There will be days you feel like dying yourself. But your going to get up and take care of Teddy. For your daughter and for her husband and for your husband and for everyone else that died. Cause they all died for the little boy and all those little ones out there that they will live in a world where they will never have to be afraid. They will never have to be afraid because of their bloodlines or for their friends. It's going to take time. But your not alone"

"You have Teddy, and the Weasely's and Hermione, and you have me. I'm going to help you too. And you know a wise person once told gave me some words of wisdom those you love never really leave you as long as you carry them in your heart. Teddy will know his parents by the stories we share. We can keep their memory alive."

Harry looked her in the eye and nodded with a weak smile. She hugged him tightly before he rose to go back to his seat. Arthur and Molly who had heard every word he said were both wiping tears from their eyes as he passed them. He could feel the eyes of Bill and Fleur and Charlie who had obviously heard as well piercing his back but he ignored it as he took his seat. Taking Ginny's hand he whispered an apology for leaving again. She said nothing but gave him a look of understanding. The music slowly ended and Charlie rose and made his way up to the podium. He cleared his throat and with a pained look began:

"Nymphadora Tonks Lupin was one of my best friends in school and remained a good friend after even though we both went in our own direction in life. We may have been in different houses but she never let that stop her from making a friend. Once you were her friend you were her friend for life. Tonks as most people called her was clumsy and sometimes she said the wrong thing but you always knew her heart was in the right place. Her dream was to become an auror even though nearly everyone told her she was too clumsy and not powerful enough to do justice to the job. But I knew that she would be great at what ever she planned on doing. So it came to know surprise when I received a letter from her excitedly telling me that she was going into Auror training."

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand knowing that the worst was coming.

"Fast forward to three years ago when Voldemort made his return she was one of the first to join the fight. We watched as she did everything she was asked to do. I watched my best friend find the love of her life. I watched as she fell in love and married him and had a baby with him. I watched as she became the woman she was born to be."

"Tonks was not the type of person to sit back when people were suffering and dying. So for her to show up at Hogwarts for the battle was no surprise to anyone. She made the ultimate sacrifice to make sure that her little boy would have a peaceful world. I only wish I could have gotten here in time to see her in action. I bet she was a sight to behold. I know for me I have lost one of my best friends and will miss her but will remember her fondly. Dora will forever be missed by all of us. And her memory will live on in our hearts and in all of our minds."

Charlie stepped away from the podium and walked off the stage and rejoined his family. Harry looked down the row and saw Andromeda crying again. He felt the sting begin in his own eyes but forced it back. He had to be strong for everyone. He saw Ron staring stonily at the stage and knew it wouldn't be long until he broke. Hermione was already crying. Percy looked solemn but as if he too was trying to be strong for his family. Charlie had let a few tears fall but would not let anyone console him. Bill was holding Fleur as she cried silently. Molly was crying as she looked at Harry briefly and then turned her attention to the stage. Arthur looked like he wanted to cry but they wouldn't come.

Harry sat back all the guilt and shame hit him again. He didn't know if he could stay anymore. He tried to fight the urge to run again. As he watched a young Gryffindor walk onto the stage and the slow music start He couldn't sit there a moment longer. He flew out of his chair and ran down the aisle throwing his chair to the side as he went. The Weasely's all looked in shock at his fleeing figure. As the boy started singing, Molly got up and started after Harry.

Harry made it past the reporters without a single one trying to take his picture. He never even noticed the plump red headed witch following him. He managed to stop himself in the same clump of trees where he had found refuge earlier. He just stared listening to the song when he heard her coming up behind him.

"Harry" Molly said. "look at me"

With out looking up at her Harry replied. "What do you do when you just lose to much?"

Molly was startled by the broken sound that was in Harry's voice. Bill had said that he had heard it days ago but in the past few days Harry sounded so much like his old self that She thought he had gotten over the guilt. She made a move to hug the young man but He moved away.

"Mrs. Weasely All these people died and nothing will bring them back. Do you know every time I close my eyes I see each of their faces. Every night in my dreams they come to me they tell me I killed them. What if they are right?"

"Harry look at me."

Harry reluctantly looked in her eyes and what she saw almost shattered the remains of her broken heart. She had never realized that behind that strong front, he kept putting up was a pain that words would never heal.

"Harry, I know that words isn't going to take the pain away or anything else you are feeling. All I do know is that your not alone. And you can cry for everyone and everything you've lost. No one will ever think any less of you."

"Mrs. Weasely I know. Oh jeez I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be supportive of you and not you comforting me. I'm sorry."

"Harry don't be sorry. It's ok you just needed a minute." Molly smiled as she hugged him. She knew he still felt guilty but she knew that with time it would lesson. "Let's get back."

The walked back to their seats as the boy on the stage finished the song.

Harry took his seat and Ginny grabbed his hand and whispered it will be ok in his ear as Arthur walked up to the podium.

"Remus Lupin, was an amazing man. I still can't get used to speaking about him in the past tense. He was a quiet man who chose his words carefully. When he spoke sharp you knew he meant it but he was quick to forgive. "

Harry thought briefly of an argument they had had just after Bill's wedding and then the next time they met he was made Teddy's god father.

"Remus as a small child was bitten by a werewolf. He spent years friendless and feeling alone. Until Dumbledore got him into Hogwarts where he met James Potter and Sirius Black and Lily Evans. He quickly became friends with them and was surprised when after they knew his secret they remained friends."

"Remus, fought during the first war as hard as anyone. I had yet to meet him. But my brothers in law knew him and before they died would often tell us how brave he was. And in this war he proved once again how brave he truly was."

"He struggled as he found his feelings for his wife and was frightened at the prospect of being a father. But after a long conversation with a good friend he came to his senses in time for his son. I would love to say he was a great father but we will never know. But what little we did get to see shown a man in love with his wife and his baby boy."

"He also had another boy in his life. Although he didn't meet him until his third year at Hogwarts. Harry grew to be like a son to Remus. Remus always loved Harry like he loved James and Lily as well as Sirius."

Harry for a moment looked away. Ginny squeezed his hand and he turned back to look at Mr. Weasely who looked like he could cry.

"Remus Lupin was a good friend and will be missed by us all especially his young son who will never hear his voice. But we will help him know his father with the memories and the laughter he shared with us all."

Arthur lowered his head as he left the podium and walked down the stairs and sat down next to Molly. They all held hands knowing what was next. They took a collective breath and waited.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Oliver Wood stepped out when the music started. It was a slow tempo song as he started to sing tears started falling from Molly's eyes.

Arthur had tears forming as he held the sobbing Molly. Bill and Fleur huddled together while Charlie put his head in his hands. Percy looked white as a sheet. George had a few tears starting to fall. Hermione was holding Ron as his tears finally started to fall. Ginny was stoic. Harry could tell she wanted to cry but she wouldn't allow herself too.

Harry stared at the front for a brief moment before seeing Percy come flying out of his chair. He managed to stand up and step in front of him just in time to stop him. The rest of the Weasely's looked up in shock as Harry gripped the mans shoulders.

"Percy stop, please." Harry managed to say.

"I don't belong here Harry I didn't save him. I'm his brother I was supposed to save him." Percy cried falling to his knees in front of Harry.

Harry knelt down and put his arms around Percy's shoulders. "I'm not going to tell you not to feel guilty because I know what you are feeling. But I will tell you that nothing would stop what happened from happening. You couldn't have done anything more than what you did."

"But what did I do? Nothing."

"you put a smile on his face during a time of pure hell. Fred would have wanted to go down smiling, laughing and fighting. And he did just that. You were there to hold your mother and all of your siblings as it became real to them. Fred forgave you and maybe you need to do the same for yourself." Percy broke down even more. Harry held the sobbing man like he would a brother and finally helped him stand and got him to his seat.

Harry went back to his seat as Ginny fell into his arms. She wasn't crying but she just needed his arms around her. He held her and watched as the others comforted each other. As much as he hurt he would not let on that he needed comforting as well. He would allow himself to be forgotten cause the Weasely's deserved this time. He could cry and scream and mourn later.

Harry blinked his own tears away as he held onto Ginny. Most of the Weasely's were calming down enough to say a few words before the actual eulogy. Ginny had yet to cry for her brother. As the music stopped and Oliver walked away Arthur stepped up to the podium just to say a few words.

"Sometimes as a parent we are asked to do some pretty impossible things. Like tell the world what our son means to us after losing him in a war. Fred was my child who became a man much to quick. I will remember him always."

Arthur stepped off the stage as Molly took her turn.

"No mother should have to bury there child. But here we are. My son will be remembered every time I see the sun rise and set. He was my sunshine."

Molly dabbed her eyes as she managed her way into her husbands arms off stage. Bill went up followed by Charlie and then Percy. Ron finally made it up and said his peace. Ginny hugged Harry as she went up to say what Fred meant to her.

"Fred was the one brother that could make me feel better even during the past year. He was the one that told me every night Harry would be back and we would win. He….." Ginny gasp as the tears started falling. She tried to stop the sob that she was coming "I'm sorry I can't " She managed to get out as sobs racked her body so hard she could barely stand.

Harry jumped out of his seat rushing past Ron as he went up the stairs two at a time. He put his arms around Ginny as she sobbed harder. As she tried to walk away her knees buckled and Harry quickly lifted her up into his arms. He carried her down the stairs but the effort cost him. Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall saw the look of pure pain that hit his face as he struggled with carrying Ginny down the stairs to her seat. He carefully sat down and helped her into her own seat as the music started again. He held her as the small band came up on stage. They were all from Gryffindor. It was an upbeat song fitting for Fred.

Harry's body ached and he could barely breathe but he continued to hold Ginny as she sobbed. He ignored his pain until he saw Madame Pomfrey slip over to him. Molly and Arthur looked startled as the healer kneeled near Harry. Ron switched seats with Hermione and gathered his sister into his arms while the healer looked over Harry.

She had him open his robes to show his chest and one look at the bruise told her everything she needed to know. She told him to close it. She shook her head.

"Harry you are positively doing to much. You need to rest."

"I know"

"Harry I know you want to help your friends get through this terrible time in there lives. But your still healing. You have to take care of your self. Now I'm going to get you a potion after the service that you will need to take twice a day for pain until you are healed. But for now here is something for the pain that won't make you sleep." she handed the bottle to him and he drank it.

Ron looked at Harry over Ginny's head and finally asked the question that all the family wanted to know.

"Harry why didn't you tell us you were still in pain?"

"I didn't want to worry you all. And besides it is just a little pain."

"Harry we care about you. If you hurt we need to know how can we help if we don't know?"

Harry didn't answer instead he turned away slightly ashamed at not being honest with them. Ginny finally calmed down enough to pull Harry carefully to her.

"Harry what my brother is trying to say is. You have to start telling us when you hurt physically or emotionally. I know you haven't had a lot of experience with family that actually cares about you. But you will get used to it."_._

Percy popped in the midst of their little group "Mum wants to know what is going on?"

"Harry isn't healing as fast as he let on. That little picking up Ginny thing really hurt him more than he would like to let on." Ron explained quickly as he sat back again in his chair. Harry gave him a look but said nothing as Percy left to report to the rest of the family.

Percy knelt in front of his parents with Bill and Charlie listening in of course. "Harry is in a lot of pain. From what the healer said he's not healing very fast. Him carrying Ginny off the stage didn't help him out any either." Percy said.

"Why didn't he tell us he was in pain?" Molly said.

"Molly he isn't used to having people really care about him." Arthur said calmly.

"but he has known us for years now."

"I know dear but he is also questioning his worth to us and everyone right now as well."

Molly started to cry as she realized just how much the young man was broken down. Arthur held her as she cried. Several people around them that had heard the conversation mainly Andromeda and the Longbottoms just behind them shook their heads. They understood more than they ever wished to.

George had heard both conversations. All of a sudden he felt guilty. True he was angry over the death of his twin and maybe he was unreasonably angry with Harry. Over the past few days every one was more worried about Harry than the fact that they had lost their brother Fred. But not George. No he felt it every moment. But now as he heard of Harry's physical pain and the guilt that he was carrying. He was finally understanding why every one worried about Harry.

George realized that sometimes in order to get through the pain sometimes you had to keep moving. Harry was but George also knew that he wasn't grieving either. George shook his head. Some how they had to get Harry to stop taking care of them and take care of himself.

George went to the podium and with out thinking began.

"Fred was my twin, my best friend and as some has said my other half. But he was more than that he was a brother, a son, a neighbor, and most of all a friend to all. He was funny and could out prank us all if given the chance. He was an inventor of sorts and a co owner of the worlds best joke shop."

"The past few days I've had so many emotions I couldn't keep track of them all. I went from sorrow to shock and then anger. At first I didn't know who I was angry with. I tried to be angry with my family but I knew they were hurting. Then I found myself getting angry with Harry because every one of my family seemed to run to him instead of grieve for Fred."

"But then I remembered a lesson that Fred learned seven years ago. There was a time when lets just say we weren't exactly content with our home life. Fred especially. He wished there wasn't as many of us as there were and that we had more money. Then that year we met Harry. He was a scrawny young eleven year old who we found out had everything we thought we wanted. He had more money than he needed and he had a home that he shared with only one other kid. Boy were we in for a shock."

"We learned that year that he didn't even know how he got the scar. He was raised by his mother's sister and husband who did not hold with magic of any kind. But while we were learning this we couldn't understand why he wasn't happy. Surely anyone with money and space would be happy. But we started to see that Harry wasn't happy with the fame or the money or the space. In fact it would be that summer when we realized how bad it was for him. We went to rescue him from that house. Fred of course thought that Ron was exaggerating how bad it was for Harry. But we got a surprise when we got there Harry was locked in his bedroom with bars on his window. We finally got him out and went home. Later after we were done denoming the garden. Fred and I was able to talk about things."

"As we talked it over we realized that money and space doesn't make one happy. That our mum was right when she said money can't buy you happiness. And today when I felt the old jealousy come round with Harry I stopped and thought of the lessons that Fred learned over that summer. He learned that no matter how bad he had it some one had it worse off. I call it a lesson learned."

"I know I want to make my brother proud. He would want us all to love the ones we have in our lives. To help those who need us. He would want us to laugh and remember him with smiles. So I'm going to find at least one thing to laugh about each day even when I don't feel like laughing and I'm going to help every one I can. Because that is what Fred would have done."

George walked off the podium and sat down. He had a few tears running down his face but he knew that someday soon he would be able to go on with his life.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Kingsley looked at Harry to see if there was any response and slowly he saw the boy look up at him and nod. He smiled slightly as he nodded to acknowledge Harry's decision. The music started again as a young man walked on stage. Harry didn't recognize the man but was mesmorized by the music for a few minutes.

Harry listened to the words and came up with an idea. He motioned to Hermione to follow him to the end of a row. He also motioned for Kingsley to join them. Once they were all together Harry started.

"I want to do something special but I need some help. Is there a way we can fix the screen to hang over the lake?" Harry whispered. Kingsley looked confused but answered that he could fix it quickly.

"And could one of you or both conjure some flowers? One for each person lost. I'll have Kreacher and some of the other house elves hand them out before my speech. And after your closing words and during the final song while the pictures are showing on the screen above the lake we will all throw our flowers into the lake. As a tribute to the souls lost."

"Harry we will help you do that. I really think that is a sweet idea." Hermione said quickly.

"Harry I don't know why I couldn't have thought of that." Kingsley said turning as if he was going to leave.

"Kingsley, could you wait for just a moment please?" Harry asked while Hermione went to work not far away.

"Yes of course."

"I think in my speech I'm going to not only remember those who died tonight but I may mention those who has gone before. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Moody, even Dobby. But I want to make sure I got your ok."

"Harry you don't need my ok for that. I think that is a wonderful idea because I believe that they started what you ended way back when."

"Thank you." Harry said as Kingsley went to work fixing the screen and Hermione was conjuring flowers for the whole crowd.

"Kreacher" Harry called out quietly and with a pop a small house elf arrived.

"What does Master Harry require?"

"Kreacher I need your help and as many other house elves as you can gather. I need you to hand out all those flowers that Hermione is conjuring up."

"It is my honor to serve you. Is there anything else you require?"

"yes I require all of you to remain for the rest of the service. You may all stand or sit in the back as you would prefer. But you all must take part in the end of the ceremony."

"Yes sir" Kreacher answered as he popped out of sight again.

Hermione finished as Harry made his way back to his seat. His nerves were starting to tingle as he thought about everything he wanted to say.

Soon hundreds of soft pops were heard as the house elves arrived and started handing out flowers. Each person received a dozen or more flowers. It took some time but soon it was all done. Kreacher took it upon himself to take care of the families personally. Hermione almost cried anew when Kreacher handed her the flowers and didn't call her that horrible word. Soon he too took his place in the back with the other elves.

Harry looked back to make sure that the elves had flowers as well. When he saw that they didn't and that there was no more he quickly asked Hermione to conjure up some more. With in minutes she had enough for every house elf and Harry was able to call Kreacher and have him distribute them amoung themselves.

Harry waited as the music ended and the young man left the stage and received his flowers before he climbed the stairs onto the stage. The crowd when absolutely quiet. He knew most was expecting a great tale to be told but he was going to disappoint them as much as he could.

"I know that many of you are expecting me to come up here and talk about everything that happened and go into great detail. And someday I will but today isn't that day. Today is for remembering those who gave their all for us." Harry paused as he saw some disappointed reporters who had crept up to the front of the stage shake their heads and return to the back. But also saw the families smile at his tact in dealing with them.

"Not only do we want to remember those that died in the Battle at Hogwarts but we need to remember those that came before. And how every one that died from Riddles first days in power so many years ago to those we suffered days ago has made the victory possible." Harry paused and took a long deep breath before beginning again.

"When the order was newly formed and struggling two members fought hard against if I remember the story correctly it was five death eaters at once. Gideon and Fabian Prewett were heroes. Every move they made was one step closer to the final outcome. And it took five death eaters to take them down. They must have been amazing men." Harry looked down at Molly Weasely who even through the sobs mouthed the words Thank you to him.

"Some of the heroes that we need to remember aren't here today not because they are no longer with us but because they refused to give up the fight even if it meant never being the same again. Frank and Alice Longbottom fought bravely and even though they didn't die they can't be here today because of the sacrifice they made. Neville, I don't know if you've been told this but I think you have made them proud with your strength and courage to fight the wrongs of this world." Harry looked at Neville who was crying into his Grandmothers shoulder. Augusta Longbottom smiled through his tears proud that some one remembered her son and daughter in law.

"James and Lily Potter who as you all know were my parents died to protect me. All I know about them is the stories that I've been told. My father was a brave man who had his many faults. While my mother was kind and strong who befriended those who were friendless. It was because they were willing to die for me that I was able to know what life was." Harry stopped and took a long breath to over come his emotions.

"Cedric Diggory turned out to be a good friend to me even when we were competing against each other. I still can remember his humble attitudes and the way he worried about fair play. He was a great person who died way to soon."

Sirius Black was my Godfather my dad's best friend and most of all an innocent man. He was framed by a traitor who betrayed my parents and sent to Azkaban for 12 years for something he didn't do with out a trial. As I got to know him I found he was a lot like me or maybe I was a lot like him. He didn't always think before he acted. He could get very angry over little stuff. But I think the thing I miss the most and remember the most was the stories he told me about my parents. That and the life lessons he would give once in a while. He jumped in front of me when his cousin shot a curse at me in the ministry during my fifth year. He saved my life. I love him still today."

"Our old Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was a good man even though some tried to smear his name. He made some mistakes in his life but that should only remind us that he was only human. He always meant well even when things went wrong. His accomplishments were amazing and we will never forget. I will never forget every thing he did teach me what I needed to know. "

Harry stopped for a minute and took a long deep breath. It was becoming harder with each person he spoke about.

"Alistar 'Mad-eye' Moody was a great man. An Auror who will be remembered for his bravery. He fought countless death eaters and was a honored member of the Order. I will always remember his phrase he told us all. Constant Vigilence."

"Dennis Creevey, I remember when I first met him. He was always taking my picture even in my not so glamorous moments. Like when Gilderoy took all the bones out of my arm. I would sometimes get frustrated with that. I wasn't really angry with him because he was a good person. I just wished for a little privacy. He was loyal and a good friend. I will be remembering him for his loyalty and how he had faith in me even when no one else seemed too."

Harry took a drink of water before starting again. The crowd listened intently as a few were wiping tears away from their eyes.

"Nymphadora Tonks Lupin was an amazing witch. She could brighten our day when we needed it. She was brave and stubborn. She was clumsy too. She fell in love with a wonderful man and gave him the son he never thought he deserved. I wish that she was here now to watch her little boy grow up. But Her memory will live on in our hearts and minds and He will know who she was."

Andromeda sobbed loudly as Harry took another drink and looked away. It wasn't getting any easier.

"Remus Lupin was my father's friend and I was proud to call him a friend as well. He was a werewolf but showed more humanity then most humans I knew. I understood him more than most thought I should. He was one who thought because of who and what he was that he didn't deserve love and he didn't have a future. But finally he gave his heart to a beautiful woman who knew who and what he was and loved him anyways. He was the last link to my parents that I felt I could turn too. He had only became a father and his son will grow up with out him. But he will know him as he will know his Mum, Dora. We will never forget them."

Harry gulped and blinked back the tears. He was determined to finish this. He would be strong. He could cry later.

"Fredrick Gideon Weasely more lovingly known as Fred was like an older brother to me. As all of his brothers are. He made me feel accepted and for me that was big. He was a prankster and a friend and a great business man. I remember the look on Fred's face when I gave him my winnings from the tri wizzard tournament so he and George could open their joke shop. He looked at me like I grew a second set of arms. Giving them the money was a way for me to repay their kindness to me. And I have never regretted it for a second. I will miss the way He smiled and cracked a joke at the most inappropriate time. Fred loved his family despite everything. He even forgave his brother before he died. He died with a smile and laughing. I always thought that when it was time for him to go he'd be laughing. I only wish it didn't have to be so soon."

The Weasely's were all crying together even Ron who had been holding back. Ginny was sobbing uncontrollably and it took all of Harry's will power not to leave the podium before he finished. Then he saw Kreacher shyly move towards Ginny. He slowly put his arm around her and allowed her to cry on his shoulder. Others around her looked astonished that a house elf would show compassion towards any witch or wizard.

"I don't know how many of you knew a house elf named Dobby but he also died a hero for our cause. And though not many will remember him I will always miss his friendship and loyaly. He saved my friends and I at a moment when it was the most important. He died to protect us and for that I will always have a special place in my heart for him."

Kreacher and the other house elves looked up in awe that Harry would remember one of their number even if they did do something so important. Usually the elf did the work and the wizard took the credit. Several elves and human had tears in their eyes.

"What connected all these people together ultimately was Love and the desire for a better world for all of us. Each step of the way for me I know that because of their actions put me one step closer to what I had to do. But it's not fair. None of them should have had to die. Not for this. They should still be here celebrating with us. But I know they are celebrating with us on the other side. Those we love are never really gone as long as we carry them here in our hearts. And they live on in every memory we share and the love we give each other. We all gave some of ourselves but we need to remember that some gave their all.

Harry stepped away from the podium and down the stairs. The lump in his throat kept getting bigger but he would not break. There wasn't a dry eye in the crowd as the Minister of Magic stepped back up to the Podium and Harry took his seat and held Ginny again while she sobbed.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

_Kingsley stood up at the podium and cleared his throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Please make your way to the lake shore for the conclusion of our service."_

_Slowly the crowd stood and started making way towards the Lake. A few people asked what it was all about amongst themselves but most were quiet. The Weasely's all walked slowly making sure no one was left behind. Harry lagged behind just a bit but was quickly pulled ahead by Ginny._

_When every one finally came to a stop in front of the lake. Kingsley conjured a podium and Professor McGonagall stepped up and cleared her throat before beginning._

"_It was been my honor and priviledge to work with and know and sometimes even teach each of the people we have lost. I could try to add to everything that everyone has said about each one but I believe that they have been remembered by those who knew them best much more beautifully than I ever could. I will say this though not a one will be forgotten. From the parents who gave their all to the student who wanted to protect his family. From the practical joker with the courage to do the right thing to the humble house elf who died for those he considered a friend. None of them will ever be forgotten. We will live our lives to make them proud. This school will be a testimony to the dream that they helped make a reality. A world where fear does not rule our lives or thoughts."_

"_With that all said I would now like to ask for silence as on the screen above the lake a slide show will begin. We ask that during this time you cast your flowers into the lake. So that the lake looks like a giant garden all the way in heaven. At the end we will have a special song and then the House elves have prepared a special meal for us all in the Great Hall. Please stay and be with us as we all remember that we are not alone." Minerva came back to stand next to Kingsley as he flicked his wand and the pictures one by one went across the screen. _

_It took some minutes before anyone would allow themselves to tear away from staring at the screen as Colin Creevey's picture along with birth and death dates flashed in front of them. Harry stood willing himself to be strong. Several of his classmates went up and carefully and slowly dropped their flowers into the lake. Soon the Creevey's all stepped forward to do the same. Harry then stepped forward and hugged each one before dropping a single rose into the lake. He went back and joined Ginny who didn't know what to do. She could feel Harry starting to shake just a little. She knew he was going to break. _

_Tonks picture came on the screen similar to the way Colin's had and Andromeda went forward along with several of the Weasely's. Harry went and took the baby so that she could do so with out worry. As she returned He hugged her. Andromeda gave Harry a worried glance as he handed the baby back and went back to Ginny who had a tear falling from her cheek._

_Remus' face flashed on the screen and Harry felt his chest compress again. It felt like all the air had left him and he would never breath again. He was shaking as he made his way to the lake to throw another flower into the lake. Ginny walked with him and also through one in as well. Several other students and professors as well as order members followed suit. Slowly they made their way back. Molly looked at the young man her daughter was helping to stand. She realized all to soon that his will power was breaking down._

_But the face on the screen soon broke her from her thoughts as the laughing face of her son Fred appeared. Slowly every one made their way up and threw the flowers in Fred's honor into the lake. The Weasely family went forward but Harry remained in place but finally after Hagrid came up to him he too went forward. He turned to Mrs. And Mr. Weasely and hugged them both and then hugged everyone in turn until He had hugged all the Weasely's by the time he got to Ginny he was shaking so bad trying to hold it all in to be strong for everyone that he could barely stand. Ginny struggled to hold him up. _

_The music started as the pictures started to show everyone who had died from both wars. Harry looking down at his hands realized that he had most of his flowers and took a slow step forward. His feet almost gave out on him again from shaking so hard. Ginny grabbed him and took a step with him helping him remain standing. No one else seemed to notice as they slowly made their way forward._

_Neville was watching Harry and Ginny and after a quick whisper to his grandmother he jogged over. Quickly he pulled his coin out of his pocket and changed it so that it would alert other members of the D.A. and then put his arm around Harry to help Ginny keep him standing. Soon the remaining members of the D.A who were able started to feel their coins getting warm. Several made their way towards Harry and the two others. The Weasely's all were looking at the pictures or the ground not noticing Harry and Ginny. George was staring intently on a blade of grass when he felt his coins heat in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the words. Harry needs us now. With out thinking George shot out of his seat and started to run towards his sister and Harry. Molly and Bill started to call out to him until they caught sight of the gathering crowd around Harry. Molly gasp as she elbowed her husband and pointed. Ron looked up to find out what was going on as he could hear everyone stirring near him and quickly pulled Hermione to her feet with himself and ran with George to Harry._

_Luna looked at Kingsley and said sweetly "I have to go for a few minutes the D.A needs me." and ran off to join the group. The music was still playing as they finally reached the lake where Harry threw his remaining flowers in. Hermione with a flourish of her wand transformed the flowers into flower wreaths with candles in the middle. As if moving as one all of the members except Harry, lifted their wands into the air above them casting a rainbow over the water. Finally Harry lifted his wand and with a silent spell sent a golden light over the rainbow that rained sparks over the candles lighting each one as they fell. Luna then wrote in large golden letters in the air next to the screen:_

_**In Loving Memory**_

_**Candles burn out **_

_**Rainbows fade**_

_**But nothing will fade or take away the light**_

_**That you have put in our lives.**_

_**-the last ride for the D.A**_

Slowly they lowered their wands and the rainbow remained as they walked back to their families. Tears flowed out of every eye in the crowd. Neville still was helping Ginny lead Harry back to the Weasely's. He asked Ginny if she would be ok and she nodded as tears fell from her eyes. Harry squeezed her shoulder and pulled her closer to him as she sobbed. 

Luna made her way back to the podium and looking at Professor McGonagall who was now sobbing nodded silently indicating that she was ready to sing. Luna waited again for her cue and then in a voice so sweet and soft began her song.

_Wake up to a Sunny DayNot a cloud up in the skyAnd then it starts to rain_

Ginny's sobs subsided and she soon was standing straighter. Harry was struggling as he watched the pictures on the screen.

_My defenses hit the groundAnd they shatter all aroundSo open and exposed_

A picture of Lily and James Potter appeared on the screen of their wedding day. Harry's knee's started to buckle.

_But I found strength in the struggleFace to face with my troubles_

The picture was replaced with a picture of Remus and Tonks on their wedding day. Harry took a step or two away from Ginny.

_When you're brokenIn a Million little piecesAnd your tryin'But you can't hold on any moreEvery tear falls down for a reasonDon't you stop believin' in your selfWhen you're broken_

Fred's laughing face was on the screen followed by Dumbledore and then Mad-eye Moody as Harry's legs finally started to give out.

_Little girl don't be so blueI know what you're going throughDon't let it beat you up_

Harry sunk to his knees as a picture of Colin and him appear followed by Sirius and then my Cedric. He started to shake as he tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

_Hittin' walls and gettin' scarsOnly makes you who you are_

Harry all of a sudden started to rock back and forth as a picture of him and his parents appeared. He couldn't take his eyes off the screen. Every one who could see him seemed to freeze in place. Professor McGonagall started to move to go to him but Kingsley stopped her. "Minerva He'll never let himself cry if any one goes to him right now." The older lady just nodded sadly and moved back in place.

_Only makes you who you areNo matter how much your heart is achingThere is beauty in the breaking_

As the picture of Remus and Tonks with their newborn baby was shown a cry was heard. It was so loud and pain filled that chills went down every ones back. Ginny felt a few tears fall from her eyes as she watched Harry finally start to break down.

_Yeah_

The tears finally started to fall as Harry screamed "No I'm so sorry" over and over and over rocking back and forth. Ginny couldn't take it any more. She ran to him and put her arms around him and he fell against her waist and cried.

_When you're brokenIn a Million little piecesAnd your tryin'But you can't hold on any moreEvery tear falls down for a reasonDon't you stop believin' in your selfWhen you're broken_

"It's all my fault. I did this to them even if I didn't cast the curse." he cried out through his tears. 

"Harry no. You didn't cause any of this. It's not your fault." Ginny said bending to talk into his ear so no one else could hear what she was saying.

_Better days are gonna find you once againEvery piece will find it's placeWhen you're broken_

"Ginny I can't do this any more. I can't hurt any more. Oh God it hurts. I just want it to stop." Harry cried almost hysterically. 

Ginny fell to her knees in front of him and hugged him tighter. "I'm here. I know it hurts. But I'm here I'm not going anywhere. Harry we will get through this."

_When you're broken_

"Why did I have to come back? Why did I get to chose and all those people not? It's not fair!"

"I know Harry it's not." Ginny said quietly.

"Ginny I can't do this any more. Just let me die. I can't"

"No Harry I can't do that. I love you to much."

"Just let me die" Harry screamed causing every one around them to stare at him. Ginny looked up and caught her mother's eye. Ginny could see the renewed tears in her mother's eyes but she still looked at her pleadingly.

_When you're brokenIn a Million little piecesAnd your tryin'But you can't hold on any moreEvery tear falls down for a reasonDon't you stop believin' in your selfWhen you're broken_

Molly and Arthur rose quickly followed by their children and came to Harry's side. Molly quickly knelt down by Harry and stroked his hair as he cried on Ginny's shoulder.

"Mrs.Weasely I'm sorry. Fred's dead. I should have faced Voldemort sooner. I should have known what I was supposed to do sooner. It's my fault. I know you all don't blame me. And you don't want me to blame myself but I can't stop the memories. I can't sleep without the dreams. I just want the pain to stop."

"I know Harry. But we will get through this. You are not alone in your pain. The pain will ease and with that the blame you feel will ease as well." Molly told him pulling him and Ginny to her in a hug rocking them slightly. 

_Oh When you're broken_

"Harry We will all learn to live again. One day at a time. One hour at a time if necessary." George said quietly kneeling near him and put his hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry continued to sob quietly while the Weasely's surrounded him and tried to comfort him.

_When you're broken_

Professor McGonagall was sobbing once again watching the family gather around the young hero. Her heart broke for the boy who had seen more than any adult should even see. She looked over at Kingsley and tried to ask him to announce that a special meal would be served in the great hall following the ceremony. He nodded.

_When you're broken_

The music ended amongst the sobs of several people. Kingsley stood up and announced that their would be a meal served in the great hall for every one and if they would all make their way up there it would be served soon. Slowly with tears still falling most of the crowd made their way to the castle leaving the Weasely's and Harry to grieve on their own.

Harry finally got to his feet with the help of Bill and Charlie. He walked on his own accord but with slumped shoulders. He stopped and turned to look at them all.

"I'm sorry for all that. I should have been stronger for you." He said starting to turn away.

"HARRY LOOK AT ME!" Ginny screamed. He looked at her slowly with a blank look.

"Harry you don't have to be strong all the time. If you feel sad you can cry. You can scream. But you are not alone in this. The only way we are going to be strong or remotely like it is if we stick together. We all love you Harry. I know you blame yourself and that we can't convince you not to. But we will not let you destroy yourself." Ginny said looking him in the eye. 

Slowly the group started moving again. Harry turned again and looked at George.

"George could you tell me again how we are going to get through this?" Harry asked.

"One day at a time or one hour at a time if necessary Little Brother One day at a time." George said as he put his arm around Harry's shoulders.

Harry still felt incredibly bad but at least he wasn't alone.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

_The next morning they all left Hogwarts. The Weasely's insisted that Harry and Hermione come to the burrow with them and stay at least until after all the funerals. Harry reluctantly agreed to do so. He could barely speak to Ginny anymore. He felt like he was numbed to everything. Hermione was worried about Harry. He rarely left Ron's room except to use the restroom and eat. He wasn't talking to anyone. And it had only been a few hours._

_Harry sat on his cot staring at the wall alone. Ron was downstairs helping clean the house. Harry's mind raced over the past few days events. The battle still tormented him daily. He wasn't sleeping much because every night the nightmare would come. He had tried every thing he could do to keep everyone from knowing that it was happening. He was sitting there thinking when the door opened and Ginny walked in._

"_Harry, Dinner is ready." She said loudly. "HARRY"_

"_Oh What? I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in."_

"_I've noticed. Come on we can walk to dinner together."_

_Harry stood up and slowly walked with her out the door. He walked with his head bowed and wasn't really looking where he was going. Ginny noticed and stopped putting her hand on his arm._

"_Harry talk to me. What is going on? You don't talk to us or look at us anymore."_

"_I don't know why."_

"_Harry don't give me that. I know you know why your like this."_

"_I'm trying not to be. I honestly wish I could talk to someone but I can't. Every time I do I remember every one that was lost and I can't allow you all to burden yourself with me."_

"_Harry your not a burden. We want to care. We all want to help."_

"_I am sorry I'll try to remember. For the most part now I feel pretty numb. I feel like a part of me died when we lost them."_

_Some where in the house a radio had been turned on and a song started blaring as they started walking again. The song got louder as they neared the kitchen. They quickly found their seats across from each other. Harry looked down at his plate and never met them in the eye. Molly tried to pretend she didn't notice but Ron was getting angry. He was tired of feeling ignored by his best friend._

Ron glared at Harry before finally speaking. "Harry why are you even here?"

Harry looked up into his best friends dark angry eyes and just shrugged his shoulders. Hermione gasp as she looked between her friends. Molly looked like she could kill her son.

Harry looked uncomfortable as his friend looked ready to kill him. The rest of the family started to eat quietly. Harry just stared. Ron felt his blood start to boil.

"If all you can do is shrug your shoulders and stare maybe you should just leave. I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired of being ignored."

Harry stared at all the family. Hoping that one person would tell him to stay. But no one did. It was like they all wanted him to leave. He lingered on Ginny as he looked at her. But even she wouldn't ask him to stay.

Harry remembered all those sweet moments between Ginny and him. Pain shot threw him like an electric bolt. He felt like he was hit by another killing curse. He loved her so much but now it seemed like she didn't love him in return.

Harry thought about everything that had happened to him and the Weasely's. Of course they wouldn't want him there. They were just being nice. It was all his fault. They wouldn't hurt if not for him.

Harry looked around again and looked at Ginny one more time. Tears started to fall from her eyes. That was enough for Harry. He couldn't stay and cause her more pain.

Harry stood up abruptly causing his chair to slam against a cubboard behind him. "Damn it all to Hell I'm done." he yelled.

He quickly strode his way over to where Ginny was sitting. Pulling her to stand in front of her he gently kissed her as the passion grew between them. Then he quietly pulled away from the kiss.

He looked at her before he spoke. "I'm sorry but Ron's right I shouldn't be here. I've caused every one too much pain."

"I'm sorry every one. If I don't see you all again Have a great life." Harry said sadly. He quickly walked out the door and apperated hearing several cries behind him.

He arrived at Grimmwald place and walked into the parlor where he fell asleep almost immediately. It had been a very emotional day.

Back at the Burrow, Ron had never wished that he could keep his stupid mouth shut more in his life. After his mum was done yelling at him, Ginny started and where Ginny left off Hermione took up. An hour later every member of his family had yelled at him including his father who never yelled at him.__Harry woke with a start to a noise down the hall. All of a sudden Kreacher popped into the room saying men in black robes had gotten in. Death eaters Harry thought immediately. He quickly closed the door and fixed a spell to keep it shut for a while. He instructed the house elf to go to the ministry and tell Kingsley right away and then to the burrow for help. The elf quickly popped out of the room. Harry braced himself for the onslaught of death eaters that he knew that was coming in. He could hear them now out side his door. With a flash of light it burst in and a killing spell shot towards him. He managed to dodge that one as he sent a stupefy spell towards the death eater who he could not recognize. Soon he had several he was dueling at one time.

The burrow was silent as the angry Weasely's sat in the parlor not talking to anyone. All of a sudden Kreacher popped into the parlor with them.

"Master Harry needs help. Men in black cloaks have entered and Master is alone."

Arthur jumped up followed by Bill, Charlie, Percy and George. 

"Ron you stay here to guard the girls. I need you girls to stay here and gather medical supplies. We have no idea what we are coming up against." Arthur said as he led the older boys out of the house and apparated to Grimwald place. The quickly made their way to where Kingsley and a group of aurors were gathered to get ready to go in.

"Arthur what are you lot doing here?"

"Harry sent for us."

Kingsley explained the plan and they all started to go in. Arthur leading his boys in behind the aurors. As they entered the very large room no one noticed that they had entered. They stood in awe watching as Harry dueled eight death eaters at one time. Suddenly two purple flashes lights hit Harry in both shoulders. He stumbled back but threw back another curse back at them. He was losing his will to fight slowly. They watched as Harry dropped his arm as a death eater started to cast a killing curse at him.

In unison Aurors and The Weasely's all cried out Protego casting a shield around Harry. Soon they all were dueling. Twenty minutes later the Death eaters were all captured thanks to the fact that they could not apparate inside of Grimwald place anymore. 

Arthur and Kingsley were talking as the other Aurors took them to jail cells to await trial.

"Why was he here alone?" Kingsley asked.

"Harry hasn't been doing very well. He rarely talks unless spoken too and my son Ron finally had had enough and said some things he really didn't mean." Arthur said.

"What exactly did he say that would make Harry leave?"

"He said that if he wasn't going to talk to anyone maybe he shouldn't be there. We tried to get Harry to stay but he apparated away too fast."

Slowly they turned back to where Bill and Charlie stood watching Harry. Harry was bleeding severely and was about to pass out. Bill ran forward followed by the rest.

"Why do you bother with me? Don't you know by now I only hurt people. I'm not worth it." Harry said as he passed out. Charlie caught him. Quickly they headed outside. Arthur apparated before the boys got outside and ran into the burrow. 

"Everyone is alive. Harry has been hurt they will be here in a moment. Ron you will stay in the parlor we still need to have a long talk."

With in seconds Charlie and Bill walked in carrying Harry. Molly directed them upstairs to Ron's bedroom. Percy and George walked in to see pandemonium in the house. George took Ginny and Hermione up to Ginny's room where they could talk in private. Percy left for his flat in London for a few hours. Bill and Charlie along with Arthur and Fleur came down stairs and went into the kitchen to make some tea and talk. Kingsley was in the kitchen when they arrived.

Arthur and Kingsley discussed the ministry and what happened tonight as Molly entered the kitchen. Every one looked up.

"Harry is fine. He is no longer bleeding and his cuts are healing. He is sleeping right now. I think this might be the first real sleep he has gotten in some time.""

Arthur put a spell up so that no one could hear their conversations. 

"Kingsley, Molly I believe we have to worry about Harry. Before he passed out He said some things about bothered me. He asked why we bothered with him. That all he caused was pain and he wasn't worth it. I don't understand why he said that."

"It sounds like he is still blaming himself." Molly said sadly.

"What can we do?" Bill asked.

"We can't leave him alone. And we can't allow him to leave right now. His mind set is to delicate for him to be himself." Kingsley said.

George and the girls were talking quietly. George had put a charm on the room so that no one could hear them and they couldn't hear anyone else. 

"Well he hasn't been talking very much" Hermione said.

"He talks to me." Ginny said so quietly that they barely heard her.

"What?" Hermione asked in surprise.

"He talks to me when I can get him alone. Today when I got him for dinner we talked. He told me why he doesn't talk to anyone." 

"Why?" George asked.

"He feels like he is burdening us. If he talks to us all the loss just comes back. He doesn't want to be a burden to us." Ginny said sadly.

"He isn't a burden He's family." Hermione said.

"Hermione you have to understand. Harry has never had a real family that worries and cares about him. He is used to holding it all in and taking care of it himself. Remember how he was when Sirius died? Well that was him taking care of it himself. Instead of being angry this time he is depressed." George explained. "He asked us why we bothered with him. That all he causes is pain and how he wasn't worth it before he passed out. I don't think he has really slept since the night after the battle.

Harry was in a dreaming state he remembered well now. _Slowly he visioned himself walking through Hogwarts as he neared the corridor where Fred died he saw Fred's body and his ghost standing there. The battle was still raging but Harry couldn't hear any of that. As he got closer Fred's ghost looked at him with anger filled eyes._

"_Why Harry did you let this happened?"_

"_I'm sorry Fred. I didn't mean this to happen."_

"_you killed me. I fought for you and you got me killed."_

_Harry spun into another scene in the great hall to face Remus and Tonks ghost to hear them say the same things but adding the fact that their son was now an orphan because of him._

_He spun to see Sirius and Moody who blamed him too._

_Then spun to a scene with Voldemort. Voldemort was standing in the great hall pointing his wand at Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. _

"_Now Potter before you die you will watch as your friends die first."_

_Harry was bound by ropes that he struggled with frantically._

Ron was in the parlor sitting on the couch feeling as low as he had ever felt. He could hear screams of I'm sorry and I didn't mean to coming from upstairs. He slowly realized it was Harry. He jumped up and noticed that no one else seemed to hear him. He quickly ran up the stairs to his room and opened the door. Harry was asleep but struggling with unseen obstacles. 

"NO DON'T KILL THEM. TAKE ME I'M THE ONE YOU WANT."

"Harry wake up. It's just a dream."

"RON! NOOOOO" Harry screamed as he continued to struggle ripping one of his newly healed wounds open again.

"Come on Mate you have to wake up."

"HERMIONE NOT YOU TOO." Harry cried out as he ripped the other one open as well.

"GINNY OH GOD NOT HER TOO. JUST KILL ME NOW. I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS. JUST LET ME BE WITH THE WOMAN I LOVE AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS." Harry screamed as the killing curse on his chest reopened.

"FRED, REMUS , TONKS, COLIN, SIRIUS, NO YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU ALL TO DIE."

Ron stood for a mere second before running down the stairs to the kitchen. He couldn't get in with the spells that his dad had cast. He could see his dad at the end of the table and with tears falling down his face he tried desparately to get his attention. He started to throw furniture at the doorway to try to get their attention. Finally after throwing his dad's favorite chair his mum and dad came rushing out.

"RONALD BILIUS WEASELY WHAT DO YOU……" Molly started as Ron grabbed her hand wordlessly and dragged her up the stairs. "THINK YOU ARE DOING?" She finished before finally hearing Harry's screams. 

"Mum…..Harry……wounds……opened…….back……up…….killing one……too." Ron managed to say between sobs. "Do……Something."

"Ron go to Ginny's room with the girls and George after you get your father." she said as she went into the room. She stared in fright at the sight in front of her. Blood was covering Harry and his sheets. He was still dreaming. His screams surrounded her like a cloak she couldn't take off. Arthur and Kingsley followed by Bill and Charlie entered the room and looked like they were going to pass out at the sight. Bill and Charlie left quickly to go to the room with George and the girls. Fleur stayed in the kitchen making more tea. 

George was shocked to find a sobbing Ron on the other side of the door when he finally opened it. Relunctantly he let him in and took a seat next to him on Hermione's cot. Soon Bill and Charlie entered the room and sat on the floor.

"What is going on?" George asked.

"Harry was having a nightmare and Ron went to check on him. He has opened every wound on his body back up in his sleep. Mum is trying to fix him up now." Bill explained.

"Any idea what the nightmare was about?" George asked.

Ron looked up and after a few minutes he settled down so he could speak. "I'm not sure but he kept saying he was sorry and that he didn't mean it to happen to fred and the others. Then he was screaming no and it was like he was tied up or something. He was screaming no and he mentioned me and Hermione and Ginny. When he got to Ginny he couldn't control himself. He was begging for death it seemed."

"Ron is this the first time you have heard him scream in his sleep?" Charlie asked.

"No"

"He wouldn't have. Harry hasn't been sleeping." Ginny said as tears fell from her eyes.

"Ginny how do you know that?"

"He told me the other night. Begged me not to tell anyone. He says everything comesback to him when he sleeps."

"He talks to you but not anyone else?" Bill asked.

"He says he talking brings back all the memories of those gone and it feels like he is burdening us."

"He's my best mate. Why would he think he was burdening me? I want to help him."

Ginny took a long breath before she looked into her brothers troubled eyes and said "Ron Harry knows that we all want to help him but right now he doesn't even know what that might be. He is still feeling guilty and even though he knows we don't blame him and that it really isn't his fault He still feels it. Mostly because we are the only family he has ever known. And we are member short because of Fred's death. And it was because he met us and became close to us that we started fighting. Do you think any of us would have fought half as hard if it wasn't for him? I don't really think I would have. Fear would have ruled for me. He was what made us strong. And because of that he feels responsible. He has always had to be strong. And for the first time he can depend on some one else and it's hard for him. He's never had some one who would help him pick up the pieces."

"Gin when did you get so wise." Charlie asked staring at his sister as if it was the first time he had ever seen her.

"When I gave my heart to a man who doesn't realize he deserves to be loved." She answered.

No one said anything for the longest time. Molly knocked on the door and poked her head in "Harry is ok. I've stopped the bleeding and he is on the mend. I've made arrangements for some dreamless sleep potion to be sent over and soon he will finally be getting some real sleep. Now every one come down for some tea. Ron your father and Kingsley both wish to speak to you so I suggest you just stay here. They will be in directly."

They all left Ron looking scared and alone. It was never a good thing when the minister of magic and your father wanted to speak to you.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Ron waited nervously for his father and Kingsley to reenter. He fidgeted slightly as the door opened. Arthur slipped in with Kingsley and sat down across from Ron.

"Ron I know you now know how serious your actions were. I should hope that in the future you will watch your mouth in the future." His dad said stoicly.

"Ron I would like to know why you said what you did?" Kingsley asked stern but not unkindly.

"I wanted him to talk to us. I didn't think he would really leave. If I had thought he would I never would have said it. I thought it would make him mad enough to finally say something. I never wanted him to leave." Ron said as a tear fell.

"Ron I believe that you meant well but sometimes our best intentions cause more pain than leaving it be. Harry is going to be ok but it's going to take a long time. We have a healer coming over shortly to help him."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Ron you just have to be patient. A person with the scars that Harry has doesn't heal very fast. And I'm not talking about ones you can see. Those will heal fast enough. But his very being has been scarred. It's those things that take the longest to heal. You need to be patient with him." Kingsley said as he led the group downstairs for some tea while they waited for the healer.

Ginny looked as tired as Harry. The past week hadn't been very kind with the death of her brother and Harry's emotional collapse and now his apparent duel with the death eaters. It seemed like every time they were close to solving a problem something else would happen. She was sipping her tea slowly as her father entered.

"Has the healer came?" Arthur asked.

"Yes she did. She is examining him now." Molly said sniffing back a tear.

Arthur and Kingsley sat down to a cup of tea while they waited. The clock ticked the minutes making it seem more like a century as they waited. Ginny had nearly fell asleep as they waited. Finally She came down the stairs.

"Mr. Potter has lost a lot of blood. He is exhausted. Malnutrition has set in. Has he been eating?"

"He mostly just picks at his food anymore." Ron said after thinking for a minute.

"I've given him a potion to replenish his blood and something to help with his deficiencies in basic dietary needs. I also gave him a potion so he can sleep and I'm leaving you some for in the days to come. Also some pain medicine."

"Thank you so much for coming out so late."

"Not a problem. If he gets any worse bring him in right away." the healer said as she left them.

Ginny left them all sitting there. No one followed they all knew where they would find her. She quickly sat down on the edge of his bed and stroked his hair and face. All the anger she had felt since the end of the battle slipped away with every feel of Harry's face. Suddenly her feelings of being left behind didn't matter as much as they did before. She finally realized this was the reason he left her behind. He didn't want her to be lost in the pain as he was now. She realized that sometimes loving some one meant doing things that you don't want to do. Was she strong enough to stay by his side through this all? She had to be.

Downstairs Kingsley had just announced that Arthur was getting a promotion and with it a huge wage increase. George after several failed attempts finally convinced his parents that they should have a special meal and invite friends over. Ron was a little hesitant to agree though after all how much fun was it going to be with the funerals the day after and Harry being in the shape he was in. But after some thought he realized that his dad deserved a celebration.

Every one started off to go to bed leaving Arthur Molly and Kingsley talking in the kitchen. Ron stopped with Hermione outside of Ginny's room. Ron quickly kissed her before anyone could see and hurried to check on Ginny and Harry. He knocked on his door as he opened it. Ginny was still sitting in the same spot that she had taken when she first came in.

"Gin are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm just thinking." Ginny said.

"Do you need to talk?"

"Ron if I wasn't so tired and worried I would be angry with you. I just don't know if I can do this. What if I'm not strong enough to help him?"

"Ginny do you love him?" Ron said uncomfortably.

"Yes I do. I've tried to be angry with him but watching him hurt like this. I'm not mad any more. Mostly I'm just sad and in love. I'm afraid he won't be able to love me back."

"Gin he already does it's just locked inside of him right now." Ron said then he explained about the dinner the next night. "But don't worry we will take turns sitting with Harry during it if necessary."

"Ron could you watch over Harry so I could go get a few hours of sleep."

"Go on down and don't worry about it until after you have some breakfast."

"Ok"

Ginny went down to her own room and slept for what seemed like days even though it was only a few hours. She came down to the kitchen to see almost everyone there except for Ron. Her mother looked up shocked to see her daughter up and downstairs. She had expected her to be up with Harry.

"Ron said that he would sit with Harry so I could get a few hours of sleep and some breakfast. I'll go relieve him after I eat."

Ginny had just started eating when Ron came running down the stairs.

"Harry is awake. He isn't talking but his eyes are open."

"Ginny you stay here I'll go check on him." Her mother said as she rushed up the stairs. She quickly entered the small room and went to the bed where Harry laid. His eyes were open and he was looking around furiously.

"Harry it's ok. Calm down your at the burrow. Your safe now." She said soothingly.

"Why" Harry croaked with tears starting to flow.

"Why what dear?"

"Why did you all save me? I'm not worth it." he said refusing to look into her eyes.

"Harry I know you don't feel it right now but To us you are. You are the only one who keeps Ginny out of her room. You managed to say something to George that has kept him from going around the bend. You saved our family in more than one way."

"It just hurts so much and I'm scared. I don't want to feel this anymore."

"I know dear. Why are you scared?"

"Everyone that I love dies. What if it's because of me? I don't want any one I love to die especially……" Harry started but couldn't manage to finish.

"Ginny you mean. Harry you loving someone doesn't cause them to die. It was Voldemort who didn't understand love that caused it not you."

"Will the pain ever go away?"

"With time it will ease. We all just need to hold tight to each other."

"Mrs. Weasley. Thank you. I'm trying. I just feel so lost."

"I know you are Harry. But these things just take time." She said as she got up to leave. "I'll have some one bring you up some breakfast and you need to eat it."

Molly returned to the kitchen with a heavy heart. She knew he was taking everything hard but she really didn't believe he felt like he did. She sat down to her breakfast and looked at her family that was now staring at her.

"Harry is awake now. We have a long road to go with him. He is scared to love us. He feels lost right now like he can't find his way. He seems to think that him loving people causes their death. That is why he is so distant."

Everyone stared at her as she spoke. They all knew he was having a lot of problems but none of them suspected this.

"What do we do now?" Bill asked hugging his wife to him.

"We love him. We need to be there for him. I suggest since Harry can't come down for the party that we take turns sitting with him during it."

"Why can't he come?" Ron asked.

"He is really weak."

"Couldn't we carry him down before guests arrive. It might do him some good to be around others." Charlie added.

"Molly I think that is a good idea."

"Ok we will do that then. But he needs his rest before hand so we need to make sure he gets it."

"Mum can I sing at the party?" Ginny asked.

"Of course."

"I need to get some errands done mum." Ginny said as she jumped up from the table. For the next few hours she sent the three owls the family had between them out looking for a few friends to do her a favor. Soon all of her friends that she had contacted sent an owl back that they would come and help. Only two would be coming earlier for dinner as they were invited to the meal. Several minutes later she returned to Harry's bedside where he was sleeping again. She whispered "I love you" before laying down on Ron's bed and fell asleep herself. Ron came in an hour later to get dressed for the dinner to find his sister in his bed asleep and his best friend struggling to get up or move.

"Harry just stay put a second. What are you trying to do?"

"She looked cold I was going to throw a blanket over her."

"Let me. I don't want you to hurt yourself more. Besides she has to wake up soon. And we have to get you dressed for dinner. We are going to carry you down before our guests arrive."

"So they won't seem me struggle downstairs?"

"No Mate only we will."

Ron quickly woke his sister up and sent her to get dressed. He dressed quickly and then helped Harry dress. Charlie knocked on his door and came in. Charlie quickly picked Harry up and took him down stairs. As soon as Harry was comfortable Charlie sat down next to him.

"Harry you know we all love you."

"Yeah" Harry said quietly.

"I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. But I want you to know I'm here for you if you need me."

"Charlie you know this is the first time I have been so weak that I couldn't take care of my self. Even when I was younger and living with the Dursley's I was able to cook and clean and mow the yard when I hadn't ate in days."

"You went days with out food."

"Yeah I remember days of being locked in my cupboard too. Then my room when they finally gave me one. You know I had a Spider as a pet in my cupboard until my uncle killed him"

"You were a lonely child."

"Not really until I went to Hogwarts. I didn't know any different. I thought all kids who were different was locked away. But I know differently now."

"I never knew all of this."

"I don't talk about it a lot. I'm sorry I'm having such a hard time. You all are getting ready for the funeral and I'm just causing all these problems."

"Harry I know you are having problems. Hell if I saw half of what you have I'd have some problems too. But your not alone. We are here for you. You just need to talk to us more. Tell us how your feeling. You can tell us when you are missing them. We will understand. You can cry if you need too. Any one of us would sit with you or keep everyone away if you needed it."

"I know I'll try to keep that in mind." Harry said with a wry smile.

Soon people started to arrive. Several people that the family didn't recognize arrived and huddled with Ginny. Finally everyone had arrived and was seated. Molly had decided that Ginny would start out the nights festivities in song so motioned her to the front. Ginny hit the wireless with her wand. The music started and she came to stand in front of Harry. Her parents smiled. They knew this was for him even if it was her dad's party. But Arthur didn't mind. If it would help Harry He would allow almost anything.

Ginny started singing in a strong sweet voice.

Ginny looked down into Harry's down turned face. She cupped his chin and made him look at her. Everyone else was watching with a few tears coming down Mrs. Weasely's cheeks.

She stared into his eyes and for the first time she could truly see into him and see past the pain and the sorrow. She could see the love but also the fear. The chior that was behind her stepped forward and started to sing in harmony as she started the chorus.

As quick as the pain was gone it was back. But Ginny now felt some hope that beyond the pain Harry was still Harry. She smiled gently into his face. Harry slowly tried to stand up but was too weak to do so. Ginny put her hand on his shoulder to tell him to stay put.

Ginny stood there as she took his hand as she sang. She felt him squeeze it and looked down at his face. His face was scrunched up in pain. Then silent tears fell from his eyes. Her heart lurched to see it but she continued with the song. Ginny crouched down in front of him and wiped his tears away as she pulled him into an embrace.

"That's it Harry let it out. Cry all you need to. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." She whispered in his ear. She didn't know how long she was holding him or if anyone was watching but it didn't matter. Harry was allowing himself to mourn if only a little.

Molly quickly started corralling the other guests to the table to eat. Arthur and Bill had moved everything away so that Harry and Ginny had a little privacy. As their guests got seated once again, Molly asked Arthur quietly If he wanted to wait for them. He nodded quickly adding that He might need help.

After several minutes Harry finally stopped crying he was still shaking but the tears stopped. Ginny looked him in the eyes. She could still see the pain in his eyes but it was a little less than it had been earlier. Maybe they had finally started to break through. Somehow she knew that this wasn't over but it was well on its' way. She was going to get Harry back.

"Are you ready to go eat? I think they are waiting for us."

"Yeah but I'll need help to get to the table." He said with a hint of shame in his voice.

"Now don't you even think of feeling bad about it. It's not every wizard who can duel eight death eaters and live to tell the tale." Ginny said as she helped Harry to his feet.

Their movement across the yard was painfully slow. Harry's face turned pale at the effort to walk the few feet to the table. Hermione who was facing them elbowed Ron who jumped. At seeing his sister struggling to keep Harry on his feet rushed over to his friends other side. Together Ginny and Ron helped Harry walk to the table. Several eyes watched their slow progress in shock. Andromeda cried a little at the sight of Harry so pale. Minerva gave questioning looks to the Weasely's and Kingsley. Kingsley mouthed I'll explain in a bit. Arthur pulled a seat out near Molly for him and after what seemed forever they got Harry to the seat. It looked like it took everything Harry had to walk to the table. Ginny sat next to him.

George said a quick toast to his dad and finally they all started to eat. Conversations flowed around the table but Harry didn't even have the energy to try and talk. Neville talked with Ginny about her plans for the next few months and Harry listened to it. He enjoyed listening to her voice. It soothed him.

Kingsley was talking with Minerva.

"Harry is very weak. Last night we weren't sure he was going to live through the night. He managed to get himself in a real mess. He left the burrow quite upset and was ambushed by death eaters. By the time Arthur and his boys arrived and I with Aurors he was dueling eight of them by himself. We got there in time to save him and arrest all eight of them. He was amazing."

"Eight death eaters by himself." Minerva asked in shock.

Neville looked at Harry who was trying desparately to eat but couldn't manage to lift his fork.

"Harry are you ok?" He asked hoping that some one else would notice this too.

"Tired" Harry somehow managed to say in a quiet voice. Everyone turned to see who was speaking not even recognizing his voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Neville said.

"Tired" Harry repeated in the same voice. Ginny turned around noticing his not even touched plate.

"Harry let me help you. You have to eat something. And you will even if I have to force feed you everyday for the rest of your life." She said determinedly.

"Gin, I'm not hungry." Harry argued weakly.

"I know you are. You haven't ate in days. I know you hate for everyone to see you this weak and it is a bit embarrassing at your age to have some one feed you. But you have to eat something. You need to get stronger. If not for yourself for me. Please Harry try." She pleaded with him. Several people were staring in disbelief at this. Slowly Harry allowed Ginny to feed him. Every bite of food seemed to take everything he had to chew but he did. Soon his plate was empty and he was starting to look like he was going to pass out from exhaustion at the table.

"Charlie could you help me take Harry to his room? I think he is done for the night." Ginny asked. "Mum I'll be right back down. I'm just going to make sure he gets his sleeping potion and his pain potion. I'm sure he will need it in a few hours."

"Ok Dear." Molly said as her son lifted Harry from his chair. Harry passed out as Charlie lifted him. Ginny watched in horror. She ran ahead opening the door for her older brother. As they all watched the small group head into the house Minerva turned to Molly and Arthur.

"Is it true that Harry hasn't been eating?"

"I hate to say so but yes and I'm afraid it gets worse."

"How can it possibly get worse?" Augusta Longbottom asked.

"Harry refuses to talk to any of us with the exception of Ginny and even sometimes he doesn't talk to her. He has been having horrible nightmares. Last night after we healed all of his wounds from his duel he had a nightmare and ripped every wound open that had just been healed. We had to have a healer come out." Molly said with a sad sigh.

"Do you know what the dreams are about?" Minerva asked.

"I don't know much but when I got there he was still screaming the names of the lost and how sorry he was. I believe he blames himself for the deaths of so many." Arthur answered.

"But it's not his fault." Neville said firmly.

"Yes we all know that but He has been deeply wounded and not just physically in this war. It's difficult for him to come to terms with it all. I know we all lost people we loved but if you look at Harry's losses it's no wonder he is struggling." Kingsley said.

"Ginny seems to be close to him though." Andromeda said.

"I honestly think she is the only one holding him together. She has been so patient with him. Helping him understand that he isn't a burden and that he is worth it." Molly said. "The saddest thing is that he feels he doesn't deserve to be loved. And that his love is what causes people to die. But I feel that he is starting to come around. The next few days is really going to be hard for him as it will be for all of us."

"Will he be at the funerals?" Minerva asked.

"I'm sure he will be but for how long after words though." Arthur said.

"Are you sure it's wise in his present state?" Augusta asked.

"I think Harry needs closure. He needs to say goodbye like the rest of us. I don't want him to have something else to feel guilty about later." Ginny said as she rejoined the group. Every one nodded in understanding.

"I don't think he blames himself as much as before. I think right now he is just scared. He has never been free to do what he wanted with out fear that some one was going to kill him or someone he loves. He just needs time and for us all to be there for him when he does open up." Ginny said.

"He actually talked to me today." Charlie said causing heads to turn.

"What was he talking about?" Molly asked.

"Mainly of his childhood. I never realized how lonely he must have been. Did you know his uncle would lock him in a cupboard under the stairs and that was his bedroom for several years?" Charlie said as his parents nodded.

"I for one did not realize it was so bad for him. But I suspected it." Minerva said sadly

"He said he is trying and I know he is. He is just a bit lost. He also said he was sorry for not being stronger and for causing us so many problems with the funerals coming up. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for. I just hoped that it helped." Charlie said.

"even when he is so weak he still thinks of others." Molly said as a tear fell from her eye.

"Mum that is the problem. He's been trying to be so strong for everyone around him that he hasn't allowed himself to grieve." Ron said.

"I think he finally has started too. When he broke down tonight he didn't say anything. He just cried." Ginny said.

"Arthur this party was supposed to be about celebrating your promotion." Minerva said guiltily.

"Minerva this has been more of a celebration than you think. We are together and that is all that matters and Harry ate something and talked with some one. So I think that this has been a very successful party." Arthur said.

"Is there anything we can do?" Andromeda asked.

"We really can't leave him alone. And he needs to socialize."

"I can come over more often and I'll bring Teddy." Andromeda said.

"Oh that would be lovely. I was going to ask if you would seeing as Harry is his God father. But with Harry having so many problems I was afraid you might not want to bring Teddy around that." Molly said happily.

"Nonsense. Teddy might be good for Harry. Besides this is temporary. I know that my daughter and son in law would never have picked a mentally unstable person to be his godfather."

Others around them promised to come and visit more often. It was time that Harry found out just how many people cared about him. An hour later the last guest finally left and the family could clean up and get to bed tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter 12_

_The next day came all to soon for the families and Harry. Harry woke up that morning to see Percy hovering over him looking worried._

"_Harry how are you this morning?"_

"_I'm ok I guess." Harry answered._

"_that is good. I was just wondering if you was going to the funerals. If you aren't I'll stay with you."_

"_I'm going. I want to say goodbye one last time. Besides Percy you may not realize this but your family still needs you. They just got you back and with everything that has happened it's more important that you be there with them than ever."_

"_I wish I could feel better about all of this. I wish I could get away from the guilt."_

"_So do I Percy."_

"_Harry, You have nothing to be guilty for. You have been here. You saved our family. Yes Fred died but it was war. Did you honestly think we were going to all come out unharmed? With the shear number of us odds were against us." Percy said sitting down on the edge of Harry's bed._

"_Can I be honest with you?"_

"_I would prefer it if you were."_

"_Honestly I don't feel as guilty as I did. I feel like a complete burden cause now I can't even seem to feed myself. I just don't feel like I'm worth it for all of you to worry about. I'm terrified to allow myself to feel anything. I am afraid that loving you all will harm you. I'm afraid to actually mourn cause I don't know if I can stop."_

"_Harry I wish I could say some thing to make all your fears go away. But all I can say is it takes time. Day by day you'll be able to open up and allow yourself to feel. Day by day you'll be able to allow us to help your fears to fade. Day by day loving us will become easier. Day by day you'll be able to mourn and eventually stop. But you can't expect it to come over night."_

"_Thanks Percy."_

"_It's quite alright. Now lets get you ready to go and downstairs."_

_Percy helped Harry get changed and carried him down stairs to the kitchen. It was very quiet as they all tried to eat some breakfast. Harry managed to feed himself and everyone was happy to see he ate the whole plate. As soon as breakfast was over Arthur announced that it was time to leave. George quickly came and picked Harry up much to everyone's surprise. They all apparated to the Tonk's residence where the funeral was taking place for Dora and Remus Lupin. Harry dreaded this. He didn't want to do this. But he knew he had too. Andromeda led them to where the chairs had been set up near the grave site. She placed the Weasely's in the front row with her along with Harry and Hermione. Harry was looking at his feet as the rows behind him filled. Ginny sat next to him and grabbed his hand squeezing it. He slowly squeezed hers in return. Music was starting and voices singing could be heard that Harry could not recognize as they all sat awaiting the ceremony to begin._

_Slowly the first casket holding Remus was brought forward by several of the former order members. Ginny felt Harry tense as he squeezed her hand. A single tear trailed down her face as she watched him stare hopelessly toward the front._

Molly and Arthur looked down the row to see Harry staring at the front. They could tell he was trying to be strong again. Andromeda shook her head at the sight as she murmured something to Molly. Ron was sitting there as calmly as he could. He wanted to save his best friend from the pain he knew he was feeling but knew that he couldn't. He took Hermione's hand and squeezed it.

As the group of Aurors brought Tonk's casket forward Andromeda broke down into sobs. Harry wanted to go to her. He slowly stood up and made his way almost falling over several times. But with determination and a pain that wouldn't go away he managed to get to the sobbing woman and put his arms around her. This time he didn't say a word he just let her cry into his shoulder. Arthur who was sitting next to her got up and moved his chair so Harry could sit in front of her for a minute or two. Harry felt a sob start but managed to keep it at bay. He would be strong for her.

Soon Andromeda's tears eased and Harry with the help of Mr. Weasely went back to his own seat. Arthur bent down and whispered into his daughters ear. "He's going to break soon" before going back to replace his own seat.

The official started the service but Harry didn't hear a word of it. He was lost in his own thoughts about the battle and the lost lives. The man went on and on for it seemed hours but Harry barely heard him. Ginny squeezed his hand to get his attention. He turned his head slightly to look at her.

"Dora was loved by everyone who truly knew her." The man continued as Harry went back to his thoughts. He remembered just months ago when he had that argument with Remus about Teddy. Had he apologized to him? He couldn't remember. Sure he knew deep down he had been after all he was made the God father of Teddy but had he said those words. Did Remus know that he was sorry for calling him a coward? More importantly did he ever tell him He loved him? Or was that something else he never bothered to say.

He of all people who knew how short life can be should have known to tell him these things Harry thought sadly. And what about Tonk's? Had she known he loved her too? Why didn't he tell them? He fought back tears that threatened to fall. He was determined to get through this funeral as hard as it was. But he could feel his determination fall away as Ginny whispered "Harry It's time to say good bye."

He looked up to see everyone one by one go to the caskets before they were lowered to say their goodbyes. Panic filled him as he looked at Ginny wide eyed shaking his head furiously "I can't" He repeated over and over rocking slightly. Ron caught sight of him in the corner of his eyes and rose out of his own chair to go to his best friend. Hermione wanted to go but tears flowing down her face kept her in her seat. Molly looked over quickly at seeing Ron move. She gasp at the sight of Harry just rocking and a look of pure horror on his face. Arthur rose and motioned the rest of the family forward while Ginny and Ron talked quietly to Harry.

"Harry I know it's hard but you need to say goodbye." Ron said calmly.

"If I say good bye then He'll really be dead." Harry squeaked out barely.

"I know Harry I know. We can sit here a bit longer if you would like until it clears a little bit." Ginny said. 

Hermione finally joined them as the crowd around the coffins lessened. No one was leaving just moving away. They watched as Andromeda went and said her tearful goodbyes. She turned to leave and rushed over to Harry and hugged him whispering "It's your turn. Take as long as you need. I'll see that no one tries to hurry you."

Slowly with Ron and Ginny's help Harry stood. The rest of the Weasely's stood back a little ways in case they were needed. Hermione walked behind the group so she could be there for them as they neared the coffins. Ron and Ginny said their goodbyes and while Hermione said hers they made sure that Harry could stand on his own before backing away slightly to give him some privacy.

"Remus, I never got the chance to say I am sorry for calling you a coward about Teddy. I want you to know that I am. I never meant for any of this to happen. But I promise I'll get strong enough and help raise your son. He won't not know you. I'll tell him every story I know about you." Harry said calmly.

"I don't think I ever told you that I love you. You have been such a good friend and you took over for Sirius in a way that would make him proud. You really did become like a father figure to me. I trusted you more than I trusted myself. Moony this is so bloody hard. How do I say goodbye to you. How can you be gone? Just like that. I never got the chance to tell you what you meant to me." Harry cried as a tear fell from his eye.

"I was a bloody git for not telling you what your friendship meant to me. Why do we always wait until it's too bloody late to tell people what they mean to us? It doesn't make any sense. I never got the chance to tell you anything cause I thought there would be time."

"Tonks I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me or how happy I was that you had fallen in love with Remus. I should have told you both every time I saw you." Harry said as more tears slipped out.

"Then I think of poor little Teddy. He has lost so much when he lost you. How can two people who deserve to be happy end like this? I don't understand. God help me I don't understand. Why did you have to die and so many of the death eaters survive? I want you here with me and Teddy and everyone else. Why can't you be here?" Harry said as he started to cry a little harder.

"Why I just want to know why." He cried out loudly. His shoulders started to shake with his sobs. "I guess this is goodbye. Watch over us if you can. I love you both" He managed to get out before dissolving into tears. Ron and Hermione tried to put their arms around him but he shook them off. Just as he did with Ginny. 

Bill watched in concern as everyone who tried to comfort him was pushed away. He strode over to the sobbing boy and put his arms around him. Harry pounded his chest with his fists until he couldn't do it any more and cried into his shoulder helplessly.

Ginny ran to her mothers arms and let her embrace her. Ron and Hermione came to stand next to Arthur. 

"Why did he push us away?" Ron asked as Ginny looked up.

Arthur took a deep breath this was going to be hard for them to understand.

"He is finally allowing himself to grieve. Truly grieve and it's a rough thing to go through. Like most people he wants you all there but he can't handle you being their. Did you all see him beating your brother when he finally hugged him? Ginny he doesn't want to do that to you even He wasn't sure what he was going to do if someone touched him."

"Same reason for us." Hermione managed to say shakily.

"Yes he doesn't trust himself right now. He loves you all but he doesn't want to hurt you either." Arthur said watching Harry and his son.

"Why Bill why did they have to die?" Harry cried into his shoulder.

"I wish I had an answer for that Harry. I wish I could answer that for myself too." Bill said lifting Harry as he walked back to Harry's chair. Ginny quickly walked over and caught Harry's gaze. Bill slowly moved out of the way and Ginny threw her arms around him and cried with him. Their tears mingling together as everyone watched with tears of their own.

A small meal was held by Andromeda for her close friends and herself. She found herself gazing at the man that had obviously loved her daughter and her husband so much. How sad it was that he understood so much of what Teddy was going to go through. But perhaps that would turn to be the biggest blessing of all. 

Soon the Weasely's were ready to leave they each hugged her and said their goodbyes. Harry was the last person to hug her.

"Andromeda I'm sorry for the scene I caused at the funeral. You must be hurting so much and everyone seemed more worried about me than about you."

"Harry it's ok. You know you need to think a bit more of yourself once in a while. You give to much away. I'm sad but I'm ok. You know if you love that girl you need to be telling her. She loves you." She said as she gave him one last hug.

The family with Hermione and Harry in tow arrived at the burrow that night with heavy hearts tomorrow was going to be tough. As they all went in Harry asked if he could sit outside on the old porch swing for a while. He sat there staring off into space just thinking not even noticing the slight red head who sat down beside him.

"Beautiful night isn't it?"

"Yeah." He said absently.

"Harry what are you thinking?"

"every thing. It seems so odd that it's over. You know. But I never thought that their would be this much lost to us all. You know I thought that it would just be between me and him and that everyone would be safe cause that is what the prophecy said it had to be."

"Harry No one could have foreseen this."

"Ginny I love you. I just want you to know. I don't want anyone I love to ever not hear it again. I understand if you don't return the feelings. I understand if you hate me for everything I've put you through."

"Harry has anyone ever told you that you talk to much?" Ginny said as she cupped his chin with her hands. Leaning over she kissed him gently. He returned her kiss with a passion that surprised them both. After a few minutes she pulled away and looking into his eyes said "I love you too."

"Do you think I'll ever be ok again?" He said looking into her brown eyes.

"Yes but as everyone keeps saying it takes time."

A little while later Molly came out to check on Harry to see Harry fast asleep holding Ginny against his chest asleep as well. She conjured a blanket and covered the two of them up. She knew at some point they were going to have to be sent off to bed but for now she would sit in the kitchen talk to her husband and let them sleep. She walked back into the kitchen and got her a cup of tea. Arthur was already sitting with his waiting for her.

"Did you find them?"

"yes they are asleep on the swing. He's holding her against his chest. I would wake them but I think this is just what they need."

"You don't need to defend your decision to me. I understand completely. I may not like to admit it to you but I would do the same."

"Arthur today was so hard for him. But he got through it and managed to comfort Andromeda too. I hope this means he is getting better."

"Mollywobbles it's just going to take time. I'm sure he is doing his best at getting better."

The two sat drinking their tea thinking about Harry and Ginny and of course the funeral they had to attend the next day. Fred it was hard to think that he was really gone. It seemed almost impossible. How would they all get through it? What if Harry couldn't? 

"I miss him Arthur." Molly said with tears flowing down her cheeks.

"I know you do. We all miss him."

An hour later they decided that the kids needed to go to bed. After a few minutes they decided to levitate them both upstairs to Ginny's room. After seeing that they were safely in bed Arthur went and told Ron where Harry was and it was ok since nothing was going to happen. Soon everyone was sleeping soundly.


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter 13_

_Harry woke up the next morning feeling sad but content. For the first time in a long time he slept with no dreams at all. He glanced down and saw Ginny with her head on his chest. At first he didn't recognize where they were. They had fallen asleep on the porch during their talk. How did we get up here to where ever we are? He thought as the red head started to wake up._

"_hhmmmm Good morning." She said with a yawn._

"_Good morning to you too." He said giving her a squeeze. She got up and told him in whispers as Hermione was still asleep that she was going to the rest room. She quickly left the room. He sat up slowly and decided to go for a walk if his legs would let him. He managed to get himself to his feet. He wrote a quick note for Ginny leaving it on the bedside table for her to find and made his way out of her room. Carefully he made his way down the stairs before stopping for a few seconds. No one was awake but him and Ginny. For some reason he just wanted to be alone for simply a few moments. He made his way out the door and sat on the porch swing._

_He thought about the funeral the day before and started to cry again. He wished he could talk with his mum and dad. But he knew that he never would until the day he died. Suddenly he got up and started walking slowly past the wards and spun away. With a soft landing he found himself in Godric's Hollow. He didn't think about where he was going from there. It was like his feet knew exactly where to go. He walked silently to the small cemetery and entered. He walked straight to his parents graves like he had been there so many times but reality it was only his second time there. As he reached his parents grave his leg gave out and he was on his knees in front of the cold grey stones. _

"_Hi Mum and Dad, I guess you know it's over. Voldemort is gone. But so many good people was lost too. Colin Creevy is gone. He was only in fifth year at Hogwarts and constantly took pictures of me. Moody is gone. Died before the last battle. Fred Weasely is gone too. I have to go to his funeral today. And of course you know Tonks and Remus is both dead leaving their son here with out them." Harry took a long breath and didn't say anything for a while._

_Ginny walked into the bedroom and found his note. She decided to go ahead and get dressed. Slowly she went downstairs and made herself some tea. She was there for a little while until her mum came in._

"_oh Good Morning Ginny dear."_

"_Mum did you and dad move Harry and I?"_

"_Yes we did. Speaking of Harry where is he?"_

"_He left me a note that he was taking a walk. I haven't seen him since. I checked the porch swing but he isn't there."_

"_I'm sure he is fine. He'll be back soon."_

_Harry sat there in silence thinking before he spoke again._

"_Dad the last Maurader is gone now. Bet you all are having a blast. But here it's hard. I keep thinking I could have done more to save them but I guess it's just me wishing they were still here. I hate this. It hurts so much to lose them. When will the pain stop?" Harry said as a tear came down his face._

_He sat there for hours as the tears fell from his eyes. Meanwhile at the burrow a search was being done. Ginny sat in the kitchen after searching every room in the house. Molly sat down after making some tea. She was now very worried. Soon every one else came back into the kitchen shaking their heads. _

"_Ok where else could he have gone?" Arthur asked._

"_Grimwald place." Ron said._

"_Hogwarts." Bill said._

"_4 Privet Drive." Percy suggested._

"_Godric's Hollow" Hermione said thoughtfully._

"_Hermione why would you think he would go there?" Ginny asked._

"_Well he is upset about every thing. He wants to talk to his parents so the most logical place for him to go would be Godric's Hollow. He would feel close to them there."_

"_Ok we have an hour to get him back here to get ready for the funeral. Arthur you go to Grimwald's place, Bill you go to Hogwarts and Percy you go to Privet Drive." Molly said with confidence._

"_Mum if Hermione will take me I want to go to Godric's Hollow." George said._

"_Are you sure?" Molly asked._

"_Yeah I want to help him like he has been helping everyone else. He needs help even if he doesn't want to admit it."_

"_George do you want me to come along as well?" Ginny asked hopefully._

"_Gin I hope you understand this but I think I might do better if I go alone. I'm sending Hermione back if we find him." George said looking into his sisters eyes. Ginny nodded accepting what he had decided. With that every one left. Hermione took George's arm and with a turn and a pop they were gone. Moments later they were standing just outside a small cemetery. George entered the gate and started walking. After a few minutes he spied the person he was looking for. He looked around and nodded at Hermione who turned on the spot with a small pop was gone. He edged closer but when he heard Harry talking to his parents he stopped._

"_I don't want to do this today Mum. I just don't know if I can do this. How can I help the Weasely's? I don't know what to do for them. They mean so much to me. Mum I think you might have known them. They have taken me in even when they knew how dangerous it could be. They've been great. But now they have lost a member. Fred was so funny. He always knew what to say when you were down to make you laugh even if you didn't want to laugh. His twin George survived. He is almost the same as Fred except he has a bit more compassion than Fred did. George is strong even if he doesn't believe it." Harry took a long breath. "Mum how do I say goodbye to a brother? How do I help the people I love get through this when I don't know if I can? I don't know what to do. I wish you were here to hug me and tell me it was all going to be ok. Mum when will the pain go away? It hurts so much. I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to talk to people and get over the hurt. But there are so many days lately that I don't want to get up or talk or eat. Sometimes I just don't want to live it gets so hard. But I want to make you proud too." Harry broke down into long loud sobs._

_George couldn't stand there any more. He walked over to Harry and put his arms around him. He didn't say a word just allowed him to sob into his shoulder. _

"_Harry it's ok. You don't have to be strong for us. The pain will go away. We all know you are trying. You've been talking to us more and sharing feelings. I wish I could tell you how to say good bye but I don't even know how too myself. But you aren't going through this alone. I am happy that you see Fred as a brother for that is how we all see you."_

"_George I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to them. I know I can't really talk to them but this sometimes helps."_

"_Harry you don't have to keep apologizing for every thing. It's not your fault that people died. It's not your fault. It's going to be ok. I promise." George said as he hugged the sobbing boy closer. "I'm going to apparate us home ok?" Harry barely nodded. With a turn the two popped into the yard in front of the burrow. Everyone was waiting in the kitchen as George helped Harry walk to the burrow. Molly jumped up as she watched George help him up the stairs. She opened the door and pulled out a chair. _

"_Harry where did you go? You scared us out of our minds." barely keeping her patients with the young man._

_Harry didn't speak for the longest time. He struggled to find the words as George found his voice._

"_I found him in front of his parents graves talking to them. He was quite emotional when I got there." George said quietly._

"_I just wanted to talk to Mum and Dad. That's all. I miss them all so much. I just wanted to talk to them just once. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm sorry." Harry said as a tear trailed down his face again._

"_OH Harry it's ok. We just didn't know where you had gone. It scared us that is all. Of course you would want to feel close to your parents." Molly said giving him a hug. "Now why don't we all go up and get ready for the day. Everyone will start arriving soon and I want us all out there when they do._

_The group solemnly walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. No one wanted to do this today. Harry got dressed slowly and without a word went back down to the kitchen. No one else was downstairs yet so he made a pot of tea and poured himself a cup. Molly was the first person to join him and also poured herself some tea. She eyes were red and puffy but Harry didn't comment on it. Finally they all assembled in the kitchen and made their way outside to where the tent had been put up. Slowly people started to arrive with none of the usual bravado that everyone seemed to have when they came over._

_An hour later they had finally gotten to their seats and the music started. Harry sat next to Ginny in the first row. He watched as a tear fell from her eyes. He put her arm around her and hugged her to him. He turned towards Ron and seen his face in his hands while he tried not to cry. A mix of the old Order members and the members of the D.A slowly carried the coffin to the front as the music went on._

_George was staring at the coffin as if Fred was going to sit up and say "Got Ya" but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Tears started falling as he rose unsteadily on his feet. His family stared helplessly as he fell to his knees in front of the coffin crying uncontrollably. No one made a move for several minutes listening to his heart breaking sobs._

Harry finally found the strength to move. He carefully walked over to George and just like he and done for Harry put his arms around him and let him cry. George cried into Harry's shoulder without saying a word.

"I can't believe he's gone." George finally said as he got up with Harry's meager help.

"Me neither But I know this He wasn't afraid too." Harry said grimly. Harry quickly made his way to Ginny's side again.

Harry looked down the row at the Weasely's. Every one was crying except him. He wanted to soothe their tears and tell them it would be ok but how would it ever be ok again? Fred was gone and wasn't coming back. He looked back at the ground in front of him as if there was something of great interest there. Ginny looked over at Harry surprised that he had not pulled her into a hug as he usually did. But after noticing the sheer look of pain and panic on his face she understood. She couldn't imagine what he was thinking right now.

Ginny grabbed Harry's hand and squeezed it but Harry didn't respond. As sad as she was her worry overwhelmed her. She knew that today was going to be hard but she didn't expect it to be this hard. She looked to see if any one else had noticed Harry but she could see that everyone else was comforting each other.

Harry felt like he didn't belong with them at all. He sat there thinking about the fact that here he was sitting with the family but he wasn't family at all. He was just some poor orphan that they had taken in. What good had that done them? All he did to repay them was get their son and brother killed. He knew that they didn't want him to blame himself but he couldn't shake the thoughts of self loathing he felt towards himself at that moment. He wanted to put as much distance between them as possible but he knew that would only hurt them more. So He was officially trapped in a situation that he couldn't get out of.

Harry sat there still staring at the ground as the official started the ceremony. He hated hearing the man drone on about Fred. He sat there thinking of the past trying to remember whether he had told him he loved him as a brother or not. He tried to put the man's words out of his head as he sat there lost in thought. Ginny squeezed his hand again and again he didn't respond he was so lost in his own thoughts.

For the first time in a long time Harry felt alone. He felt like he was nothing more than an intruder to the family. It hurt him to think that he was more alone now than he was yesterday. But he pushed that pain away and started to listen to the man speaking.

"Fred was a prankster and together with his twin George they started a famous joke shop."

Harry thought about when he gave the twins the money. Had he ever told Fred how proud he was of them? Did he tell him he was like a brother to him? All the words he never said came rushing back to him again. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice everyone moving around him to say their final goodbyes. Ginny looked at him as he continued to stare at the ground boring holes with his eyes.

"Harry We need to go say Goodbye. Everyone else has." She whispered. 

"I-I-I can't. I just can't" He mumbled.

"I'm just going to go say goodbye myself and let you gather yourself and then I'll come back and help you ok?" Ginny said with a sob. She knew something was wrong. She hurried forward and said her goodbyes and after what seemed like forever returned to Harry. It seemed like no one else seemed to notice what was going on with Harry. For a second she felt anger towards her family who had been promising him he wasn't alone in this. 

Harry slowly got up from his seat and holding onto Ginny like she was a lifeline he made his way to where the coffin was. Ginny didn't know whether to stay with him or to leave him say goodbye in privacy. Not that he was going to get any as none of the Weasely's could pull them selves away.

"Fred, I don't know how to do this. How do you say goodbye to a brother? I don't know if I ever told you but I love you. You have always been like a brother to me. I guess all of you have been in more ways than you know. You believed in me when no one else gave me the time of day. And mate I'll never forget that." Harry said hoarsely.

Ginny slowly walked over to hug her mum in a fierce hug as she cried. Harry tried to gain some composure as he spoke.

"I don't understand why this had to happen. You were supposed to be here with us. You were supposed to make me laugh after it was all over. But your gone. How can you be just gone? I keep asking Why and I never get an answer. Why did you die? It's not fair. None of this is fair. I love you and your family so much. None of you were supposed to get hurt. If I hurt this bad I can't even imagine how bad George is hurting. Fred you know what hurts the most is even though no one blames me I know that it is my fault. I know that because I didn't move fast enough and that I wasted so much time wandering the countryside over the past nine months that is the reason you died. I know you would want to kill me if you were here but that is the point. Your not here any more." Harry said as he started to shake. "Why aren't you here with us? I don't understand. I'm trying to but I can't. How am I supposed to say goodbye? I don't want to say good bye. But I have to. Goodbye Fred always know that I love you and you will always be my brother. I'll watch over everyone for you. I promise." 

Harry's shoulders started to shake as he finished saying his goodbyes. Ron looked over at his shaking friend and got up from where he was kneeling near Hermione. He ran over to Harry and caught him as he started to fall. No one noticed as he lead Harry back to his chair. Harry started to sob hard agonizing sobs. Ron threw his arms around his best friend and cried with him. Harry looked up and from a distance he could see Hermione sobbing alone amongst the family.

"Ron, I'll be ok Hermione needs you." He said simply as Ron took off towards Hermione. As he sat there watching as the tears continued to fall unabated, He didn't even notice Neville walk up to him. Neville looked worried as he looked at his friend. Harry was starting to look pale and tired.

"Harry why don't you come with me and get a bite to eat? They will be along soon." He said.

"Oh Hi Neville. No thanks I'm not hungry. I will just sit here for a while." Harry answered.

"Why not come with me at least so you aren't alone?"

"No thank you anyway I'm fine right here."

"Why aren't you up there with them? I would have thought you would have been."

"Neville, It's ok. They are a family. They need each other right now."

"But Harry You have always been treated as one of them."

"Well I'm not am I? I'll be fine here by my self for a little while."

Neville walked away angered by the whole thing. He could hear the pain in Harry's voice and what angered him the most is that they had promised that he wouldn't be alone. He sighed loudly as he rejoined most of the surviving D.A.

Slowly the Weasely's started to walk away from the grave. Ron held Hermione up as they walked towards where the small meal was to take place. Bill and Fleur slowly followed with Charlie and Percy. George slowly started walking away looking back a few times. Molly and Arthur looked at their kids walking unaware of their youngest who was standing their watching a black haired green eyed young man sobbing in his chair. How he had gotten back there she had no idea. As her parents walked to join the rest of the family she hurried to Harry's side.

"Harry, I'm sorry I left I just needed my mother for a moment."

"It's ok" Harry said blankly.

"Lets go get something to eat. It's been a long day."

"You go ahead. I'm just going to sit here for a while."

"Harry you have to eat something."

"I'm not hungry. Honestly Gin I'll be fine just be with your family."

"But Harry" Ginny started but was interrupted. "No Ginny they need you right now."

Ginny noticed the lack of emotion in his voice. It was unexpected as the tears still flowed down his cheeks. She nodded and made her way to her family. She saw her mum talking with Professor McGonagall and started towards her.

"OH Ginny dear where is Harry?"

"He's still by the grave site. He won't come. He keeps saying he's not hungry and that I should be with my family." She said as Neville came over.

"He refused when I asked him to. Said he wasn't hungry and that the family needed to be together. But he wouldn't join you all either. When I asked about it He said something about well I'm not am I. I didn't know what to say so I left him there."

"I wish I knew how to help him." Molly said sadly.

Percy was standing near George as they watched Harry in the distance.

"I thought that would be you not Harry" Percy said quietly.

"To be honest so did I. So did any one go to him before Ginny went?"

"George that's just it. I know Ron did but then he saw Hermione break down and went running to her. The rest of us were so lost in our grief that we all kind of forgot about Harry."

"How could we forget someone who is just like family to us? I know we are all sad but how could we just leave him alone for so long. You know who is going to feel the worst about this."

"Ginny" George said sadly. Bill and Charlie walked over to them. They asked what was wrong and Percy and George explained. Charlie looked stunned for a moment and then anger took it's place.

"So basically he is having a temper tantrum because he isn't the center of attention." Charlie said as his features darkened. Not noticing that his mother and little sister had walked over the them. Ginny was as angry as she had ever been. She walked closer and faced her older brother. All of a sudden she swung her hand back and with a resounding snap slapped Charlie in the face.

"How dare you! Charlie Weasely! Is that really what you think of Harry? That he just wants to be the center of attention? Did it ever occur to you that maybe he was yet sacrificing his feelings and his needs so that we would be together?" Ginny growled out.

"Gin be reasonable why else would he be sitting there all alone and refusing offers to come join all of us. We ignored him practically and now he is having a fit."

"You don't even know him. Charlie. He doesn't want to be a burden and right now he knows we need each other and he doesn't want to take us away from each other." Ginny said angrily.

"Charlie Ginny is right. He is facing his pain all alone right now because he doesn't want us to separate from each other. If he is near us he feels that we will feel we have to help him. He doesn't want that." Molly said sadly. "As much as We love him he loves us back. He isn't family and he feels that more than ever right now. Kind of like he doesn't belong."

"You mean He is feeling like he doesn't belong with us? He is like a brother to us. How can he feel like he doesn't belong?" Charlie whispered.

"Because He's never had a real family to belong too." Ron said as he and Hermione joined them.

"Now what do we do?" Bill asked watching as his dad walked towards Harry.

Arthur had not been any where near his family for a while now he had went directly to his shed where he could gather some of his thoughts before joining everyone else. He finally came out and as he looked towards the gravesite saw the young man sitting there still. Slowly he made his way closer to the chair he was sitting in but stopped when he heard the young man talking to someone as if they were there.

"Fred, I know I promised to take care of them and some how I will but I don't know what to do. I try to be strong to help everyone but the pain is so fresh and strong. I doubt you ever had this problem but every time I see them all I'm reminded that I don't belong. I am not part of your family no matter what I do. No matter how many people tell me I am. I'm not and I'll never be. Fred it hurts to love them all so much but still know that I don't really belong."

Arthur gasped as he heard Harry's heart felt words to his dead son. He could hear the pain and anguish in his voice. Harry had a long road to a head of him. He finally started walking up to Harry. He didn't look up when Arthur approached him. Arthur put his arms around Harry and let him cry on his shoulder. Neither said a word they just cried together.

"Harry I want you to know that you do belong with us. You have always belonged with us. I realize that you feel so many different emotions and it can be tough to deal with. But we are your family and we will help you through this. But you can't shut us out." Arthur said quietly.

Harry nodded as Arthur helped him up. "Lets go get a bite to eat. At least try to eat something." Harry leaned on Arthur as they walked towards the family. Molly instantly started making a plate for Harry as Arthur found him a seat at the table. Harry didn't say a word for the longest time.

"Thank you." He said softly as Molly handed him his plate. Harry lifted his fork but put it back down again. George looked over and came to sit next to him. 

"Harry come on you need to eat something. You haven't ate all day. Please Fred would want you to live on." George said pleadingly.

"How can it be that your not mad at me?" Harry asked void of emotion.

"Harry you did everything you could do. I can't be mad. I'm sad and I'm still grieving and if anything I'm angry with Fred for leaving but I can't be mad at you. It was because of you I have the rest of my family."

"Why can't I just feel better? Why do I still feel this way?" Harry asked with pain stricken eyes that bored holes into George.

"Harry you have been through hell in the past year. Hell for your entire life as been tough. Any one would have trouble dealing with what you have. You'll feel better someday. Just hold on to us. We are going to help you through it."

"I'm so tired. Do you think I could go get some sleep?" Harry asked suddenly not able to keep his eyes open.

George caught him as he passed out. Quickly he lifted Harry and carried him into the house and up to his room. He sat with him until he was sure that Harry was going to be ok and rejoined his family.

"Is he ok?" Ginny asked fretfully.

"He is exhausted physically and emotionally but other than that he is ok." 

Several hours later the last guest had finally left and the family was able to go inside. Ginny walking through the kitchen went straight up to where Harry was sleeping. He was thrashing around but hadn't started to scream yet. She quickly went over and rubbed his back as she tried to soothe him. After a few minutes he calmed down. She conjured a chair as Ron came in. Ron looked ready to argue but after taking one look at Harry's form he stopped. Even in sleep Harry looked horrible. Silently he went to bed telling Ginny to wake him if she needed him. 

Ginny sat for hours with Harry calming him down when he started to dream before finally laying her head down on his pillow and fell into a restless sleep. It was going to be a long recovery.


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter 14_

_Harry had been asleep for 24 hours when Molly finally convinced Ginny to leave the room for a while. Ginny went down and took a long hot shower allowing her tears to fall. It hurt her to see Harry so bad off. His dreams plagued him leaving it unsafe to leave him alone for very long. The water felt so good against her sore muscles and she allowed herself to enjoy it. She finally finished and quickly got dressed again and went down to the kitchen for some dinner. Ron was missing from the table but everyone else was there. Bill and Fleur had decided to stay at the borrow to help any way they could. Charlie was still there after owling his boss in Romania that he was needed at home. _

_George looked up as he seen Ginny walk in. He wasn't surprised to see how tired she looked._

"_How's he doing?"_

"_Still asleep. But it is his dreams that worry me the most. Sometimes he cries out for people who will never come to him again. Then at other times he seems to be reliving the battle over and over. I wish I knew how to help him."_

"_Ginny you are doing everything you can do. We could call a therapist if it persists." George said as others around him nodded._

"_Yeah we could." Ginny conceded._

"_We could but it would be a nightmare with the press. You know how the prophet gets ahold of things that are supposed to be secret and runs with them." Hermione reasoned._

"_That is true. But we may not have much choice." Charlie said._

"_So what have I missed since I was upstairs?" Ginny asked changing the subject._

"_Not much except people keep popping over to check on Harry. Every one is worried. I don't think he realizes just how many people love him." Percy said sadly._

"_I don't think he has been told that he was loved." Charlie answered thinking about his conversation with Harry about his childhood._

_The meal went by much quieter than usual. Molly asked her family about their plans for the day. George said that he was going to go to the shop and see what needed to be done to reopen and Percy offered to go along. Charlie said that he was going to Hogwarts to help with the clean up. Bill agreed to go along maybe he could talk to McGonagall to see about what to do about helping Harry. Ginny was going to rest a little while then go back to Harry. Hermione was going to try to figure out when she could go get her parents._

_Soon everyone went off their own ways and left Molly to her own thoughts. With everyone out of the room She took a few minutes to quietly cry over the events that had been going on. She cried for her son and for the Lupins and the Creevy's and for the pain Harry was in. Soon she dried her eyes and started to clean._

_Bill walked into the castle and immediately found Professor McGonagall walking down the corridor. He quickly explained what was going on with Harry and asked if he could speak to Dumbledore's portrait. She led him up to the head masters office and opened the door then left quickly._

"_Ah Mr. Weasely I assumed I would most likely see one of you very soon." Albus said calmly._

"_Could you just call me Bill please?"_

"_of course Now what brings you here?"_

"_It's Harry sir. He is well it's hard for me to explain. But he isn't dealing very well with everything that has happened. He seems to blame himself. He barely eats or talks. He hasn't been sleeping very well either. He has nightmares still. We just don't know how to help him." Bill said with a tear forming in his eye. "Sir we are afraid we are losing him."_

"_I expected that this all would be difficult for him how ever I did not foresee it being this bad. What have you all been doing for him?"_

"_We don't leave him alone at all. Some one is by his side every moment. Ginny even has feed him when he was too weak to do it himself. A few days ago he ran off and got ambushed by eight death eaters and some how we got there in time to save him from that. I hate to say it it's almost like he wants to die." Bill said as the tear fell down his cheek._

"_I believe that he may indeed want to die. From what you have said he is severely depressed and you are doing for him all that you can do. But I do believe that you have something more powerful than you realize in your sister. I believe that if anyone can get through to him it will be her. You must all be strong for her. So she can do what is needed to get him back."_

"_You really think she is the key to this whole thing."_

"_Yes I don't think you all have noticed the special bond that has taken place between those too. Doesn't she almost always know when he needs her?"_

"_Almost always. How can we help her help Harry?"_

"_Be patient. As you all are grieving you may find yourselves irrationally angry at the world as he may. Do not let any one take their anger out on Harry at this point! I must stress that with his emotional state being this fragile any push in the wrong direction might push him to far to be reached."_

_They continued chatting for the longest time going over memories of those lives were cut so short. Bill actually smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days as he remembered how Fred would prank almost anyone._

_George arrived back to the burrow in something of a bad mood. Going back to the shop and reminded him how alone he really was. He had yelled at Percy for doing something and now he couldn't even remember what he had done in the first place. He quickly went up to his room. Thankfully the kitchen had been empty. Ron and Hermione obviously had left for somewhere together and Bill and Charlie were at Hogwarts still. The women most likely was upstairs in Ron and Harry's room. He could hear desperate voices upstairs and he felt his temper rush though his veins. He couldn't explain it. He rushed up the stairs and angrily threw the door open. Ginny and Molly were trying to get Harry to eat again. Red slowly filled his entire face and to the tips of his one ear. _

"_Harry please just a bite." Ginny said almost sounding as if it were hopeless. Harry just turned his face from her. _

_George finally found his voice and quickly walked over pushing his sister and his mother out of the way. "HARRY EAT DAMN IT. OR ARE YOU TO GOOD FOR OUR FOOD? I HAVE WATCHED YOU FOR DAYS NOW." He stopped to take a breath and without even listening to his mother and sisters begging for him to stop he went on. "YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN PAIN HERE. LET ME GIVE YOU A CLUE YOU'RE NOT! IT WASN'T YOUR BROTHER THAT DIED. IT WAS OURS. I HAVE WATCHED AS THE WORLD REVOLVED AROUND YOU ALL WEEK. AND PERSONALLY I'M SICK OF IT. I'M SICK OF YOU!" George stopped and stared at Harry who was just looking at him with a look of pure pain. He ran out of the room before Ginny could react._

_Molly ran after him but could not catch him as he reached his bedroom and slammed the door and locked it behind him. She knocked on the door fervently but to no avail. Ginny looked at Harry who she could not read with tears in her eyes. She knew it was killing him. She couldn't understand why George said those things. He had been so understanding the past few days. What changed all of a sudden. Ginny slowly picked up the tray and walked out with tears streaming. She passed her mother in the hall and walked past without a word. It was some time before she returned to the room. All of a sudden a scream came from the third floor of the burrow causing Molly and even George to come running up the stairs to Ron's room. Molly rushed in to find her daughter down on her knees in hysterics next to an empty bed. She quickly sends her patronus to the Ministry and instructs the reluctant George to send one to Bill._

"_He's gone. I didn't even see him leave." Ginny sobbed onto her mothers lap._

"_I know dear but we will find him."_

_Molly led her daughter down stairs and made tea. George followed unsure of what to do. His anger edged away and shame filled him. They sat wordlessly as they waited. Arthur and Kingsley hurriedly opened the door. And seconds later Bill and Charlie along with Professor McGonagall entered thru the floo network. Molly explained what happened. George braced himself for the onslot of anger that he was sure was coming but to his relieve it didn't come just yet. They all dispersed to look in all of Harry's most usual hiding places. Soon they all were back in the kitchen. Ginny looked heart broken as she looked at the sorrowful faces around her._

"_He has to be somewhere." Bill said "Dumbledore just warned me that this could happen if someone pushed him to hard."_

_Ginny started to sob as her brothers looked at her worriedly. "Harry wants to die."_

_All of them turned to stare at the young woman who spoke so quietly._

"_Gin come one this is Harry we are talking about. I'm sure he doesn't really want to." George said finally finding his voice. Ginny spun to stare at her brother with such intensity that the rest of the family was afraid what was going to happen. Ginny struggled to keep her temper in check._

"_I know Harry wants to die right now. He hasn't told me but I know he does. Because I can feel it. I have been able to feel his emotions for the past year." Ginny took a long breath as everyone's mouth dropped. She continued without waiting for a reply. "Now the man that I love is somewhere out there. Desperate and alone. And feeling more alone than he ever has. He has gone through hell and just when he seems to be coming to a crossroads where he could be better. Someone has to do something that could ruin it all. He was getting better whether you could tell it or not."_

"_Gin…." George started but was interrupted by his sister again._

"_I am sure that you don't know what he means to me but let me tell you all something. I love Harry. I have never loved anyone the way I love him. He has been the one that has given me the strength to go on. He has lived for me as I have been living for him. We have to find him before it's to late. George you have said that losing Fred was like losing your other half. Well for me it's that way with Harry." Ginny's voice shook as she continued. "I don't know if I can survive with out him. I don't know how to live with out him now. George don't you dare tell me what Harry is or isn't thinking or feeling or doing because believe me I know far better than you do." _

_Ginny broke down into sobs that racked her entire body. Her mother ran over and threw her arms around her daughter. George looked at his sister as tears started to fall down his face. Bill put his hand on his shoulder as he looked around the room._

"_So what do we do now?"_

"_I know this sounds weird but has any one checked the shrieking shack?" McGonagall asked._

"_No we hadn't thought of it."_

_Bill turned to leave. Ginny jumped up out of her mothers arms. "Wait Bill I'm coming with you. He may not listen to you. But I have to try."_

_Bill nodded as he took his sisters arm and with a turn apparated to Hogsmeade. They ran down the path to the school and with out even pausing ran to where the whopping willow stood. Using a stick they pushed the knot of the tree and it stilled. With out waiting Ginny entered the small tunnel that it covered. Slowly they made their way into the small to story building. Some where in the depths they could hear quiet sobs. Ginny quickly scanned the room but could find no trace before slowly going up the stairs She stopped before entering the small room that contained a bed. She could see a figure sitting on the bed rocking back and forth. She slowly and calmly entered the room followed by Bill._

"_Harry" She said quietly._

_Harry didn't move as she quickly closed the distance between them. She kneeled in front of him and took his hand. He didn't fight her but he didn't take her hand either._

"_Harry don't do this. I know it hurts but it's going to get better. Please stay with me."_

"_I can't do this anymore." Harry said so quietly that Ginny could barely hear him. She looked up in fear into her brothers face who was just behind him and nodded. Bill slowly left the room to go call for help._

"_Harry I need you please don't do this. You have to stay with me. Harry I love you so much. I can't live with out you."_

"_Just go. It'll be better this way. No one really wants me there anyway."_

"_Harry you are not thinking clearly."_

"_I'm thinking more clearly than I ever have. I can't do this anymore. I've tried but I can't. Just leave me. It'll be better if you don't watch." Harry said holding a knife in his hand._

"_Harry I'm not leaving you. So if you are so hell bent on doing this your going to have to do it in front of me." Ginny said with tears in her eyes. _

_Harry looked up for the first time and looked into her eyes. She could see the pain and the sorrow. As the tears started to fall from his eyes. The knife fell to the floor between them as she pulled him into a hug. As if all the strength had left him he slumped against her. She some how managed to get him lying on the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed as he drifted into an exhausted sleep. She stroked his cheek as the tears fell. He started to tense up as she murmured soothingly into his ear. She laid down beside him and put her head on his chest just to hear his heart beat._

_As she laid there she thought about the days events. Home just wasn't a healthy place right now for him. He needed to be safe for a while so he could get better. She couldn't risk someone going after him again in anger. She knew that she had just barely gotten their in time. All of a sudden she felt something on his arm that felt warm and wet. She gasp as she saw the blood running down his arm. Jumping up she quickly did a healing charm she had learned from her mother and the bleeding stopped and the wound healed. She used a cleaning spell to get rid of the blood and laid back down with him. Tears started to flow down her cheeks onto his chest. Now she knew what she had to do. Her family wouldn't like it or approve but it was the only way she was going to save him._

_Harry started to thrash around a bit and not even thinking she started quietly singing to him. It was a sweet slow song she had heard once on a muggle radio. But the meaning seemed so right at that moment.__ She rocked him gently as she sung and didn't even notice the slight noise outside the door. His thrashing started to subsede. _

Mrs. Weasely opened the door slightly and looked into the room and saw her daughter lying there with Harry. At first she wanted nothing more than to go in and break the scene up but then she noticed him and how his thrashing was coming to an end. She chose to remain still and just watch.

Ginny lifted her self up and sat up stroking his face as she sung to him. He stopped thrashing and calmed down. Harry's eyes fluttered open and with out saying a word just watched her face. Ginny's eyes were gleaming with tears and love for him that a silent tear fell down his own cheek. The rest of the Weasley's stood out side the door watching the two in awe.  No one moved for the longest time and finally they made their way in. Molly moved around the bed to go closer to her daughter when something on the floor caught her attention. Her mouth dropped as she bent over and picked up the knife. Looking at it she seen the blood and gasp. Bill and Charlie rushed over and looked at it and then at Harry and Ginny.

"Ginny is this your blood?" Her father asked quietly.

"No dad. It was Harry's. I healed his wound and cleaned him up." "I think it's time we get some help for you Harry." Arthur said sadly.

"NO" Ginny screamed causing everyone to turn and look at her. 

"Ginny now isn't the time to argue. He has obviously made an attempt at his life." Molly said as kindly as she could.

"Mum, Dad I've made a decision I know you will not like it but I'm doing it. I'm taking Harry to Grimwald place. I will stay with him and help him recover. The Burrow just isn't a safe place for him at the moment. Emotions are just to high. I know that right now if we brought in a stranger he would shut down completely. If it is just him and I it'll be easier to reach him."

"Ginny you are not moving in with Harry. I forbid it." Molly said as her daughter grabbed her hand and pulled her and her father out of the room and down the stairs. Bill stayed with Harry.

"I will not argue with you in front of Harry. Now I know what you are thinking and I promise it's not like that. Look in all honesty right now he is in no condition for anything. Please you have to understand. He needs to be taken care of for awhile in a place where he is alone."

"Ginny I don't think you understand all this is going to entail. Are you sure you can do this?" Arthur asked.

"I have thought about it and I am ready for it. Dad I can't let some stranger who knows nothing about what has happened to him try to help him. He will just shut down completely." Ginny said with feeling. "I understand all the reasons that you have against it. But please let me try before we call someone else in. I promise Mum you can come over everyday to check on us. And I promise to call you if it becomes too much for me. I know I can reach him."

Arthur took a deep breath and sighed. He looked at his wife who had a tear falling down her cheek. "Well Molly what do you say?"

"As much as I hate it she might be right about a stranger causing him to shut down. We have tried everything else. Maybe she is right maybe he needs to be some where that isn't so emotional now." Molly said.

"Ginny you have our permission. As long as you agree that your mother or I will be coming to check on you everyday."

"Thank you I know He will be better soon."

They walked back into the room with her two oldest brothers were and told them of their decision. Bill and Kingsley headed to Grimwald place to set up the protection wards so that Harry could be moved there. Charlie went to the Burrow and informed George and Percy what happened and what decisions had been made. Ron and Hermione were there also as they had returned from their errands while they were gone. They wanted to go to Harry immediately but Charlie would not let them go.

An hour later Ginny and Harry were taken to Grimwald place. Kreacher had cleaned two rooms up just for them and had fixed a light meal for them. After seeing that they were ok Molly and Arthur left saying they would bring her things to her the next day.

Ginny settled down for the night sitting in the chair next to Harry's bed. She fell asleep soon after. Some how every thing was going to be ok.


	15. Chapter 15

_Chapter 15_

_Ginny woke the next morning to find Harry sleeping peacefully. She decided to go down stairs to fix some breakfast. As she entered the kitchen she found Kreacher already cooking. The old house elf turned and looked at her with a smile. She smiled back at him._

"_Kreacher I hope you don't mind Harry and I being here. Harry is having trouble dealing with everything and it is much quieter and less emotional here." Ginny said._

"_Kreacher is happy to have his master and his lady here. I live to serve master."_

"_Do you mind me asking you to do things? I only will ask you things that will help Harry. I promise that."_

"_Kreacher will help Miss Ginny take care of Master Harry. And will take care of Miss Ginny too."_

"_Thank you Kreacher. Now what are you fixing for breakfast? It smells absolutely delicious."_

_Kreacher looked up at her with a tear in his eye. "I is fixing eggs and bacon and toast."_

"_Sounds good. After I eat I have to go home to talk to my family. Could you watch over Harry for me?"_

"_Yes I will watch over my poor master." He said serving Ginny her breakfast. She ate quickly and sent a patronus to warn her mother she would be coming via floo network. "Kreacher when Harry wakes up try and make him eat something. He will most likely refuse." She said as she grabbed some floo powder. With a flash of green flame she arrived at the Burrow. It was quiet but she could hear murmurs in the kitchen. She quickly walked into the kitchen to see her entire family gathered. Molly ran over and gave her daughter a bone crushing hug. George looked up but barely could look at his sister._

"_George please don't blame yourself. Harry would have reacted that way no matter who yelled. I should have moved him a long time ago. George please understand it's not your fault."_

_George finally met his sisters eyes and rose to hug her. "How is he?"_

"_He was asleep when I left. Kreacher is watching him for me. He managed to sleep thru the night without any dreams. I think he's just exhausted. But I have some plans. Mum I would like to talk to you about them before I leave if we could?"_

"_Of course dear."_

_She sat down and visited with her family until everyone else left for the day leaving her with her mother. They sat over tea._

"_Mum I want to start a garden for Harry to work in at Grimmald place. I think him seeing things live because of him might be theraputic for him. Do you have any ideas?"_

_Molly thought for a moment and went and got some books for her daughter to take with her. For a hour or more they sat and discussed other ideas on helping Harry when Ginny suddenly noticed the time. She rushed out of the room to the fireplace in the living room. Ron and Hermione were in there with George and Charlie. She hurriedly made the fire call. _

_She peeked into the kitchen where she immediately saw Harry lying on the floor with Kreacher sitting on his chest force feeding him. _

"_Kreacher what are you doing?"_

"_Miss Ginny told Kreacher to make Master Harry eat something so that is what Kreacher is doing."_

_Ginny returned from the fire in a flurry of activity. She ran into the kitchen to gather her belongings. _

"_Mum I'm sorry I have to get back. Harry is on the kitchen floor and Kreacher is sitting on his chest and force feeding him. I've got to go." Ginny said as the others who had followed her into the kitchen moved out of her way. Her mother hurried after her and followed her thru the network to Grimmald place. Ginny hurriedly put her books down as her mother came behind her._

"_Kreacher please get off of Harry" _

_Kreacher stood up and moved so they could get him into a chair. Harry looked wildly around him waiting for another attack. _

"_Kreacher please next time don't sit on Harry and force feed him like that. Try to coax him too. But You did well. You did what I asked you to do just not quite the way I had imagined." Ginny said._

"_Harry are you alright?" Molly asked._

"_Yes. I just wasn't expecting that." Harry said hoarsely sounding like he hadn't spoke in days. _

"_I'm sorry Harry I didn't mean for him to do that. I just wanted him to try to get you to eat if you woke up." Ginny said panicking. _

"_You meant well Ginny I know you did." Harry said with very little emotion in his voice. After Molly decided that they were safe she headed home. Ginny explained to Harry about how badly they needed a flower garden in the back yard and together they asked Kreacher to clear the old one. After a small lunch Ginny took Harry out and helped him get started on their garden. Harry worked hard all afternoon with out saying a word. Ginny left him to it for a while as she went to start supper. He managed to get a lot done in it by the time supper was ready. They ate in comfortable silence. That night when they went to bed. Harry asked her to stay with him. Ginny didn't have to think twice before climbing into the bed next to him and holding him as he fell into a dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time._

_For the next week things went like that with the exception of Kreacher sitting on Harry and force feeding him. Harry didn't speak much but his voice when he spoke started to sound a little stronger. She couldn't tell if he still blamed himself so she waited. She finally decided to invite the family over for Sunday dinner. She sent her patronus to the Burrow and after receiving the message that they all would be there she started supper. Harry turned the wireless on outside to listen to music as he worked._

_The Weasely's all arrived hours before the meal was to take place. Molly hustled around the kitchen helping Ginny cook while everyone else seemed to be watching Harry work so diligently. The music came drifting in thru the open window. Ginny froze as she heard the first few lines of the song start. She and her mum rushed over to the window to watch with every one else. Kreacher took over watching the food._

_Harry stopped suddenly as the pain ripped at him again. His head hung as he fought back the tears.__ Harry thought about everyone who had died. The guilt had edged away but the pain of their loss was still there. Slowly the tear fell from his eyes._

_Ron started to move but Ginny put her hand on his shoulder. "Ron just let him be. He's ok. Really. He is just grieving." Ginny said sadly. Ron looked up at her and nodded. The rest of the family just looked on as Harry started to break down._

The tears fell like rain on Harry's cheeks as his hands fell loosely against his sides. Molly watched helplessly as he struggled with his grief. Arthur watched his daughter who's eyes filled with tears of her own. He could see how much she loved him. Harry tried to move but when he stood he fell back to his knees. Ginny jumped when she saw him and made her way out the door with tears streaming. She knew he needed her with out him saying a word. 

Harry didn't even hear her come up to him. "I miss them Ginny" he sobbed as he threw his arms around her as she sank to her knees beside him. "I know love, I know I do too." 

He sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder and she into his. The family watched as they grieved together. Maybe this was a sign that Harry was getting better.

Together they stood up with tears still falling and walked into the kitchen. Molly ran over and threw her arms around the two and surprisingly they both hugged her back crying on her shoulder as well.

"I miss them so much. I just want them back with us." Harry sobbed. "I know dear I know." Molly said through tears of her own. Looking up she saw a roomful of crying people as she ushered them further into the room.

Molly finally let them go and Ron and Hermione came over and hugged their friends murmuring that everything would be ok. Harry nodded.

Harry smiled a little at that last line. He knew that it was true. It was then he realized that the guilt was truly gone. But the sadness was still there.

"Can we eat now? I'm starving." Harry asked. Every one smiled and found a seat at the table. The meal was almost as loud as a normal Weasely dinner but there was an air of somberness that wasn't going to go away as soon as they would wish it would. A piece of all of them were missing and for Harry it was a huge hunk. 

"Ginny Do you think we could go home to the burrow?" Harry asked.

Molly smiled as a tear fell from her eyes she had almost given up hope that Harry would come home to the burrow again.

"Of Course we can. Lets pack after we eat and the whole family can go back together." Ginny said smiling. Molly and Arthur smiled at each other. Finally the family would be able to be together again. The family all ate and soon Ron went up with Harry to help him pack the few meager belongings that he would take back with him. 

"I'm glad you're coming back with us. It's been hard with out you." Ron said staring at the floor.

"So am I. But I couldn't stay there at least not then. I had to get through the worst before I could think about helping you all out. But while I was there I wouldn't allow myself to think or do anything because all I could think about was how much you all needed me and I made myself sick." Harry said.

"So Do you still blame yourself?" Ron said as Hermione joined them.

"Not as much as I have. Those thoughts still hit me but not as strong. I still have nightmares but even those are decreasing in both intensity and in frequency." Harry said looking at his two best friends. "So you two are together or what?"

"Yeah we are together how about you and Ginny?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know. I would like to date her again but I don't know if it would be fair to her. I've got baggage now." Harry said sadly.

"Harry you need Ginny as much as she needs you. She isn't herself with out you." Ron said turning a little pink at the admission.

"Ron right now I have to move slowly. Let's get downstairs before they send a search party for us." Harry said walking with his rucksack towards the door.

Harry walked slowly down the stairs as he came to a landing he could hear the soft sounds of some one crying he peaked in thinking that maybe Ginny had found a quiet place to cry but was surprised to see George sitting in the parlor with his head in his hands sobbing. Harry motioned for Ron and Hermione to go on down to the kitchen and he walked towards the crying man. 

He put his arms around him and let him cry into his shoulder. After several minutes He finally spoke. "George, Are you ok now?"

"I'm sorry Harry I was so angry. I didn't mean it. You could be dead right now and it would all be because of me and my anger." George said refusing to meet Harry's eyes. Harry looked around and quickly sent his patronus to the kitchen. Minutes later the whole Weasely family came bustling into the room. George looked up briefly before he went back to staring a hole in the floor. Every one looked questioningly at Harry before he spoke.

"George what I'm about to say goes not only to you but your entire family. So I called them all here so I only have to say this once.. George What I almost succeeded doing last week was not your fault. Maybe your words did effect me but believe me I'd been thinking of it for quite a while before it happened. If anything I should be thanking you for what you did." Harry said looking around the room.

Everyone stared at him even George looked up at him. 

"George sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start getting yourself back up again. You pushed me to the point to which I was at the rock bottom. I couldn't get any lower. But what is more important is. If you hadn't done what you did No one would have finally listened to me. I begged Ginny the days after the funerals were over just let me leave but she as I did knew that know one would let me. I needed time to myself to wrap myself around everything that happened in my own mind but I couldn't because I was so busy trying to take care of everyone else that I made myself sick and depressed. In the week since Ginny brought me here I have had time to think. My dreams are getting somewhat better and I don't feel depressed. I feel like I can come back to the world somewhat."

"So you are better now?" George asked hopefully.

"Well I still have my good days and my bad days. Like you saw sometimes a simple song will break me down to tears. I still have moments when I blame myself and memories will sometimes come back to me. So No I am not completely better but I am in a better place right now. But with any emotional healing it's going to take time. But I don't feel the need to be alone any more and for the next few challenges I'm going to need your support. I have to face going out in public and decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life." Harry said.

Molly rushed head long towards the young man and threw her arms around him. "Of course Harry we will help you as much as we can. We are just so relieved that you are back with us."

After a rather large group hug they finally left for the burrow. It was good to going home.


	16. Chapter 16

_Chapter 16_

_Harry had been back at the borrow for a few days now. He was eating without having to be forced and was talking to everyone even if his smile was still missing they could all tell he was trying to get better. Harry listened to lots of music as he went about the house doing chores and just helping out. The Weasely's who now were in full blown mourning as they didn't have to worry about Harry seemed to be quieter than usual and didn't laugh like they used to. Hermione was getting ready to go find her parents in Australia._

_The house was tense but Harry could handle it now. He would hug Molly when she sobbed. Soothe George when the tears started. He could say just the right thing when Ron needed him too. But Ginny was pulling away from him. He couldn't explain when it had started but he could feel it. She barely looked at him anymore. It hurt more than words could say but He still knew he wasn't alone. He had the rest of the family to take care of. He just wished that he knew what to do about the woman he loved._

_He was thinking about Ginny as he dusted the living room listening to the wireless. He was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice the red headed girl enter the room. She glared at him while he worked. She didn't know why she was so angry at him or why she was terrified without him all at the same time. __Harry turned around to find Ginny glaring at him. Her eye's seemed to pierce his very heart to see. After a few minutes he grabbed the wireless and walked to the kitchen. Where everyone else was gathered._

_Every one turned to watch as Harry hurried in still listening to his music trying to avoid Ginny. They all saw the anger and hurt behind her hard brown eyes. Ron looked at Harry to see a tear forming in his eyes. He looked at Hermione who had also noticed the tear in his eye. They both shook their heads. This was going to be ugly._

_Harry looked hopelessly at everyone as if begging some one to rescue him from Ginny's anger. The brothers all shifted uncomfortably in their seats. None was willing to try to come between the two young people._

"_Ginny please Just talk to me. I don't know what your so angry about." Harry pleaded with emotion in his voice. But Ginny ignored his pleading and continued to glare at him._

_All of a sudden the pain was gone from Harry's eyes replaced with anger. His green eyes darkened with the anger that made the others slightly afraid of what was about to happen. Harry glared back at Ginny as hard as she was glaring at him. Molly and Arthur made a move to get everyone else out of the kitchen as the song ended but they couldn't get the stunned people to move. Bill just stared helplessly._

Finally the song ended and Harry slammed the wireless off. It took everyone by surprise even Ginny who jumped at his sudden outburst. He turned away from her as he was trying to control his anger. Slowly he turned to face her again. With a deadly quiet voice he spoke. "I want to know why your so angry with me. Why you have been avoiding me. After everything. After all the words that you have said to me in the past few weeks about loving me. I honestly don't understand why you are doing this."

No one moved they all turned to see what Ginny would say.

"HARRY POTTER don't you even think about turning this around on me!" Ginny said angrily.

"Turn this around How the hell am I turning this around on you when I don't even know what the hell I did to make you so mad." He spat at her.

"You want to know why I'm so mad at you. Well I'll tell you. For weeks I have watched you slowly retreat into yourself. I was the one who found you in the shrieking shack. I was the one who healed your cut from where you slit your wrist. And then cleaned you and the room up so no one else would know." Ginny stopped as she took some deep breaths before going on. Bill, Charlie, Percy and Ron all looked up at Harry begging that what their sister just said was a lie. That he didn't really make an attempt but the guilt they saw on his face told them it was true. Hermione and Fleur quietly sobbed. Molly and Arthur watched the scene sadly. George started to look angry but no one could figure out with whom.

"Now you stand here as you have for days now cleaning the house acting like nothing is wrong. How can you just pretend everything is ok?" Ginny said her anger was already gone replaced with complete sadness.

"Everything Ok? That's news to me. Nothing is ok. I do what I have to do. Everyday I get out of my bed and try to do something that will help someone else even though that is the last thing I want to do. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. But I make myself. Everyday I eat food even though I still can't taste any of it. But I know I have to keep my strength up for everyone else. Everyday I do chores so Maybe just maybe I can be useful to some one else if I can't be for myself. So I would say that everything is most definitely not ok!" Harry said quietly.

"If everything isn't ok then why aren't you talking about it then?" Ginny asked.

"I don't talk about it because it doesn't change a thing. No matter how much I talk to you or your family the pain just remains. I get up because I want to get better. I want to be whole again. I don't want this giant hole in my heart. It hurts Ginny. I thought you understood. All this time you kept saying you love me. And you stood by me as I was at my worst but when I finally try to do something for myself and be there for you, You shut me out of your life. You are angry with me for trying to get better." Harry answered throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "Ginny I love you But I don't understand what is going on. All I know is this is going to drive me insane trying to figure it out."

"Then Why try?" Ginny asked as her anger started to build again.

"Because I thought we were worth it obviously you don't agree. I'm sorry you don't but there you have it." Harry said with a tear trailing down his cheek. The rest of the family could see He was about to bolt but they were powerless to stop him. Harry looked at Ginny as if begging her to tell him to stay and when she said nothing he rushed out of the kitchen and disappeared with a pop.

"Go ahead and leave Harry it's what your good at." Ginny said so quietly that George could barely hear her. But he had heard her say it. Anger and disappointment ran through him like ice water. Every one sat staring at Ginny until George found his voice.

"Ginny I'm trying very hard here not to raise my voice or let my anger get the best of me. But you are going to hear every word I have to say." George said in a low growl causing Ginny to sit down abruptly. "I have seen you do and heard you say some outrageous things in my life but I never thought you would stoop so low as this. You don't seem to understand what he is going thru. I know you hurt over the loss of Fred and Colin and Tonks and Lupin but I guarantee you that he is hurting 100 times worse than you. You have lost four people who you cared about. That's tough But Harry he has lost almost everyone he ever loved. And now he thinks he's lost the only woman he has ever truly loved."

"If he loved me so much why did he try and kill himself?" Ginny asked daring her older brother to defy that logic.

"You seem to know him better than nearly everyone here but you barely know him at all to ask that question. You know after He came home from being with you after his attempt he and I have done some talking. You know what I learned? I learned that Harry has a bigger heart than anyone I've ever met. You really want to know why he did that. He tried to kill himself because he was hurting so bad and with that he thought that he was causing us more pain and that we didn't deserve anymore. He couldn't find a way out. He knew we would never let him leave. He didn't see any other option. He was so filled with guilt and anger that he didn't know what to do with it. I know you don't understand it but I do. I was there. I know what he's going thru. In the hours after Fred died I almost killed myself. I felt so alone and helpless. But the love of my family got me through it. Harry got me thru it. You see He took time away from his own pain and helped me see the truth."

"You thought about it but you didn't try it." Ginny said factually.

The rest of the family sat their stunned at George's speech and waited with baited breath to see what else he would say to her. 

"No I didn't and you should be thanking Harry for that. But the point that makes me the angriest with you is the fact that you told him you loved him and then treat him like this. Do you even realize how special that is to him? You have always been told that some one loves you. I want you to understand this loud and clear. Harry has never had anyone tell him they loved him. NO ONE EVER IN HIS LIFE SAID THAT THEY LOVED HIM! But you did. Do you have any idea what that does to some one who has never heard it? It made him feel like he was somebody. Do you know what you did today? You ripped out his already broken heart and stomped all over it. That is what you did. Now you have two choices." George said staring angrily into Ginny's tear stained face. "You can either go fix this with him or you can do nothing and watch as we lose another brother. But be warned if you do nothing after hearing how you have hurt him I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you." 

George walked quickly out of the room. Ginny stared at his retreating form and looked at the rest of her family. Ron was staring at the floor he wasn't crying but she could tell he was close. Bill was comforting Fleur with anger etching his scarred face. Charlie just sat shaking his head. Percy just stared straight ahead. Her mum was angry and hurt at the same time. Her dad looked like he was ready to take up where George left off but instead he just stared at the table. Hermione was crying loudly. 

Ginny's mind raced as she tried to figure out what to do. She slowly made her way out of the kitchen and with a pop was gone in search of Harry.

Harry entered the leaky cauldron and found him a seat at the bar. The bar was almost empty so he wasn't to worried about being recognized. Tom the old barkeep came up and asked him what he was having.

"Firewhiskey please and keep them coming." Harry said giving Tom enough money to keep him in drinks for quite a while. Tom recognized the young man at once but could sense that he was troubled and didn't want his presence know said nothing as he poured the drink. Harry sat there for hours drinking glass after glass quietly. He never said a word to anyone until an old friend from school sat down next to him. At first he didn't recognize Neville at first. It wasn't until he finally spoke that he recognized him.

"Blimey Harry what are you doing here?" Neville asked.

"I'm drinking." Harry said.

"I can see that. Why are you drinking?" Neville asked clearly concerned.

"Have you ever had the woman you love just rip it away from you?" Harry asked calmly.

"Er no." Neville answered 

"I have tonight. So I thought well might as well drink my way into forgetting."

"Ginny turned you away."

"She said she loved me. But I'm too weak. It's not her fault don't be mad at her. I'm weak. She needs some one who is strong." Harry said as he started to slur his words. He took another gulp of his drink and started to cry.

Neville looked around thankfully the bar room was empty except for them as the bar was closing soon.

"Come on Harry let's get you home." Neville said pulling Harry out of his seat. "So where to?" 

"Grimmauld place I can't go back to the borrow." 

Neville helped Harry to the house and went in with him to make sure he was safe. He then went into a nearby bed room and laid down himself. He wasn't going to leave Harry alone. 

Ginny arrived back at the burrow late that night in tears after not being able to find Harry anywhere. She found everyone waiting for her. She sobbed as she told them she couldn't find him. Molly led her upstairs and put her daughter to bed. She then went back down to the kitchen where they discussed what they would do next. Arthur decided that they should do nothing for now. He told the family that this was Ginny's mess that she had to be the one to fix it. However they would step in if Harry didn't turn up in a few days. After a few minutes they all with heavy hearts went on up to bed.

The dream hit Harry again that night. He awoke in a cold sweat and called for Kreacher. He asked Kreacher to bring him up a bottle of Fire Whiskey. When the house elf returned he thanked him and poured him another drink. He spent the rest of the night between sleeping and being woken by dreams he couldn't control and drinking another shot. By the time Neville got up the next morning Harry was drunker than he was the night before.

As he walked into the room he found Harry putting his memories into the pensieve he had bought some time ago. Neville didn't say a word as he walked up to his friend as he finished his work. Harry looked like he was going to pass out any minute. Neville led Harry to his bed and made him lie down. Soon Harry was out cold. Neville looked apprehensively at the pensieve. He knew he shouldn't take a look but he knew that if he was going to figure out how to help his friend he had to know what was going on in Harry's mind. Slowly he allowed himself to enter the memories. He saw first the battle with Voldemort then it changed to the memorials. The memories of the fight with the death eaters came to surface. Neville watched in awe as Harry fought all eight all by himself.

Suddenly the mood of the memories changed. They became darker. He saw George yell at Harry and Harry's attempt at Suicide. Then he saw a scene of Ginny telling Harry she loved him. Then suddenly he was seeing the fight they had the day before. His heart broke as he watched Harry's slumped shoulders enter the bar. He could feel Harry's heartbreak and depressed state of mind. Then he went into the last memory. It was his dream he kept having all night. Neville saw everyone who had died that Harry loved surrounding taunting, even blaming him for their deaths and then he saw Ginny join the group. He saw her slap Harry and call him a cold blooded murderer. Neville couldn't take anymore he drug himself out of the memories to find Harry still out cold. He ran in a cold sweat down to the kitchen where He called Luna and Seamus. Minutes later they both appeared in the kitchen. He explained quickly what was going on and they both agreed to stay with him and Harry to help.

Ginny returned home again. She had spent a second day searching for Harry. She sat down at the kitchen table and broke down in tears. No one could really help her because this was hers to fix. 

Neville and Luna and Seamus sat in the parlor with Harry who was listening to music again and on his third bottle of Fire Whiskey. They all were at a loss as to what to do. The music was slow and sad. Neville whispered that he would go for help once Harry passed out again. The other two nodded in agreement. Neville couldn't leave the two to deal with a very drunk Harry.

"I know how this guy feels. I know I'll love her til the day I die even if she doesn't return it." Harry said taking a big gulp of the amber fluid. Neville looked helplessly at Seamus.__

"She said she loved me. Why would she lie to me?" Harry cried as he took another sip. Seamus looked questioningly at Neville who murmured "Ginny" and returned his gaze to Harry.

"I remember every time she said it to me. Maybe it's true that I don't deserve love. Maybe Voldemort was right and I will always be alone. Hell maybe Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia was right in saying I don't deserve to be loved by anyone being the freak I am." Harry said to no in particular. Neville looked panicked at the words he just heard.

"I'll probably never see her again. Maybe I'd be better off dead. I should have gone on when I had the chance." Harry took a large gulp of the liquid and started to sob.

As the song ended they barely got up in time to catch Harry as he passed out again. They got him onto the sofa and with a small nod Neville headed out the door to apperate at the burrow. He quickly walked up the walk to the back door. He slowly knocked on the door. Mrs. Weasely opened the door. 

"OH Neville I'm sorry this isn't a very good time for visitors." She said kindly. He could tell that she had been crying.

"Please Mrs. Weasely I'm here about Harry." Neville said.

Molly quickly ushered him into the kitchen where plans for the next day's search was in process of being made. He looked around at the drawn faces not looking forward to what he had to tell him. Every one looked up at him. He cleared his throat.

"Um yeah I know where Harry is." He said loudly as all mouths dropped open.

"Where is he? Why didn't you bring him here with you?" Ron asked.

"I took him to Grimmauld place yesterday sometime. And I couldn't bring him with me. He's really bad off you see." He said sadly.

"What do you mean he's bad off?" Bill asked.

"He's been drinking Fire Whiskey a lot. I found him at the leaky cauldron drinking all by himself and I managed to get him to the house. He passed out and I thought he would sleep it off. By the time I woke up this morning he had finished his second bottle and was on a third. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen so I just stayed with him and made sure he was safe. I called a couple of friends to stay with him until I got back with help but I didn't leave until he passed out."

"Other than being drunk is he ok?" Charlie asked.

"No He keeps talking about things I didn't understand until later. Later on I found his pensieve. I know I shouldn't have but I wanted to help him and the only way I could was to find out what is going inside his brain. I know about his suicide attempt and if I might add I think he is now going the slow way about it. But most disturbing thing I saw was the dream he had last night. All of those we lost during the battle plus in years past surrounded him and was taunting him and blaming him and then Ginny appeared and called him a cold blooded murderer and slapped him." Neville said.

"Oh my his nightmares are back and worse than ever." Molly said stifling a sob.

"It gets worse as he was starting his third bottle he was listening to music and basically ignoring us. But in his defense I don't think he realized we were there. He said that he would love Ginny til the day he died even if she didn't love him. Then he was asking why she would lie to him about loving him. And he went on about how maybe you know who was right that he would be alone and that maybe his muggle relatives were right when they said he didn't deserve to be loved. Then he said that he would probably never see her again. And worse yet he said he would be better off dead and was asking why he didn't just go on after Voldemort killed him. Then he passed out. I hurried over here to see if anyone could come help. I didn't know where else to go." Neville said sadly.

"I'm going He needs to know that I do love him that I was only hurt and angry." Ginny said quickly.

"NO Ginny right now he isn't himself. Let me and Charlie and Dad go. We will get him sobered up and then you can talk to him." Bill said with Fleur nodding in approval beside him.

"But I did this to him." Ginny said as tears fell from her eyes.

"Gin until he is sober he won't hear you." Charlie said. "We promise we will sort him out and then you can do what you need to do." Ginny only nodded.

Charlie and Bill rose out of their seats and after hugging Ginny left towards the fireplace. Arthur spoke quickly to Molly before joining them. Neville stopped next to Ginny "Look I'm not trying to judge you or make you feel worse but I can honestly say I don't think I know you anymore. I never thought that you could treat him this way. Maybe some one else. But not Harry" With out waiting for a reply he joined the others and they all floo'd to the house.

Ginny sat in the kitchen sobbing for the longest time as Ron fled the kitchen and up the stairs. Hermione felt torn between the man she loved and comforting one of her best friends but slowly made her way up to comfort Ron. Molly went about making more tea with tears running down her face. George came around the table and put his arms around his baby sister. Percy gave his mum a hug and then went upstairs to process all of the information.

Bill was the first to enter the parlor where Harry was. As he entered he could hear the wretched sobs and screams coming from what appeared to be a small lump in the sofa. It was only when he neared it that he recognized Harry curled up in a ball. Seamus now sporting a black eye and what could be a broken nose stood fearfully watching the figure. Charlie gasped as he joined his brother. Arthur who was the last to enter instructed them to hide the liquor.

"Seamus what happened to you?" Neville finally asked.

"Just after you left mate, he started thrashing and screaming. He must be having nightmares so I went over and tried to soothe him and well he threw his arms out and I didn't duck fast enough."

Bill looked over as a horrible cry bounced off all the walls. Harry had moved even further into a fetal position. "This isn't going to be easy, Is it?"

"No Bill I think this is going to be harder than we thought. Neville, Luna, Seamus I want you three to floo straight too the burrow and have Molly heal you. Tell them we will let them know what is going on as soon as we can." Arthur said as he quickly sent a patronus letting Molly know they were coming.

Molly sat in the kitchen softly talking to her distraught daughter as a silver weasel came running into the kitchen. As it started to speak a heartbreaking wretched scream emitted from the form before Arthur's voice was finally heard. "Neville and friends should be arriving in seconds. Seamus has been hurt. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Molly looked up to see Neville, Seamus and a very quiet Luna standing in the door way. She ushered them to the table where they sat down and tea was served while she worked on Seamus.

"What was that scream we heard?" Ginny asked fearfully. Luna glared at her friend. Seamus just shook his head. Neville finally sighed and answered. "Harry. He's passed out and having another dream. He did that to Seamus while he was dreaming after I left."

"Mum will Harry get through this?"

"I hope so dear."

"If he doesn't it's all my fault. Why was I so angry? I didn't mean to be." Ginny said hopelssly.

"You are angry because you are still grieving. But I would have thought that you would at least kept your anger for your brothers and not the man you love." Luna said in an unexpected anger. Ginny said nothing but only looked down at her hands. 

Ron was staring at the floor saying nothing to Hermione who was rubbing his back. They sat there for a long time before he broke the silence. "Why did she do that? Why couldn't she just blow up at me? He was trying to get better. He was talking again and eating. He was doing better. Hermione what are we going to do if he doesn't get through this? I can't lose another brother. I can't." He said as the tears started to flow. His shoulders shook as that sobs became harder. Hermione pulled him to her and held him as he sobbed on her shoulder. Tears filled her own eyes.

"Ron we have to have faith that he will get through this. We can't think that he won't." She said as they fell again into silence. George who had been standing outside his door fell against the wall and slid down to the floor as his own tears fell. Ron had just said everything they all were thinking. "Fred if you were here you could help us make sense of this. You could be helping make Harry stronger. Why did you have to go? You should have stayed with us. We needed you. Hell we still do." He said quietly.

Bill and Charlie went around the large mansion and destroyed every bottle of fire whiskey that they found while Kreacher destroyed those they couldn't. He was torn because he didn't know if Harry would approve and he lived to serve him but at the same time he would do anything to help him. 

Arthur watched helplessly while Harry relived all of his worst memories and some of his own imagination. He knew Harry was struggling to break free as he spoke in soft tones to him. Slowly Harry calmed down enough for Arthur to rub his back. Harry slowly started to wake up. He jumped slightly at the sight of Arthur sitting beside him.

"sh Harry it's ok It's just me and Bill and Charlie. Do you know where you are?" Arthur asked as Harry looked around. Harry finally nodded. He was still very drunk but at least he knew where he was.

"Mr. Weasely I don't understand."

"What don't you understand Harry?"

"Why I can't be happy. Why I can never feel loved. Why Ginny would say she loves me one day and push me away the next. Why I have to be such a burden to everyone I love. I can't understand any of this. Why am I still alive when so many others who deserved a chance at happiness is gone. Why was I given a choice and no one else was? It's not fair to anyone. I chose to come back because I love Ginny and wanted to be a part of her life but all I've done is cause her pain. Maybe I should just stay away for good." Harry said slightly slurring his words.

Bill gasped slightly as he listened out side the door. Charlie looked at his older brother with shock in his eyes. They never realized how much Harry felt for their sister or for everyone else. When They had been told that he had died at the final battle they thought he was kidding. That emotionally he died. The two never stopped to think that he was talking literal.

"Harry I'll be right back to answer you I just want to send one of the boys home for some potion to sober you up a bit." Arthur said as Harry nodded.

Arthur met his sons out in the hall. He instructed them to go to the borrow and return with some potion. If one of them wanted to stay with the family that would be ok. He was sure they could get along without him. Arthur went back to Harry as the boys left to apparate back to the borrow. They didn't really want to face the family right at that moment. But they knew they had too.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The borrow was eerily quiet as Bill stepped from the fireplace. He quickly walked to the kitchen without waiting for Charlie who was right behind him. Everyone was sipping their tea as He entered. They all looked up wordlessly as he shook his head.

"Mum we need lots of the sobering potion." Bill said urgently.

"He's that bad?" she questioned as she got up to retrieve the potions.

"From what we found he is worse than we thought. He was on his third bottle by the time we got there and was passed out. He was having a nightmare. Dad had a hell of a time calming him down. But he finally did. Well I have to get this stuff back. Charlie do you want to stay and fill them in on everything or do you want me too?" Bill asked.

Charlie looked at his brother with a panic stricken face. He did not want to go back and see Harry in that condition. "I'll stay here. Thanks you know how to get me if I'm needed." He answered.

Bill kissed his wife and then quickly left to return. Charlie sat down and took a cup of tea from his mum as she sat back down. Everyone sat quietly waiting to hear what he had to say. Ginny looked pale and tired.

"I've never seen him look so weak and tired. Not even after he fought off those death eaters. I can't explain it. He doesn't look depressed like he did when he tried you know. He looks worse somehow. I don't know. I thought he was done with feeling guilty but I think he still feels it. After he woke up he and dad were talking. Bill and I was outside the room and heard every word. I wish I didn't though."

"Charlie It couldn't have been that bad could it?" Hermione asked with tears falling.

"I wish I could say it wasn't but it was. Harry is so confused. He doesn't understand so much of what has been happening. He is struggling with the deaths of everyone and he can't understand why he was given the choice of coming back and others didn't. He doesn't understand why he can't be free to feel loved by others. He doesn't seem to understand why he deserves to be loved. Ginny I know this is going to hurt you to hear but the first thing he said that he doesn't understand is about you. He doesn't understand why you say you love him and then push him away for unknown reasons. I know he pushes people away so don't use that argument with me. Because we all know that when he does He is trying to protect others as well as himself." Charlie added before Ginny could argue. The rest of them nodded in agreement.

"Did you all realize that during the battle he really did go and die? I know he told us but I didn't really believe it. I thought he meant emotionally not physically." Charlie said his voice starting to shake. "I heard him talking with dad about it. I could never imagine what he is going through and the anguish he has been going through as he has been trying to comfort all of us. Knowing that he had the choice to return to us or to go on to the other side. Knowing that the others never got that chance."

Ron looked up at his older brother. He had never thought about it. Of course he knew that Harry had really died and then came back but he had never thought how it effected how he was feeling. He looked around at his family and saw that most of them were coming to the same realization. He felt Hermione tense up next to him as she laid her head on his shoulder and whispered. "Why didn't I think of this before?" Ron put his arm around her and patted her back as Charlie continued.

"He told dad the reason he came back. Ginny I know this too will probably hurt. But he said you were the reason he came back. He said he loves you. But even though he loves you he feels that all he does is bring you pain. I've never heard him sound like that. It was like he has lost all the hope he had gained in the past few days." Every one sat in silence as he finished speaking. Charlie wanted to run from them all. He could feel the lump in his throat starting to get larger and more urgent. He didn't want to cry in front of his family but he sat their unable to move, unable to stop the tears that still threatened to fall.

Molly looked at her son who's shoulders had started to shake. She got up and walked over to her son and put her arms around him as the tears started to fall. He sobbed into her shoulder as he managed to say "Mum How much more does he have to go through? He says it's not fair that he got to come back and no one else did. Why can't he just have the chance to be happy? When will he be able to stop putting all of us ahead of him?"

As she held him close she said looking at them all "I don't know Charlie. But I hope it is soon." Charlie's tears finally ebbed away. "I've never met anyone who was so selfless. He is really hurting but he puts his pain to the side to help everyone else."

Ginny couldn't sit there anymore. She ran out of the kitchen and out to the gardens where she sunk to her knees as she sobbed. She didn't even hear Percy approach her. He wrapped his arms around her and let her sob into his shoulder. "Percy what did I do? If he doesn't get through this it's my fault. I was so angry. Why didn't I take it out on Ron like I usually do."

"Ginny look at me." he said forcefully. "You can't lose hope. He will get through this. He still needs you and if I'm not mistaken you still need him. I know you love him and from what Charlie says he loves you. Loves you enough to come back and face his demons for the chance to be with you. Ginny I know it's hard to watch him suffer so much. It's hard to watch those we love push their feelings aside so that they could be their for you. But he has done that for all of us because He loves us. Despite all the pain he has gone through he loves us. If anyone had the right to turn their back on the world it's him and yet he doesn't. I know that you are confused but after hearing Charlie tonight I think that Harry is confused as well. Just give him some time Gin, and keep the hope. He's going to need for your hope to be enough for both of you for now."

Ginny nodded as they got up and went back into the still filled kitchen. Without asking any questions Molly got them some tea and biscuits and waited for news from her husband.

Arthur sat next to a very drunk and distraught Harry. Harry was crying again and refusing to allow Arthur to even touch him. "Harry calm down. You'll make yourself sick carrying on like this." Arthur said. "Harry I don't know what to tell you other than Ginny is just very confused and worried. She loves you. I don't know why you were given the choice about coming back and others didn't. But I know that I'm glad that you did have the chance. Harry as much as I miss Fred, It would have been worse if you were gone too. The pain my family feels over the loss of Fred will someday get easier but Harry don't you see. If we lost both of you I don't think we would ever overcome that. Harry you are like a son to me and Molly. I know you think that you have caused us more pain than anything but that isn't true. If anything you have given us hope. We know you are struggling but through it all you have taken time from your own grief to help us through ours. You have such a loving heart and sometimes you don't take the time you need for yourself."

Harry looked up into Arthur's eyes but couldn't keep the contact long. Tears welled up in the older man's eyes as he saw the pain the boy was going through. He sat there with him losing all track of time.

The borrow was quiet as Minerva and Kingsley approached the door. Kingsley knocked loudly on the door and smiled as Molly opened the door. His smile faded as he saw the faces of the group sitting around the table. Molly quickly offered them tea and arranged seats for them. Kingsley took a look around and instantly noticed their was a couple of people missing.

"Where is Arthur and Harry? And Bill?" Kingsley asked.

"Grimmauld place. Harry is having a spot of trouble." Molly said hoping they wouldn't ask any more about it.

"What is wrong with him?" Minerva asked.

Everyone looked at each other. Ginny slowly cleared her throat and spoke. "He and I had an argument and he got really angry and ran out. He turned up at the leaky cauldron and well after three bottles of fire whiskey is now really really drunk." Minerva and Kingsley looked at her in shock.

"What on earth did you argue with him about that would upset him that badly?" the older woman asked angrily.

Ginny looked around as she started to speak Ron angrily answered. "She was angry because Harry was acting like he was fine. Because she doesn't understand how he can do it."

"Ron you don't know as much about it as you think you do." Ginny shot back angrily at her brother.

"I know more than you think I do. He was trying to get better. He doesn't want to feel the way he does. He has been trying and you yell at him for it."

"Ron LOOK YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE TO WALK IN AND FIND HIM SITTING IN THE SHRIEKING SHACK WITH BLOOD RUNNING DOWN HIS ARMS FROM WHERE HE SLIT HIS WRIST. I WAS. I WAS THE ONE WHO HEALED THEM. I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF HIM AFTER. I WAS THE ONE WHO FOUGHT MUM AND DAD WHEN THEY WANTED TO SEND HIM TO ST. MUNGO'S. I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING THE MAN I LOVE AGAIN. DO YOU EVEN HAVE AN IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURTS?" Ginny screamed as her emotions took over.

Minerva and Kingsley looked at each other in shock. They didn't realize how bad it was for the boy to deal with everything that happened. Molly looked at Ron knowing he was about to explode and knowing she could do nothing to stop it.

"YOU THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY THAT LOVES HARRY. HE IS MY BEST MATE AND MORE LIKE A BROTHER. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURT ME TO FIND OUT WHAT HE DID AND KNOW THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO HELP?" Ron screamed.

"RON YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON. THERE ARE THINGS THAT HE WON'T TELL ANYONE."

"I KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK I DO. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF? HE DID IT BECAUSE HE CAN'T DEAL WITH THE PAIN SOMETIMES. SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE IT TAKES OVER AND HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING. THE MEMORIES JUST KEEP COMING. AND YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I KNOW? I KNOW BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WHO WAKES UP WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE NIGHT WHEN HE SCREAMS OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR PEOPLE HE WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN ON EARTH. DO YOU KNOW THAT HE PUTS A SILENCING CHARM ON OUR ROOM SO HE DOESN'T WAKE YOU UP. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I WAKE UP AND FIND HIM STARING AT OUR GARDEN WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE AND I CAN'T DO A DAMN THING TO HELP HIM." Ron screamed finally loosing steam. "Ginny you don't know what we do every night. Every night I wake up if he doesn't have a nightmare and find him staring out into our garden. And we go together to Grimmauld Place and he works in his garden. His first rose bloomed the other day and I swear it was the first real smile I saw on his face since everything happened. And the sad thing was in an instant it was gone. He started to feel guilty for a moment of happiness."

"He's been working in his garden. Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Ginny does it really matter. Why can't you just trust him to do what he needs to do?"

"Ron how can I trust him? Look we got into an argument and then ran out and got drunk."

"When we first started going to his garden sometimes he just works in his garden and doesn't say a word. Then other times he talks to me. And many times he will just sit and cry. Ginny The memories of everything are with him every waking moment and then torment him every night. He see's their faces in his dreams and everything he feels he should have done comes He goes to the garden so that he can get through his emotions in a calming environment. So that He can get up and do the things he has to do for everyone else. He doesn't tell you these things because he is afraid that you will see him as too weak to be with."

"What? He thinks that I will think he is weak for working in his garden and crying and grieving." Ginny asked.

"Yeah He does. And I know you want to know why he got drunk. Well He wanted to forget everything for just one night. But it didn't work for him." Ron said sadly.

Kingsley looked at Molly's tear stained face and saw that every word the two young people had said was true. Minerva had tears running down her cheeks. She had become very fond of Harry over the years.

"I'm sorry Kingsley, Minerva you two should not have found out about all of this in this manner." Molly said.

"Molly no matter how we found out we would have been shocked. Arthur is with him now?"

"Yes he is. He should be sending a message anytime now with an update." Molly said looking longingly out the window with worry. They sat there for what seemed forever. Soon they saw the silvery figure approaching them. The form stopped in front of Molly. And in Arthur's voice said. "Harry is the same. I'm giving him potions but they are only marginally making better. I need more."

Molly found a couple more bottles and sent Charlie with them. She sat back down as Fleur served more tea. No one was drinking it but it was comforting just the same. George unable to stand the silence any longer turned on the wireless to put some music in the house. Neville and Seamus looked sadly at each other. They had never thought of the possibility of Harry attempting suicide or the torment he was going through everyday. They only got to see the strong tough Harry. As the song started Luna started to hum along trying not to think about Harry.

Ginny started to cry softly as her mum put her arms around her. Hermione held on to Ron as if he was going to disappear if she let him go. Every one else sat in silence as the song filled the room.

Arthur sat with Harry listening to music trying to calm the boy down. It seemed that music was the only thing that seemed to do any good. Harry watched the fire burn in the fireplace as the song went on.

Harry sat in a daze as he thought about Ginny. He still loved her so much. He was trying to deal with everything. There had been a day or two when it seemed he was getting himself back together.

Ginny sat staring at her hands as she listened to the song. Slowly as her thoughts whirled around her she started to realize that He was trying to show his love by trying to go on with his life as painful as it was for him. Something that she wasn't allowing herself to do. She got up quickly and walked outside of the house. She stared at the stars not noticing that someone had followed. The soft footfalls behind her made her spin quickly.

Harry could feel the drunken stupor leaving his body as the pain washed through him and a sob released from somewhere in his soul. He realized what hurt the most for him is that every one he loved was either gone or in pain. As he sat there with Arthur He started to think about how many had died. Not just Remus, Tonks, Colin and Fred but every other person of the fifty people who lost their lives. Then what about the survivors. They had to do something no one could ever forget those that died or those that had survived. That was what hurt the most. Knowing that all of these brave people would be forgotten over time and Ginny.

"Ginny why did you run out of there?" the dreamy voice said.

"Luna I didn't run I walked actually. I just needed to think." Ginny said factually.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know I guess I'm just scared and angry with myself." Ginny said softly.

"Angry for hurting Harry?"

"No, Well yes I'm angry with my self but that isn't the only reason." Ginny said getting frustrated with not being able to just say it. "I am so frustrated with myself. Here Harry is trying to get better. Trying to go on with his life as hard as it is for him and I can't even do that myself. Everyone thinks I am but really I'm still in the same place I was on the night of the battle. Sure I've grieved but I'm not moving forward."

"Do you blame Harry because he is having so many problems right now?"

"No I understand. I knew he would have problems with everything. I didn't expect all of this but I knew there would be some."

"Are you angry with him about anything?" Luna asked knowing there was something her friend wasn't saying.

"Yes I'm mad at Harry. I'm angry he left me here while he and Ron and Hermione went out to do what ever they needed to do. I'm angry that I can't tell him." Ginny said fiercely.

"Maybe you should." Said a voice causing both girls to turn around. Charlie stood their taking his little sister in his arms. "It can't do any more damage than he has done to himself. You can't keep hiding it from him. You'll just blow up at him again."

"Charlie what if you are wrong. What if it pushes him over the edge again? Despite how angry I am I still can't lose him either." Ginny said quietly.

"Look sprite. You will lose him if you keep this all bottled up. Maybe you should just tell him you need to keep your distance for a while until you get over being so angry about him leaving." Charlie said calmly.

"Maybe your right. I think I'll go now while everyone else is inside." Ginny said with a resolve of steel. With a turn she appeared on the street in front of Grimmauld place. She quickly entered the house and went up the stairs to the parlor. She peaked in to see Harry sitting alone. She wondered where her father and brother was but quickly shook the thoughts away. He was staring into the fire. She quickly entered the room and cleared her throat to let him know she was there.

"Harry I need to talk to you. I'm sorry that I blew up at you. I'm not angry that you are getting better or trying to. I'm angry because you left me for a stupid noble reason. I should have been honest with you." Ginny said in one breath.

Harry looked up at her. He didn't say a word but the look in his eyes told her he understood.

"I know that you are hurting and I don't want to add to it."

"Then don't Ginny. You have every right to be angry at me. I left you and then I tried to keep you from fighting. I admit it I was being selfish. I wanted you to be safe more than I wanted anything. I only cared about what I wanted and what I needed."

"Harry I think it would be best if we didn't continue our relationship for a while. I know we weren't officially back together or anything but I don't want to hurt you by being angry with you. I have to separate myself so that I can get over the hurt. I'm sorry. Harry I still love you but I can't be with you when I am so angry." Ginny said sadly willing the tears that were threatening to fall not too.

Harry said nothing but turned back to the fire.

"Harry say something?"

Harry turned to face her standing up quickly. She could tell he was no longer drunk but could see the hurt in his eyes. "What the Hell do you expect me to say? That I'm happy. Or maybe you want to hear that I'm ok with losing the only woman I ever loved. I honestly don't know what you want me to say."

"I just want to know that you are going to be ok. That you won't do anything stupid."

"Gin just tell me is this it forever?"

"I don't know Harry I just don't know." Ginny said as she ran out of the room before the tears started to fall. Harry stared out the door after her feeling what was left of his heart break again. He sat down quickly and put his head in his hands and sobbed.

Ron was livid as he paced through the kitchen. Hermione tried to calm him but with her own anger was having difficulty. Charlie looked worried at his abnormally quiet brother walking back and forth Ron had been pacing for the past hour ever since he found out where Ginny had went and why.

Molly was crying in fear of what was going to happen next. She knew Harry was going to be upset. Ginny would be inconsolable and Ron would be angry at His brother and now his sister.

"Charlie why would you tell Ginny to tell him she needed space? They weren't even together yet."

"She was hurting so bad over her anger. I don't want to see her hurting over him anymore." Charlie said defensively.

"Ron Do you think he'll run?" Hermione said quickly in a panicked voice.

"OH Bloody Hell. I hadn't even thought of that. We better get going." Ron said to Hermione as she jumped to her feet.

"What are you two talking about?" Charlie asked.

"Harry might run off. He has a tendency to run when he can't handle things in case you haven't noticed. I have to stop him. If he leaves now he may never come back." Ron said quickly hugging his mother and grabbing Hermione's hand. With a turn they arrived at the house and ran inside slightly shocked that the front door was left unlocked. They ran up the stairs and nearly knocked Mr. Weasely and Bill down at the door way of the parlor. They were looking at the black haired young man sobbing in the chair in front of the fireplace.

"He was fine when we left him for a moment to get some air." Bill said calmly. "I don't know why he's like that."

"Have either of you seen Ginny here?" Hermione asked panicking.

"No why would she be here?" Arthur asked worriedly.

"Charlie told her to come and be honest about how and why she is angry with Harry and tell him she needed space. She listened to his advice. We hurried over because He's gonna run." Ron said angrily.

"She came here to tell him that?" Bill asked in shock.

"Do you really think he will run?" Arthur asked.

"Yes We do. It's his way of handling things. When it gets hard for him he bolts until he can handle it." Hermione explained.

"Why don't you two go in and talk to him? I will head back to the burrow and see what I can find out about all this mess from the others." Bill suggested.

Ron and Hermione nodded as they walked into the room. The music had started again. Harry was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice they had joined them. He felt the seat next to him shift as Hermione sat down causing him to look up.

"OH Harry I'm so sorry. We didn't know she was going to do that." She said softly.

"I keep on thinking I finally got what I deserved. I hurt her. In countless ways I hurt her. I left her and didn't contact her then I tried to stop her from fighting. I could go on in the ways I hurt her but I don't think I really need to. I deserve this pain for causing her so much." Harry said emotionlessly.

"Mate just because you tried to protect her doesn't mean you deserve the pain. She will come around. She is just confused." Ron said.

"Harry Your not thinking of running are you?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Hermione I can't stay here. I can't. I can't go to the burrow. How will she have the space she needs if I'm always there. I can't stay here cause the memories of every one and her will haunt me. I don't have a choice." Harry said as tears welled in his eyes.

Ron started to object but was stopped by Hermione with a look. "Harry we understand. But will you at least keep in touch?" she said.

Harry thought for a while then answered. "Yes I will but I won't tell you where I'm at. Just send the owl back with your responses."

Ron nodded solemnly.

Bill went into the kitchen quickly. He didn't even hug his wife when she stood to greet him. His face was red with anger and confusion. No one spoke. They all waited for him to say a word. Ginny was sitting with tears flowing silently. Charlie wouldn't look anyone in the eye.

"I want to know what the hell has been going on at this house. And I want to know right now!" Bill said bitterly.

Molly thru her tears told him what had happened. Bill looked at his brother in shock. "I don't know what you were thinking for suggesting her telling him she needed space right now." Bill said to Charlie. "As for what is happening on our end. Harry is sober again but isn't saying much. Dad and I went out for some air finally. When we came back in he was staring into the fire and wasn't moving. Ron and Hermione came running up the stairs and almost knocked us over. They are now trying to convince him not to run. But I don't think they will. I'm sure he is going to run."

"From what? Me?" Ginny asked not really wanting the answer.

"Not only you Gin. He has a lot of memories he is trying to forget. Hence why he drunk himself stupid. He knows you want your space or at least you say you do so he knows he can't come here and see you everyday and if he stays in that house all the memories are going to haunt him every second. So that really doesn't leave much of a choice does it?" Bill answered as kindly as he could.

"Could you give a letter to your family for me Ron?" Harry asked "and one for your sister?"

"Sure Mate" Ron said swallowing the lump in his throat. He didn't want to say goodbye to his best friend even if it wasn't going to be for long. Harry got up and walked over to the desk and started to write the letters. Hermione sat next to Ron and put her head on his shoulder as tears started to fall.

Bill sat down and accepted the tea that his mum offered him. No one said anything after his little speech about why Harry would run. Molly hoped that he was wrong but she knew deep down that he was right. She felt like a piece of her already broken heart was breaking at the very thought.

Harry reread the letter to Ginny as he sat there. He didn't know where he was going to go. He knew he had to stop by Andromeda's just to let her know that he was leaving for a little while and that he would keep in touch. He just hoped she would understand. He appraised the letter again before he handed both to Ron. He hugged Hermione and Ron and reassured them that he would write.

Ron could see the pain in his best friends eyes. He knew that Harry had a long way to go. He didn't want Harry to leave but he understood his reasons all to well. With one last look behind him Harry strode out without any of his belongings. Hermione dissolved into tears as Ron led her to the couch. Arthur walked slowly into the room. He looked wildly around for Harry.

"He's gone Dad. He just left. He gave us these letters. One is to the whole family and one is just for Ginny." Ron said thru his own tears.

"Well no use sitting here let's go home." Arthur said choking on his own sobs. He led the quiet teens to the kitchen where they floo'd to the burrow. The three of them silently walked into the kitchen. The room turned to look at them. Without a word They sat down and poured themselves some tea.

"He left. He promised to write us. He also gave us these. This one is to the whole family and this one is to Ginny. He didn't think you'd read it Gin but he wanted to say goodbye in his own way I guess." Ron said handing the first one to his mother and the second one to Ginny. Molly dissolved into tears as she took the letter. She rocked back and forth causing most in the room to stare in disbelief. George got up and hugged his mother as tears fell from his eyes.

"Molly do you want to read the letter tonight?" Arthur asked kindly.

Molly only nodded. Arthur thought about taking the letter from her to read but thought that she might want to read it herself. Slowly she calmed down and after several deep breaths could start reading the letter.

"_Dear Weasely Family,_

_Since you are reading this by now I am gone. I wanted to say Goodbye and Thank you. I can't stay here. The memories in this house is still so strong that I can't bare to stay here any longer. I know that you would welcome me in your home but with the situation being what it is. I'm sure you all know by now but if not Ginny will have to explain more. All I can say about it is I would be doing no one any good being there. For reasons that she knows and you most likely have found out."_

No one spoke or looked at Ginny but they all knew she was starting to cry. Molly took a sip of tea and then continued.

"_Bill thank you for being there for me and helping your dad and Charlie sober me up. Take Care of the family but make sure that you take care of yourself. Oh and lean on your dad a bit. He's a lot stronger than you give him credit for. Fleur all I can say is watch over Bill. I think you are about the only person who can take him out of Big Brother mode."_

Bill looked up and nodded. He knew he had a tendency to go into big brother mode and not think of himself.

"_Charlie although I know you least I still think of you like a brother. Help Bill watch over every one. Percy, Take care of your self. Don't blame yourself anymore. I know that is rich coming from me but honestly Fred forgave you. Forgive yourself."_

"_George keep your chin up and your holey status going. Make them laugh if not for yourself for Fred's memory. He would want laugher to be heard again., Ron, You have been my best Mate for what seems forever. And my brother for most of it. I don't know if I ever told you how much your loyalty and friendship has meant to me. Leaving you behind now is almost unbearable but right now your family will need you more. Hermione I placed you with the Weasely's because Hell we all know you will be one someday as soon as Ron stops being so thick. You're as close to me as a sister I never had. Now a quick note to you Ron and you Hermione Watch over Ginny for me. Just make sure she is happy."_

Molly sat there for several minutes before going on.

"_Molly and Arthur, I hope you don't mind me using your first name. If you would have told me seven years ago that I would meet a couple that would be like the parents I never knew I would have told you that you were crazy. But that is exactly what happened. I just want you to know that I love you both and Thank you for always taking me in and believing in me when no one else would. Thank you for loving me even though I don't deserve it. "_

"_I just wanted you all to know that I love you all. Leaving is hard to do and I don't know where I'm going. But I promise I will write. I won't tell you where I'm going or where I am. But the owl will wait for your response. Please take care of each other and try not to worry to much about me._

_Love,_

_Harry"_

No one spoke as they took in the letter. Ginny slowly slipped out of the room and went to her own room where she sat on her bed. Slowly with shaking hands she opened her letter. Tears streamed as she read it.

_Ginny,_

_I know you want your space but I couldn't leave without saying Good bye this time. I've done that too many times. It's not your fault that I have left. I can't stay here and as you know the burrow would be to difficult for both of us. _

_I know there is so much that I needed to tell you and so much that I should have shared with you. I guess some would call it foolish pride. But for me it's not about pride. God this is so hard to do. I am really rubbish at feelings. I guess there is nothing to do but spill it here. All my life growing up I was taught that I was worthless and that my feelings didn't matter. So I built a wall around myself and tried desperately to keep everyone out. You see if I never let anyone in I would never be hurt by them. But somehow you and your family and Hermione (Can't forget her) managed to start weakening my walls._

_Then the battle happened. I still have nightmares about it. I don't think I will ever get away from them. I don't understand when I became so weak. You deserve so much better. I know you need your space and I am going to give you it. I've been selfish and leaning on you way to much. I know that you still say that you love me but I know that I'm suffocating you. It's time that I stop being selfish and give you what you need. Ginny I love you enough to let you go. As much as it's killing me to do so I know me leaving is the best for you. _

_As hard as it is for me to do knowing that you have been my reason to go on I will continue to try. I don't know what to do with my self anymore. It's like I'm in a constant nightmare. But I know this won't always be this hard. I just thought that I wouldn't be well never mind what I thought it doesn't really matter. I know that regardless of what I may wish for or want I can't be selfish anymore. _

_Gin I want you to be happy and if you can't be happy with me then you should go find someone who will make you happy. Please take care of yourself. I just want you to know I'll always love you. But if it has to be this way then it must. I don't know where I'm going or when or even if I will return. But like I promised I'll write your family. And I will only write you if you send me a note. Don't worry about me. I'll be ok. Well I best be going. Take Care._

_Love, _

_Harry_

Ginny threw herself on her bed and sobbed uncontrollably not even noticing Hermione who had entered. Hermione sat on the edge of Ginny's bed and took the letter from her. She put it on the dresser and rubbed Ginny's back.

"He loves me and I did this to him." She cried. Hermione pulled her friend into an embrace as she cried. "Read this Just read this." handing the letter to her friend.

Hermione quickly read the letter that was full of everything that Harry had he been here would never have been able to say.

"Ginny He loves you and when you are ready he will come back. I know he will." Hermione said. "Do you want me to stay with you for a little while or would you rather be alone?"

"I would like to be alone. Hermione how is Mum?"

" I won't lie to you. She is taking this really hard. Your dad took her up to there room a few minutes ago. She's not angry. She is just worried." Hermione said as she slipped out. Ginny cried herself to sleep that night. Molly looked in later that night and sighed as she saw the tear tracks on her sleeping daughters face. As she turned around she noticed a parchment on the floor and picking it up recognized Harry's script. She knew she shouldn't read it but She just wanted to know why Harry would leave.

After reading it she set it on the dresser and slipped out with tears falling. She wished that she could take the pain away from her daughter and the man who obviously loved her. Maybe someday she could do something but for now all she could do was wait.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Harry quickly arrived on Andromeda's doorstep. He quickly knocked on the door. He was nervous about telling her that he was leaving but he knew what he had to do. Slowly the door opened.

"OH Harry I wasn't expecting you."

"I'm sorry to just drop by Andromeda but I needed to let you know something."

"Well come on in I'll get you some tea." She said leading him into her small kitchen. "Teddy is upstairs already asleep."

"Oh that is ok I really just need to speak with you."

Andromeda poured the tea and came with two cups to the table. After seeing Harry safely had his tea she sat down.

"Now Harry what do you need to speak with me about."

"I am leaving the Weasely's for a while. For personal reasons I would rather not discuss right now. But I was wondering if it would be ok if I came over at least once a week to see Teddy?"

"Of course that would be fine. Do you know where you are going?"

"I'm going to go see my Aunt and Uncle if they are safe and then maybe go to Hogwarts and see if I can help there. Please don't tell Molly or Arthur where I am. I don't want them trying to convince me to come back. I just can't right now."

"You have my word Harry. I can assume you will write me."

"Of course. I have a godson to keep in contact with. Well I hate to run but I need to talk to Kingsley about my Aunt and Uncle." He said as he stood up.

Andromeda tried to pretend she didn't see the pain in his eyes as he stood to leave. "Harry why don't we call him by floo to see if you can go that way straight to his office."

"If that isn't too much trouble."

"Not at all." Andromeda quickly walked to the fireplace and placed the call. Once she was connected and speaking to Kingsley she switched with Harry and He asked if he could come in to the office. Kingsley agreed right away. Soon a very nervous Harry was sitting in the minister of magic's office.

"Harry what did you need to speak with me about?"

"I was wandering where my Aunt and family are?"

"They have been returned to there home in little whinging. Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking of going to see them. Just to see that they were ok."

Kingsley nodded. "So Harry what are your plans for the future?"

"Kingsley I don't know really. I haven't really thought about it. I don't know what all my options are."

"Well you know that you could become an Auror after finishing your schooling. Yes we have decided to open Hogwarts up to all students that were not able to complete their seventh year."

"I think I would like to go back to school as for being an auror I don't know. Could I go to school and think about and let you know?"

"Of course." after a few minutes of idle chitchat Harry decided to head out to see his Aunt. After leaving the ministry he Apperated to a park in this aunts hometown. Slowly he headed down privet drive until he reached number four. He was nervous as he knocked on the door. He could hear movement on the inside as he shifted on his feet. Slowly the door opened to the house. Peering out at Harry was his Uncle Vernon. He didn't glare at the young man as he had expected.

"Harry what are you doing here?" The startled man asked.

"UM I just came to see that you all were ok."

"Well come on inside." Vernon said leading the way. "PETUNIA"

Harry sat down in the living room as his aunt rushed into the room. Petunia stopped dead in her tracks at seeing her nephew. Absent from their eyes was the pure loathing that once had been the constant expression they wore.

"Harry, What are you doing here?" she asked with a shaky voice.

"I wanted to see that you all are ok." he said quickly.

"We are all just fine. How are you?" his aunt asked as she sat down.

"I'm ok. It's been a long few months. I'm just glad it's all over."

"Is all your friends ok?" Petunia asked.

Harry looked away trying to control his emotions. Then looking back at his Aunt he answered. "No, My best mate Ron well his brother Fred died in the battle. Remus Lupin my parents friend and his wife Tonks died leaving their baby boy an orphan. I'm his God father." he continued to name all the people who had died in the battle.

"Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. You have lost so much."

Harry looked at her a bit shocked. "I'm sorry I don't want to be rude but I have to know. Why don't you seem to hate me anymore?"

"Harry I never hated you. I was jealous of your mother and by extension you. I wanted to special like Lily. While we were in hiding this past year we watched our guard and their reactions to news. We watched as they too mourned friends and fought when necessary. While doing this we started to realize that Wizards and Witches were just like us. They just had special skills we don't. We realized that we hadn't been very fair to you when you were growing up. I promised my self that if I ever got back and if we ever saw you again we would do all we could to make it up to you. If you would let us that is. We have no right to ask anything of you. You have done enough for us for just saving us despite how we treated you. I hope that someday you will forgive us for our past."

"Aunt Petunia, one thing I've learned is that it takes a big person to apologize. I do forgive you but it will take a lot of work on all of our parts to build a trusting family relationship. I'm not really ready to put my whole self into this. But maybe we could take small steps."

"Harry we can accept anything you can give us at this point and forever if need be." Vernon said. After several hours of civil conversation Harry left to go to Hogwarts. As he arrived he noticed many workers surrounding the building He took a long deep breath and headed towards the frazzled headmistress.

"Professor How can I help?"

"Oh Mr. Potter. You don't need to help. You have done quite enough for all of us."

"Professor I just want to help. I need to do something keep my mind occupied."

"Ok You can help starting tomorrow. It's getting late you may go ahead to the great hall where we will be having dinner soon. Tonight you may stay with Hagrid. The tower just isn't up to having occupants yet."

"Thank you Professor."

Harry quickly walked into the school and entered the great hall. Memories surrounded him like a old coat that he couldn't shrug off. Tears started falling as he thought of the battle and then of Ginny. He barely got control over himself as the workers and remaining professors joined him. They all sat at the Gryffindor table and ate silently. Hagrid clapped Harry on his back as he led him to the hut that he called home.

" 'arry you sleep on the bed. I'll make due over here."

Harry didn't have the strength to argue so after changing into something fit to sleep in he fell asleep. As he slept the dreams hit him again. He tried to wake himself up from them but found himself unable to do anything.

Hagrid had fallen asleep sitting in his comfortable chair by the fire. He had watched Harry sleep for as long as he could. Suddenly he was woken by a scream. His eyes shot open and he nearly fell out of his seat. He searched the room to find the source. As he eyed the bed Harry screamed out again. Hagrid jumped out of his seat and rushed to Harry gathering the trouble young man in his huge arms rocking him and speaking soothingly.

Minerva McGonagall was walking the grounds when she heard a horrible sound coming from inside Hagrid's hut. She rushed to the hut and knocked on the door. When no one answered she decided that she had to enter to find out what was wrong. She walked in a stumbled a bit as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. She looked around the room until her eyes feel on Hagrid holding and rocking the screaming Harry. She hurried over and instructed Hagrid to put Harry on the bed. As Hagrid did that she sat beside him and put her arms around him and just hugged him and hummed an old Scottish lullaby to him. Slowly Harry fell into a silent slumber.

Hagrid led the headmistress outside where they could talk without disturb Harry.

"Hagrid when did the nightmares start?"

"Not long after he fell asleep. I tried to help him but I didn't know how. It was the most pitiful sound."

"We shall have to watch him very carefully. I'm sure he isn't taking care of himself. Now why don't you go on to bed." McGonagall said sadly.

"Good night professor."

Harry woke before Hagrid the next morning and after leaving a short note he headed to the great hall. Professor McGonagall was there organizing the work crew as he walked in. She looked up and nodded to him. She noticed the bags under his eyes had deepened. She quickly finished her meeting and walked towards Harry.

"Mr. Potter just help out where ever you are needed. And don't forget to come in for lunch." She said sternly. Harry nodded and hurried off. He found a group trying to fix the third floor corridor and started helping as much as he could. He worked all day long only taking a break for lunch where he barely touched his food. He started working again after and worked until early evening. After taking a quick shower he hurried off to Hogsmeade where he apperated to Andromeda's to visit with Teddy. After returning he would write a letter to Ron, Hermione and then one to the Weasely family. He waited every morning hoping for a letter from Ginny but it never came.

That seemed to be his routine for the next three weeks. It was a week before his 18th birthday. He was working once again at Hogwarts as Minerva quietly left the school for the burrow. She knew that Harry hadn't wanted the Weasely's to know where he was but after weeks of watching him waste away she couldn't say nothing any longer.

It seemed that Andromeda had the same idea as Minerva that morning. As she popped just outside the burrow she was startled to find the headmistress standing just in front of her.

"Minerva, How nice to see you again." Andromeda said shifting the baby to her hip.

"Yes, Are you here for a social call?" Minerva asked kindly wondering if she should come back again.

"No not really. I know they are close to Harry and I'm worried about him" She answered.

"As am I. He is wasting away before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do." Minerva said as they approached the door. She reached up and knocked softly. Minutes later Molly opened the door and greeted her guests. She ushered the two in for some tea and served it quickly.

Arthur walked into the room surprised to see the two women there greeted them kindly before joining them.

"I suppose you are wondering why I have taken leave of the school when so much work is left to do. I wanted to speak to you about Harry." Minerva said softly. As she started to continue Ron, Hermione and Ginny who as of late had started hanging out with them more often entered the kitchen. Upon seeing the headmistress they started to turn back when Molly stopped them.

"Dears why don't you join us for some tea. The headmistress and Andromeda are here to discuss their concern about Harry and as you as well as the rest of us have been receiving letters from him perhaps he told you something that we have not known." Molly said.

The three sat down accepting tea from Molly and listened as Minerva started. Ginny looked decidedly uncomfortable. The family all knew that she had broke up with him but they didn't know if he had told anyone else. Her heart still ached when she thought of Harry but she felt that this was the right thing for her and for Harry. Hopefully he would see it eventually.

"Harry arrived at Hogwarts just over three weeks ago asking to help repair the school. He claimed it would keep his mind off of things. He has been staying with Hagrid. The first night was horrible. He had the most horrible nightmare. Of course when asked about it he refused to talk about it. I had been walking the grounds when I heard the screams from the hut and went to investigate. It took me and Hagrid an hour to calm him enough to sleep. That was the only time I witnessed that but Hagrid told me that it happens every night." Minerva said sadly.

"their back." Molly said sounding defeated.

"You mean he has had them before to this degree. I thought you said that they had gotten better."

"For a short time yes they had gotten much better." Arthur said.

"I am worried not only about his dreams but the fact that he has huge bags under his eyes and he has grown so pale and thin. I know he is weak right now but he keeps forcing himself to work harder than everyone. I've tried talking to him but he just changes the subject. I've asked about whether he has spoken or seen you but he evades that as well. I'm at my wits end."

"I have noticed much the same when he visits me and Teddy. He puts a smile on his face but I can tell it's forced. He loves Teddy that much is absolutely certain but my worry is he is giving everything and not keeping any of it to heal his own pain. I don't want to talk to him about it for fear he may run and stop seeing Teddy." Andromeda said sadly.

"He comes to see Teddy?" Ron said in shock.

"Yes every night. Then he rushes off to write letters."

"Yes we receive one weekly." Molly said.

"Has he ever said anything about what he is doing to heal himself?" Minerva asked.

"He just says he's fine and that rubbish. I guess we knew it wasn't true but we wanted to believe it." Hermione said as a tear trailed down her face. They all sat their in silence digesting every word that had been spoken.

Harry left Hogwarts early that day. He decided to head on down to diagon alley to Gringotts. He slowly made his way past several busy shops. No one seemed to recognized the now very thin young man as he made his way to the entrance of the bank.

He was surprised to have no trouble going to his vault and withdrawing money from it. After several minutes he extracted a fair amount for things he needed. After reaching the lobby he was quickly stopped by an elderly looking goblin.

"Mr. Potter, if we might have a few moments of your time there are some things we need to get worked through. If you will follow me this way to my office." the old voice said as if daring Harry to refuse.

Harry followed silently and took the proffered seat. He was nervous about this as he did break into the bank just a few months ago.

"Now the bank does not usually do this but we have decided to forgive the break in from a few months back as long as you and your friends never try something like that again."

"Sir I can honestly say that I will never do such a horrible thing again. Had it not been for circumstances out of my control it would not have happened in the first place." Harry said confidently.

"Thank you Mr. Potter. Now for the reason that you have been called into this meeting. It seems after looking at your record that you have some inheritance that has not passed to you as yet. Since you were unavailable after your seventeenth birthday Gringotts has been caring for all of your assets. Now here is your first inheritance." The Goblin said passing Harry a piece of parchment. Then without allowing Harry to read it he went on to describe what it said

"You are the sole heir to the Potter Fortune. That includes Potter Manor just outside of St.Ottery-Catchpole, a cottage in Godrics Hollow, and a beach house in the Caribbean. And a building in Diagon Alley that is rented by a George and Fred Weasely. As well as your parents Vault, your vault and all of their belongings. Do you have any questions?"

"No sir"

"Good Good, Now for your second Inheritance." The Goblin said handing the second parchment to him.

"You are also the sole heir to the Black Family Fortune. You are now head of both the Potter and the Black Families. You have inherited the house in London and a cottage in whales as well as a summer house in Ireland. As well as all Black Family Vaults."

"Do you have any questions about that?"

"no Sir" A shocked Harry said.

Now for your third inheritance You have received from Remus and Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin a small cottage near Godrics Hollow and have been named God father to their infant son. You have one last inheritance. From Severus Snape you have inherited the house in Spinners End. And he has left you his vault as he has no family to pass it down too."

"Any Questions?"

"Why would Snape leave me anything?"

"Ah very interesting question. It would seem he is doing it in honor of your mother. Does that answer your question satisfactorily."

"Yes sir. Is there anything else about these inheritances I should know?"

"Oh Yes You have a large share of stock in several companies Muggle and Magical. You own a third of the shares to the Firebolt company, as well as the daily prophet, Weasely Wizarding Wheezes, and Flourish and Blotts. You also as head of the Black house have control over what happens to the Malfoy's. As it is in the marriage agreement with the Malfoys written up years ago it gave the Blacks control over their finances in case of arrest or death of the Malfoy head of house. With Lucius in custody and most likely going to Azkaban it falls upon you."

"What if he doesn't go to Azkaban?"

"You still have control as another stipulation that if the Malfoy heir falls into disgrace the Black family head will take over control. You have also received the money from the Lestrange Vaults as a penalty for their disgrace as per their marriage agreement."

"I'm not sure what to do about all of that. Do you have any ideas?"

"We could take control of those accounts for you to oversee them while you decide the best course of action."

"Yes that would be fine. But do make sure that Narcissa and Draco who was released are taken care of. I do not want to treat them badly."

"Of course. Now would you like a print out of your monetary worth as well as your property worth?"

"Yes please."

"Very well while the calculations are being made I need you to sign this to show that you understand what we have went over and that you accept them." the Goblin said handing the parchment and quill. Harry quickly read over it and then signed.

Soon another Goblin entered with two parchments. The old withered Goblin took the parchments and dismissed the other with a wave of his feeble hand. "Here we are if you look at this piece of parchment you will see that you are worth 51,525,500,000 galleons 1500 Sickles and 500 knuts. And it grows by the day with interest. If you would like we could send you a summary of your accounts daily or weekly or monthly. It really is however you prefer it."

"I do believe monthly will suffice for now."

"Now this second is your property worth. Meaning how much your land is worth. As it says you are worth 5,654,850 galleons."

Harry gulped he had never dreamed that he could have this much money in his lifetime. He knew what he wanted to do if it was possible.

"Would it be possible to transfer some money into other peoples accounts?"

"Yes if you were so inclined. Do you have any transactions you would like to make?"

"Yes sir I would like to Transfer 25,000,000 Galleons into Arthur and Molly Weasely's Vault, 10,000,000 into each Bill and Fleurs joint account, Charlie Weasely, Percy Weasely, George Weasely, Ron Weasely, Hermione Granger, and Ginny Weasely, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood. I would also like to transfer 20,000,000 to Andromeda Tonks and 10,000,000 to Minerva McGonagall. 10,000,000 to Rubeus Hagrid as well. I would also like to start a trust for Teddy Lupin if one has not been started with 5,000,000 in it. I would also like all his tuition for seven years at Hogwarts to be paid for in full. I would also like to sign the deed of the building in Diagon Alley to George Weasely."

"Yes I'll have the paperwork done in just a moment here." the goblin said as he pulled a parchment from his briefcase. "now if you will just read over this and then sign and date it at the bottom saying that you have authorized all of these transactions."

Harry did so quickly. After saying that the bank would oversee his accounts and send him the balances he bade his farewell shaking the goblins hand. After picking up a new model Firebolt he apperated back to Hogsmeade and then walked back to the school.

Arthur sat thinking for a few minutes before speaking. "It is obvious that Harry is not doing well on his own. I had thought that some time to heal on his own would help him but obviously he is doing worse. Maybe I should have a talk with him and try to convince him to come back with me."

"Arthur All you can do is try. Maybe the family could also write him to tell him how much you all want him to return and how much you care. I'm sure he knows but it never hurts to hear it." Minerva said with Andromeda nodding in approval.

As they continued to talk a large group of Owls started tapping on their window. Arthur quickly opened the window and allowed the birds to fly to the person they had to deliver too. After delivering the letters they took a quick drink and flew back out of the window. Molly motioned over to Arthur to join her at the table. Quickly he took a seat beside her as she read aloud. " Dear Mr. and Mrs. Weasely, Your account here at Gringotts has been credited by a Mr. Harry James Potter in the amount of 25,000,000 Galleons. They can not be transferred back. If you need any assistance in investing any of this money please contact us. Thank you."

"Arthur He gave us money. Why? How?" Molly stuttered.

"Molly I think he wants to repay us for taking care of him all those times. Words for him just isn't enough and he never had anything before that he could give to adequately say what he felt." Arthur said.

"Mum, Dad He gave me 10,000,000 Galleons." Ron said blushing brilliantly.

"Me too." Hermione said.

Ginny was afraid to open her letter. It too looked like it was from Gringotts. Slowly she opened it and read the letter. As she read the letter tears fell from her eyes. Hermione seeing her friend tear up turned to her and hugged the girl tight.

"He gave me 10,000,000. Even after I hurt him so he gave me something." Ginny said thru the tears. Minerva and Andromeda just shared a confused look but before they could voice the question pops around the burrow could be heard. People rushed in from outside. Bill and Fleur followed by Charlie entered quickly flush from running. George entered behind them grasping the deed and the letter. Percy calmly as ever entered last.

"Mum we received letters from Gringotts." Bill and Charlie said.

"Me too." George piped in.

"I as well received one." Percy said in a dignified voice.

"Every one here did as well." Arthur announced.

"what did yours say?" Ron asked his brother's impatiently.

"Harry gave us each 10,000,000" said Bill, Charlie and Percy at the same time. Causing the room to snicker a bit.

"He gave me 10,000,000 and the deed to the building I'm renting. I own the building now." George said quietly.

"Mum, Dad what did your letter say?" Bill asked.

"Harry gave us 25,000,000 Galleons." Molly said as tears fell from her eyes.

In all of the excitement Minerva and Andromeda had forgotten all about their letters. Slowly they opened theirs. At the sound of two gasping women the family turned to them.

"He gave me 10,000,000 Galleons." Minerva said awestruck.

"Oh my Oh my. How generous. He gave me 20,000,000 galleons not to mention the 5,000,000 trust fund for Teddy or the seven years of tuition he has paid for Teddy to attend Hogwarts." Andromeda said as she started to weep then panic struck her "Arthur you must go talk to Harry right away. If he is giving all of this away he could be planning another attempt."

Arthur jumped up and kissed his wife and was gone. The rest of the family who hadn't been there for the conversation before looked dumbfounded at their mother.

"Well you lot all sit down we need to fill you in on what is going on as well." Molly said pouring more tea out. As they sat down she continued "Harry isn't doing well. Not that he was doing well to begin with but his condition according to Minerva and Andromeda has deteriated."

Minerva jumped in when Molly no longer could force herself to continue.

"He hasn't been eating at all. He tries to make it look like he has but we know he isn't. He has grown quite thin and then above that he forces himself to work on the repairs with no nourishment to keep him going. Then he has been suffering from nightmares at least once a night. Poor Hagrid hasn't had a decent night sleep in three weeks not that he ever complains mind you." Minerva said shaking her bowed head slightly.

"Should we go help Dad?" Bill asked.

"Let's let your father try and see what he can do." Molly said distantly.

Harry walked around the grounds aimlessly before finding his favorite spot in front of the lake. As he sat he thought about all the loss he had faced. His parents vaguely flashed before him as it moved on to Cedric Diggory. The pain was light but was still there. Sirius and Lupin laughing filled his mind and he could find himself laughing slightly with them over memories of old pranks. Dumbledore and his ever glistening eyes passed over his memories followed by Snapes rescue of him in his first year. Slowly each of his losses came back to him but the pain was less than he would have expected. Then he saw Ginny's face as she broke it off with hi permanently. Pain hit him like he was struck with a bludger. As the happy memories went by in his mind distorted by the pain he now felt ripped at his heart his tears started falling uncontrollably down his face. His cries of anguish bounced off the quiet lake he sat by.

Arthur startled by the sound of the young man in front of him nearly tripped over the root of the tree he was standing by. He waited for a minute until he could here Harry merely sobbing to move towards him.

"Harry, It's ok" He said as he put his arms around the young man. Harry sat there not responding to the touch of the father figure he loved. "Cry it all out Harry"

"I love her Mr. Weasely. I don't know how to live without her." Harry cried out. "I thought if I just stayed busy enough I wouldn't hurt as much. But it didn't work. I can't stop the memories."

"Oh Harry I know it hurts. Please let us help you. Come home with me. You may stay in Ron's room if you need too. But you can't stay here in solitude. Yes I know that the headmistress and Hagrid and a number of other people are here but You aren't talking to them. Ron and Hermione can listen."

Harry nodded allowing Arthur to help him up and lead him towards the gate. His tears never subsided in fact they only got worse as he went. With a pop they reappeared at the burrow. Arthur led him silently towards the back door stopping just short of the door. He waited for a moment hoping the tears would subside but he soon realized that it was a false hope. He opened the door with his free hand always keeping one hand on Harry as they entered.

The family gasped as they caught sight of a much thinner and older looking Harry. Molly got up immediately and hugged Harry with a bone crushing hug and was shocked when for once the boy didn't return it. It was almost as if a part of him had died. Looking into his eyes she could see a far away look in his eyes. Barely managing to hold back her own tears she led him to a chair and preceded to make a sandwich for him. The weasely brothers stared at Harry in disbelief. They knew that he loved their sister but had no idea that he would react this way to her breaking up with him. Charlie shifted guiltily in his chair. He caught Ginny's eye who was looking nearly as guilty at him.

"Ginny please don't feel guilty about me. I want you to be happy. That is all I'll ever want for you. And if you need space to be happy then so be it. I'm fine." Harry said looking into her eyes. She could not escape from seeing the haunted look that was back in his eyes but said nothing about it. She knew he wasn't fine. As did the rest of the family as the professor and Andromeda knew as well. But no one said anything.

Molly served Harry a sandwich and offered one to the rest of them but no one else accepted. Harry tried to eat it but barely managed to take a bite before pushing it away. He muttered that he was sorry as he stood up and rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Ron's room. As he left Hermione lost her battles with her tears turning into Ron's shoulder she started sobbing into his shoulder. Ginny sat their with shocked tears rolling down her cheek. She never expected Harry to look or talk to her like that after what she did. He spoke to her with such kindness.

"Arthur where did you find him?" Minerva asked.

"Sitting by the lake by an old tree. He was just sobbing and screaming. He didn't even acknowledge me when I put my arms around him. But he spoke to me. And I'll never forget the lost sound in his voice or the hopelessness in his eyes." Arthur said.

"Did he say anything about those that died? Is he still upset by that?" Minerva asked.

"No not one word about them. It seems it's much more personal. He didn't mention any names but I could tell who he was talking about." He said. As he spoke Ginny jumped up unable to stand to sit there any longer and ran up to her room. They all heard the door slam shut before Arthur spoke again.

"Molly I'm afraid that He is dying of a broken heart. He loves Ginny so much. He told me outright he loved her. What 's worse he doesn't know how to live without her. I know from what Minerva said he was right about working so hard. The reason he threw himself into it so hard was that he wanted to forget and he seemed to think that if he worked hard enough and long enough he would be to tired to remember, to feel or even to love her. But it doesn't work that way as he found out."

"Dad he couldn't have thought that they could just take up where they left off before he up and left? I mean he hurt her bad when he did that." Bill asked. Arthur opened his mouth to speak but Ron cut him off with as much anger as he could muster thru his pain.

"Harry never thought that. But he had hoped that they would have gotten back together. But he never expected that she would tell him over and over that she loved him and then break up with him permanently. She rejected him and of course he's hurt."

"I don't understand why don't he just understand and let her go." Bill said angrily himself.

"Of course you don't understand Bill you haven't been rejected. You have always had people who accepted you for who you was. Harry has never had that until we met him. Then there was Ginny. He fell in love with her in sixth year. She told him she loved him for the first time in his life. And for the first time he told some one that he loved them. Did you know he never told anyone before that he loved them? Not even Hermione or me. We know he does but it's not anything that he ever says. I guess He is afraid of the rejection. Well for once he felt totally accepted. This past year has been hell for him as much as it had been for her. She was the only reason he didn't just give up."

"But you don't seem to understand. He's given up on her as much as it hurts. He loves her enough that he's let her go. It's killing him to do it. Slowly and painfully it's like he has lost the last thread of hope. Did you see his eyes? There empty now. He has given up on living it is as if everything that was holding him here is gone. Andromeda I'm sorry but I don't think that even Teddy will help him out of it. But please keep trying. Don't stop allowing Teddy to see Harry. It may be the only thing that will keep him going until we can figure out what to do." Hermione finished for Ron.

"I would never do that. I understand the depression Harry is feeling. I felt it after Ted died. For weeks I felt like Harry like their was no point in going on. So if you don't mind Molly I will bring Teddy over twice or more times a week."

"Of course we don't mind. When you come you are more than welcome to stay for dinner."

"Thank you I might take you up on that offer."

Bill broke from his reverie looking at his younger brother who was obviously hurting for his best mate. "Ron is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't know. I don't know if there is anything I can do for him."

Harry laid on the cot that the Weasely's had left out for him to use. He stared at the wall by the bed. His heart throbbed as he remembered her face downstairs. He tried not to think of it but it wouldn't leave him alone.

Ginny sat on her bed rocking back and forth on her bed. She tried to overcome the guilt she felt. But she failed miserably. The pain in his eyes tore her in two. Part of her wanted to rush up the stairs and throw her arms around him but the other part of her was telling her that what was done was done and it was for the best. But the best for who she couldn't figure out.

Hermione slowly slipped out of the kitchen and went up the stairs. She wanted to check on Ginny but she thought against it thinking Ginny would much rather be alone. She walked past Ginny's door and kept going up the next flight of steps and slowly opened Ron's door. Harry was still lying on the bed facing the wall with shaking shoulders. Slowly she walked towards him and sat down on the bed next to him without saying a word. As he sobbed she rubbed his back.

Charlie couldn't take the heat in the house anymore. He looked at Bill and motioned towards the door. Bill nodded and followed him out the door. Fleur took the opportunity and went upstairs and joined Hermione in soothing Harry. George and Percy decided to go with their brothers outside. As they approached the older boys they could hear Charlie talking in a hoarse voice.

"Bill it's my fault. I told Ginny to go break it off with Harry." Charlie said.

"Charlie you may have suggested it but it was her decision. You can't control everything just like Harry can't save every one."

"I know but I still feel like Shite about it." Charlie said turning around as he heard George and Percy walking up.

"I know you feel like it's your fault but right now we all need to focus on keeping him alive until Ginny comes to her senses and loses the only man she has ever loved." Percy said wisely.

"That is going to be a chore isn't it?"

"Yep and knowing Harry he won't make it any easier." George added.

Fleur sat on Ron's bed watching Hermione soothe Harry. She slowly decided to make some broth for Harry. They had to make him eat a little. She eased herself out of the room and went to the kitchen where Molly and Arthur were still talking to Minerva and Andromeda. She silently made the broth and then carried it up to Ron's room. Harry was still facing the wall when she entered and for the first time she broke the silence.

"'Arry please turn over on your back." She asked kindly. Slowly he complied and Hermione went about shuffling his pillows so he could sit up. He had become quite weak. Harry leaned heavily on the pillows behind him.

"'arry you need to eet thes zoup." Fleur said slowly scooping a little broth into the spoon.

Harry thought about turning it down but thought that it would hurt them if he did. Slowly they fed Him the soup until he couldn't eat anymore. He had only managed a few bites but it was more than he'd had in days. Fleur smiled at him as she stood up and left the room. Hermione sat by the cot and just held his hand.

Fleur reentered the kitchen and smiled at her in laws.

""e has ate zome broth. Not much but at least he ate."

"That is a relief. Is someone with him now?"

"Hermione is. But I'm sure she will want to check up with Ginny."

Ron was sitting near his favorite tree out side. Tears streamed down his face at the thought of losing his best mate. Part of him was angry with Ginny for hurting Harry and a part of him was just angry that this was happening at all. Harry had been thru so much already. He looked up towards his bed room window and could see a shadow. "It must be Hermione" He thought to himself. There was a time that he would have been jealous of Harry and Hermione thinking that they were up to something But over the last year he had grown up and realized that he was just being insecure. Hermione thought of Harry as a brother and nothing more. He relaxed a bit at the thought that Harry was not alone.

Hermione slipped out with Fleur just after Harry fell asleep. She didn't think he would sleep thru the night but hopefully for several hours. She asked Fleur that if she saw Ron to tell him she would be out to talk to him in a bit. She wanted to check on Ginny. As she entered the room she shared with Ginny when she was there she spotted the younger girl sitting on her bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. She had most definitely been crying. Ginny looked up at Hermione.

"How is he?"

"He's sleeping. He ate some broth but I don't know how he kept it down. Ginny I won't lie to you He's not well. You can feel every rib and I'm sure if he didn't have his shirt on you could see every bone. I'm not trying to make you feel bad at all. But you deserve to know the truth."

"The battle did this to him?" Ginny asked hoping that was the truth.

"Ginny not this time. He loves you so much. More than he loves himself. But you said you needed space and that you didn't know whether their was a future for the two of you. For him that was his breaking point. Every one has that. For him it was losing the one hope he ever held on to. You see He went off fighting it wasn't for the wizarding world. It was for you. Every scar every step was for you. He just wanted to make the world safe for you."

"I know that is what he told me but Hermione he couldn't think that we could just start where we left off?"

"Ginny Are you daft? Because I seriously think you are. He didn't even think there was a chance of you two being together at all. He never dared to hope. But he came back not totally unharmed as we had hoped but he did. And you told him you loved him. He knew he loved you and the thought that you could still love him and perhaps with time want a future with him kept him going thru all the pain and the guilt. But when you ripped that away from him three weeks ago He lost that hope. I don't think he has the will to live anymore."

"Hermione I am so confused. I was so angry at him and I didn't want to take it out on him. I just needed some alone time. He depended on me so much."

"And you didn't think that you could talk to him about it without breaking up with him completely. You could have had a girls night out. You could have stayed at Bill and Fleurs for the weekend. And explained to Harry that you just needed some time to yourself. You just don't get it. You don't get what it's like for some one who has never been told that they love you to suddenly be told that they are loved by some one who they love and would die for if necessary."

"You don't understand Hermione."

"I understand a lot of things Ginny. I understand that my brother or as close to one as I can have is upstairs slowly killing himself so that he can give you the space you want. I understand that the rest of your family is broken hearted watching Harry die in front of them and not being able to stop it. I understand that you needed space Ginny but you could have done it differently. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go check on Ron he looked like he was going to break soon."

Hermione stormed angrily out of the room as Ginny stared open mouthed at the retreating form. She hadn't even stopped to think about what Hermione was saying. She really didn't talk to Harry she just broke up with him without thinking it through. Was there anything she could do? As she was lost in thought she heard a anguished scream from upstairs. Not even thinking she rushed out the door and ran up the stairs. She quickly opened the door and hurried insight.

Harry was lying on the cot his shirt ripped open and some bleeding coming from an old wound.

"NO please don't leave me. Ginny no." Harry screamed in his sleep.

Ginny rushed over tears in her eyes "Hush Harry I'm right here." She said putting her small hand into his. And then rubbing his arm with the other. Harry slowly started calming down. His cries softened to a whimper now and then.

"Harry wake up" She said calmly. Harry's eyes fluttered open to see Ginny sitting there looking down into his eyes. She tried to keep him from hearing the slight gasp she made at the sight of the lack of life in the green eyes she loved so much. Harry struggled to get up as Ginny stepped back giving him room to stand up shakily. Slowly he took a step. He didn't want to ask her to help but he didn't have much choice.

"Ginny could you just help me downstairs? I really need to talk to your parents." he asked guiltily.

"Sure Harry." Ginny said. She was happy that he would ask her for anything. Slowly they made their way down the stairs. As they entered the kitchen Minerva looked up and quickly moved to a different seat as she was sitting nearest the door. Slowly Ginny got him into the chair. Harry looked her in the eye and said Thank you to her then turned to look at her parents. George had returned to the kitchen and was sitting having some more tea.

"I'm sure you all know where I've been now. Professor, Andromeda don't worry I'm not angry I know you both have been worried about me. But there is more to it that I need to let you know about." Harry said confidently.

"Harry what ever it is it's fine." Molly said quietly.

"I just wanted to let you all know that I'm leaving again." Harry said noticing the panic look on their faces spoke again. "Not forever. I have some business I have to take care of. While I was gone I decided that I needed to go to Gringotts and get that taken care of. They have forgiven me and I was able to find out about my inheritances. As you most likely know I have gotten quite a bit of money which I chose to share with my friends and who I consider family. I have several homes that I have inherited and I really need to check on them. That is what I want to do now. I know that I am welcome here It's just too soon since well you know what happened three weeks ago."

"Harry do you have to go alone?" Arthur asked.

"Well I don't have to but I don't know who would go with me. Hermione needs to go get her parents and I'm sure Ron would rather go with her than she go by herself."

"Harry why don't I go with you? I'm not ready to go back to the shop full time yet." George suggested.

"George if you really want to I don't mind. But you should be warned some of it will be totally depressing." Harry said calmly.

"Well if I can handle you for the past two months I can handle anything." George joked.

Harry smiled a bit at his joke then looked at Molly and Arthur. "Is it ok with you if George goes with me?"

"Of course if he wants to go he is more than welcome to go. Of course I don't like any of my children leaving home right now but I can understand." Molly said with a tear falling.

"It shouldn't be more than a week. If it is we will tell you all. I won't be leaving without telling you anymore." Harry promised. Slowly he stood up and announced he had to go tell Ron and Hermione. He slowly went outside it only took a few moments to spot Ron and Hermione cuddled together.

"Hey guys we need to talk." Harry said as he walked over to them.

"What's going on Harry?" Hermione asked noticing that something was up.

"I'm leaving soon again for a week. I just wanted to let you both know."

"Why?" Ron asked angrily.

"I also inherited some houses that I need to check on. I'll be back in a week or so."

"Well why don't Ron and I go with you?"

"Hermione you need to go get your parents. You have put it off to long because of me. I will go check my houses and you and Ron can go get your parents."

"But mate you'll be alone."

"Ron I don't want you to be upset but George asked if he could go with me and I told him he could. I thought that you would rather go with Hermione to keep her safe."

Ron blushed and slowly nodded. "thanks mate. It's not that I wouldn't want to go with you or anything but if we have to do this I would rather go with Hermione."

Harry smiled weakly at his two best friends and headed back inside to get some more sleep. He would talk to George about when to leave in the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Harry was up for most of the night thinking of everything he needed to do. He slowly got up from the cot he had been supposed to be sleeping in and headed down the stairs not expecting anyone else to be up. As he entered the kitchen he was shocked to see Molly sitting down having some tea before everyone started to wake.

"Oh Hello Harry please join me. I always like to have a quiet moment before the family wake." Molly said with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not really. I think I managed a few minutes." Harry said looking her in the eye. For the first time she saw the restlessness that she had never saw in him before.

"Are you anxious about seeing your homes?"

"I guess a little and a little about George going."

"Why would you be concerned about that?"

"Mrs. Weasely the only thing that worries me is I get a feeling that this is more than just making sure I'm not alone. I get the feeling he has been putting off grieving for his brother so not to upset you or me."

"That makes sense what else worries you about this trip?" Molly said taking a long sip of her tea.

"I guess I'm a little afraid of the emotions that is going to well come to surface."

"That is understandable and expected. But you can do this. Harry you are stronger than you realize." Molly said as she got up to start breakfast. "So what do you plan on doing?"

"I was thinking of going to diagon alley for some supplies and maybe a new owl. I really need to get one if I'm going to be gone for a while. Maybe I'll see if Ron and Hermione would like to go with me."

"That sounds good." Molly answered as she started making various breakfast foods. All to soon they heard the family upstairs start to wake up and come grumbling down the stairs to the kitchen. Harry discussed his trip to Diagon Alley with Ron and Hermione which they agreed to right away. After a quick discussion about when they wanted to leave with George he and his two best friends headed out. When they arrived in Diagon Alley it was filled with people. Harry ignored all the whispering and the downright screaming of his names and strode with purpose towards Gringotts. Ron and Hermione stared as they followed Harry. They had never known him to be able to just tune those whispers out. Silently they worried about their friend as they entered the bank.

"Yes I need to talk to Speak to some one about my homes." Harry told a goblin who was looking at him curiously.

"Yes sir. I will just call Rushnack over and he will be able to help you." He said and moments later the Goblin he had mentioned popped next to Harry.

"Ah Mr. Potter we meet again. How can I help you today?"

"Rushnack I need to find the actual address to all these properties and how to get there. I wish to visit them and discover their conditions before deciding what to do with them."

"Yes If you'll just follow me I can get you the information that you require." The aged Goblin said. Harry followed slowly behind the Goblin as they entered an office. As he sat in the seat he was offered nervousness filled him.

"Here we are Mr. Potter. This is a list of addresses where you can find all your properties and how to get there. Is there any thing else I can do for you?"

"Yes since I'm going to be gone for a little while I was thinking is there some way for me to access my vault and turn some of my money into muggle money without having to come into the bank to do so?"

"We can do that for you. I will have a Card similar to a muggle credit card made for you and you can use it just like a credit card. Is that acceptable to you?"

"Yes that would be fine. How soon can you have it ready for me?"

"Just give me a moment I'll go get it for you now." The Goblin said standing from his chair. He left quickly and after what seemed like mere seconds he returned with a card in his hand.

"Here you are Mr. Potter. Now is there anything else you would like to discuss?"

"No sir I believe that covers it all."

"Then I bid you a good day."

"Thank you for all your help." Harry said as he walked out of the office. Harry met Ron and Hermione and together they managed to get Harry a new firebolt and a new snowy owl. He had planned on getting a barn owl or something that was more ordinary but after seeing the owl looking at him he knew he had to buy it. A few hours later after they had finished their shopping they arrived at the burrow. Harry quietly took his things upstairs leaving Ron and Hermione with Mrs. Weasely.

"Ok you two. How is he really?" She asked serving some tea and biscuits.

"Mum He's not the same. He never smiles anymore or even laughs. He just can't force himself to do something that his heart isn't in. I think that this trip might be good for him and George."

"Why George?"

"I don't think he has truly dealt with the loss of Fred. It's like he is going through all the motions but isn't feeling them. Maybe the two of them can work together fixing their problems."

"Thank you Ron for your insight. You could have something there. Hermione how is Ginny doing? She doesn't really talk much right now to us."

"Molly she is confused. She still loves Harry but she also isn't dealing with her own grief when they are together. She knows she hurt him but I don't think she realizes how much. She doesn't understand why Harry has broken the way he did."

"None of us really do. I know he's been thru a lot but he never really speaks of it. I really think that if he explained the whole thing to us he would feel better."

"Mum we will talk to Harry about it. Maybe he will." Ron said as he stood up. He smiled at his mother then headed up the stairs to his room followed by Hermione.

Harry didn't even hear them enter the room as he just stared out of the window. Ron and Hermione shared a concerned look and went on to sit on Ron's bed. Harry never turned his head even after Ron started to speak to him.

"Harry We have a question for you. Well we were thinking that maybe it's time to tell the family and maybe the order just what we were doing out their last year. I mean after you get back and we get back from Australia."

"You might be right Ron. Here copy this address down and meet me there when you get back." Harry said handing him a slip of paper with the Potters Mansion address on it.

"Well I think I am going to go take a walk and then a nap." Hermione said as she exited the room.

Ron went around and quickly packed and then laid down for a nap since Hermione and he was leaving that evening for Australia. An hour and a half later he awoke refreshed. Ron turned over and saw Harry still staring out the window with a quiet sigh he left the room and went down to the kitchen where everyone was gathered. Dinner would be done soon.

"Ron How is Harry?" Hermione asked as she took his hand. Everyone looked up including Ginny.

"I don't know. He's been staring out my window for the past two hours. Barely saying a word to me."

Ginny looked wide eyed at her brother who was turning red as his anger mounted the rest of the family could see that he had a few things he wanted to say to her. He tried to hold himself back but found it to hard.

"Ginny I just can't understand why you did it. I try to reason it out. I've tried to put myself in your shoes. How could you tell him you loved him and then break him like that? I just don't understand it." He said before running outside without letting her explain.

George slowly slipped out of the room and headed up to where Harry was.

"Harry we need to decide when to leave and where we are going first." George said to the figure staring out the darkened window. Harry finally turned away and pulled out the parchment he had been given.

"I was thinking of leaving first thing after breakfast in the morning and go to the furthest place first and make our way towards Potter Manor."

"Sounds like a plan to me mate." George said. "Why don't we head down to dinner?"

Harry stood up and slowly followed George down the stairs. Dinner was a very quiet affair that night. Everyone noticed that Harry wasn't really eating. Molly sighed before finally speaking.

"Harry you have to eat something. Please try."

Harry took a bite of potato without even tasting it. Everything he ate tasted like cardboard but he continued to try to eat until he couldn't do it any longer. He pushed the plate back and shook his head. Molly sighed but said nothing as she started to clear the table.

Hermione quickly summoned her and Ron's things to the kitchen and with a quick hug to everyone they left for Australia. Harry sat down in a chair in the kitchen putting his head in his hands and sighing. Molly sat next to him.

"This is so hard. Seeing her every day." Harry said quietly.

"Harry I'm sorry it's so hard on you."

"I know it isn't easy on her too. That is one reason I'm leaving for a short while. I need to learn to live on my own and face my own demons. But I never thought that It'd hurt this much."

"With everything you have dealt with it is no wander it is so hard on you." Molly said sympathetic.

"I don't want any of you to think that all I ever do is run when things get hard. I've never been one to run like this. It's like after everything that has happened I don't know what to do with myself. I never thought of having a future. I honestly thought I was going to die in this war. But when given the chance to come back I did. Now I can't figure out what to do. Everything is broken. The family I love that has taken me in can't even mourn for their lost family member because of my weakness. I have to get away for just a little while to sort things out for myself. Maybe if I can think clearly I can get myself back together. Maybe I can figure out how to live alone." Harry said begging her to understand.

"Harry, I know you have a lot to think about but you'll never be completely alone. You will always be a member of this family. We all love you so much. And We have mourned but it was because of you that none of us fell so deeply in that we couldn't get out. I'm sure George will do his mourning when He's gone with you. And I believe that if anyone can help him through it it'll be you." Molly said honestly.

"I'll do my best. Ron, Hermione and I have decided that when they get back It's time for you all and the order to find out what went on completely this past year. You all have the right to know. We just don't know how to go about it. But we will figure it out."

"Harry you three tell us when your ready. I appreciate the fact that you are willing to do this. Now off to bed with you. You and George are leaving in the mourning and I won't have you trying to leave have asleep." Molly said smiling.

Harry left the kitchen and quickly went up to the empty room. Sleep came easy for him that night.

Molly was just getting up when she saw her daughter walk down the stairs followed by her husband. Ginny's eyes were red and puffy from crying. Arthur put his hand gently on her shoulder leading her into the kitchen.

"Look who I came across when I came down the stairs." Arthur said Ginny sat down next to her mother. Taking a cup of tea she looked at her mother.

"Mum I'm so confused. I love Harry but I don't know what to do. Now I've broken up with him. But He's miserable and I'm miserable."

"Ginny if you want him back it's going to have to be because you truly want it not because you feel bad for him. He wouldn't be happy and deep down you wouldn't be happy. You know even though it hurts him all he wants is for you to be happy."

"Mum I know I want him back because I can't see my life without him. I don't know why I broke up with him really. I was so angry with him and confused I don't understand how he could just pretend everything was ok after everything. I guess I don't understand what he went through."

"Well I think when Ron and Hermione get back We will all have our chance. Harry has expressed his plans to tell us all and the order of course what they had been doing. But You must be patient with him it's going to be as difficult for them to tell as it will be for us to hear."

"Do you think I can ever win his heart again?"

"Ginny I don't believe you have ever lost it. But you have broken his trust. He trusted you not to hurt him as he trusted himself to never hurt you again. That will take time. Let him heal. Let yourself heal as well. Then you can try again. Maybe you both moved faster than you should have. But you need to let him know that you still want to be friends with him. Keep talking to him. Stop avoiding him. I know it's hard to see the pain in his eyes but if you want to get back together with him you have to keep the conversation going." Arthur added.

"Thanks I think I will go upstairs to bed." Ginny said giving her parents a hug as she left.

The night passed all to quickly for Molly. She stood by her stove thinking about all her children and how she wished they would all stay longer. But deep down she understood about their need to leave for a while. Bill and Fleur had decided to stay along with Percy and Charlie so that was a comfort. Ginny had no choice so she would be there. It had been good to hear her the night before speak openly about her confusion.

Soon every one was up and sitting at the table. Harry looked like he hadn't slept but no one commented. He managed to eat the food that was put in front of him and after waiting for George to finish summoned their bags and hugged everyone goodbye.

George grabbed Harry's arm as he popped out of sight only to reappear on a beach in the Caribbean. They spent several hours there before heading off to Ireland. With in the first day they had seen to each of Harry's properties except for Potter Manor. Excitingly they apparated just outside the Manor and stared at the old grand building in front of them. Harry quickly walked up to the gate and tapped it with his wand. A second later a blue light covered Harry shocking them both and as they watched it turned gold disappearing as the gate opened.

The two walked up the path to the front door which opened as they approached. Harry attentively entered the house with his wand in his hand. Greeting him were six house elves that were dressed impeccably for house elves. They each bowed deeply as he looked around the ornately decorated entrance in deep reds and gold.

"Master Harry you have arrived at last. We are proud to serve the honored house of Potter. I am Emboro The head house elf of your estate. May I introduce you to the rest of our staff?" Emboro asked as he stared into Harry's eyes.

"Yes please do."

As he went down the line he introduced each one. "Emma here is in charge of the kitchen. Millie is in charge of housekeeping, Jacks is in charge of maintenance. Max is in charge of landscapes and Ella is in charge of general duties. But we all do what ever you require."

"May I ask why you all are dressed this way and talk this way and are dressed this way?" Harry asked kindly.

"Of course you may. Your grandparents were the kindest people you would ever want to meet. When we came to live here they changed our names to normal names and gave us dignity unknown to house elves. They also insisted that we learn proper ways to speak and wear normal looking clothes. They believed that just because we served them it didn't mean we were any less worthy of time or attention."

"That is good. Could you please give me and my friend George here a tour of the house?"

"Of course Master Harry. Follow me if you please."

Emboro led them throught he entrance hall into the main parlor. They quickly made their way through the luscious living areas downstairs and headed up the stairs to the second floor. As they entered the first room Harry gasped. He recognized the first prominent feature of the room.

"Is that a pensieve?"

"Yes Master Harry. It is a very special pensieve. You can easily play it like a muggle would a T.V. for a crowd. The second one is also very special it is not your normal pensieve. It will allow others to feel a portion of your emotions as they view it. And with the other one you can show a group. But you must not go more than three months in memories as it takes more from you than just the threads of memories. And you will be required to relive some of your worst memories."

"So I can use these?"

"Of course you may."

"Ok then We will need this room every evening to prepare. I have a story to tell and this would be perfect for telling it. In a week we shall have two guests join us. Ron Weasely and Hermione Granger my best friends and sometime after their arrival we shall invite a group of people for lunch and the story. How many bed rooms does this place have?"

"Twelve."

"Good we will need to prepare them all just in case they are needed. This story may take quite awhile to tell."

"Very well Master Harry I shall see to it as soon as the tour is finished."

"Thank you very much"

George looked in awe as they continued the tour. He smiled broadly when he entered what would be his bed room for his stay. It was bright yellow with a soft mint green accents. He bid Harry to go on that he would just catch a nap before dinner. Sighing he laid down on the bed and fell asleep.

Harry finished the tour and returned to the room with the pensieves and slowly began to draw them out one by one so that he could organize them into a presentation. Of course he would also use some of Ron's and Hermione's. Hours seemed to slip by and George was starting to worry about Harry. Slowly he entered the room where Harry was working so diligently. As he looked around the room he could see on the screen a scene that was obviously from the battle. George could see Fred and Percy standing there fighting with Pious Thickness and Percy telling his little joke. He looked on trying desperately to squeeze his eyes shut but his eyes refused. He watched helplessly as the wall exploded and watched in horror as his brother Percy lost it as he discovered Fred.

George stood in shock as tears started to fall. Suddenly his knees gave out and he crashed to the floor. The noise caused Harry to spin around and upon seeing George he tapped the pensieve off. He rushed over and pulled the distraught man to him allowing him to cry.

"George I'm so sorry I didn't realize that you would walk in and see that." Harry said trying to hide the tears in his voice. Slowly George gained control.

"Harry don't worry about it. I was just checking on you. You've been in here for hours going over memories that must be difficult. I guess seeing it happened finally made it real. I feel like I've been living a fake life you know. I guess that doesn't make much sense."

"It makes sense to me. I know there is times I think that this is all just another one of my nightmares that I'll wake up and it didn't happen. Then something happens and it all comes crashing down again."

Harry slowly stood up and helped George to his feet. Slowly they walked out of the room and down to the dining room. They ate in silence before George spoke again.

"You know I think that was the first time I've actually cried for myself over the death of Fred. I have cried before but usually because I was feeling bad for some one else who was crying."

"I know. I mean I could tell."

"Harry how are you doing really?" George said with concern

"I'm here that is all I can say. I mean I'm still hurting like hell over all the losses in the battle. I can't even go one night anymore without a nightmare. But that doesn't hurt half as much as her." Harry said getting and walking over to look out on the garden outside the window. "George that hurts worse than every single person we lost. I love her so much and she ripped it away like I was nothing than a passing fling."

George looked on in shock. He never thought that Harry would open up like this but said nothing.

"I should have known it was to good to last. I've caused so much pain over the years to so many people that I should have expected that someday there would be hell to pay. You can't hurt people and expect to come out of it unscathed. I knew better than to expect her to love me but there she was telling me that she did. And for the first time I felt what I had never felt before. That someone truly cared about me. Harry not the boy who lived or the chosen one or what ever they call me these days. But I should have known it wouldn't last. I still love her and it kills me to know that she may never return those feelings ever again. But I hurt her one to many times. I hope that with time she finds some one who loves her half as much as I do. As for me I'm never going to love anyone else. My heart will always be hers till the day I draw my last breath." Harry said in a voice void of all emotion. But the look of sheer pain on Harry's face as he turned to face George proved the emotion behind his words.

"Harry don't give up all hope. She'll come around. She is just in pain right now. We all are."

"George she was all the hope I had left. She's gone now and I just have to let her go. I don't want her to come back if she feels sorry for poor little Harry. You know?"

"I don't blame you there. If it is purely on pity you won't be happy and there is no way that she will be happy."

"Sometimes I feel like it would have been better if I'd died in the battle. At least I wouldn't hurt this much and no one else would have to deal with me."

"Harry don't say that. We would have been devastated if you had. Losing Fred was hard enough. To lose you too would have been the last straw."

"If you'll excuse me I have to get back to work." Harry said clearly ready for the conversation to be over.

"Harry just try to sleep tonight ok?"

"I'll try." Harry said as he strode out of the room.

Harry spent the rest of the evening working on his memories. Finally he exhaustedly made his way to his room. He fell into a fitful sleep. His nightmares returned again that night.

George was sleeping quite nicely when all of a sudden a scream woke him. He jumped up and grabbed his wand. Slowly he approached Harry's door. He could hear the voices of several house elves trying to calm their distraught master. He entered without knocking and approached the bed. The sheets were shredded from Harry pulling and tearing at them so hard. He had several scratches on him from his own hands. Gently he pulled Harry towards him and rubbed his back. Soon Harry had calmed down enough for him to open his tear filled eyes.

"I was back in the battle and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It just played over and over again it wouldn't stop." Harry sobbed.

"It's over Harry. Try to sleep I'll just sit in that chair over there. I'm right here you don't have to be afraid."

Harry fell asleep again and George finally fell asleep in the chair. Over the next five days that remained the routine. Harry was eating but not gaining any weight in fact he was still losing at an alarming weight. He had no energy anymore. George watched helplessly. Finally on the sixth day they were there a knock came on the front door.

Emboro opened the door and met Ron and Hermione standing their awkwardly.

"Oh you must be Master Harry's friends he said would be arriving soon. Please follow me." He said leading them up the stairs where Harry was again going over memories. They entered and was shocked to see Harry looking so thin. Hermione gave Harry a firm hug and Ron clapped him on his back. Hermione quickly filled Harry in on their successful journey. Her parents were now at the burrow for a few days until they could find out about their house.

"If you want you can look at what I put together then we can add what ever of your memories to it that will help it be more descriptive." Harry said as he sat down. The pair quickly took a look at the memories arriving out of it in tears.

"Harry that is perfect. I don't think we will have to talk much either." Hermione said.

"Yeah mate but may I ask what is that thing over there?" Ron asked pointing towards the strange looking object.

"it's a special kind of Pensieve that allows you to feel a percentage of what the memory holder felt. I will be using that one to show the after math. I need you all to understand what was going on." Harry said. "Now if you will come with me I'm sure George would love to talk to you both while I get a little rest."

Along with his two best mates he quickly found George. George and Ron fell into a quick conversation allowing Harry to slip out almost unnoticed. Hermione noticed but said nothing until she knew he was out of earshot.

"George Why is Harry so thin?" Hermione asked.

"I wish I knew he has been eating quite well in fact more than me."

"Has he seen a healer?"

"No and you know what it's like trying to get him to." George said causing the other two to just nod. Finally Ron asked the question that they really didn't want to hear the answer to.

"How is he really doing?"

"He's surviving but barely. He has nightmares every night wakes up sobbing. He has scratches from his own fingers and has torn so many sheets. I've taken to sleeping in a chair in his room so that when he finally screams I can calm him down. He's been reliving the battle every night." George said sadly. "I wish I knew what to do for him. His house elves has tried to heal his malnutrition but hasn't been able to. I have to calm them down cause they think they are failing him."

Emma came into the room and started dusting quietly. She glanced over at the three that were now sitting in the sitting room. She looked sad and forlorn as did the rest of the elves in the house.

"Emma are you ok?" George asked.

"I am fine just worried. Master Harry is dying. We elves can feel our masters life energy and his is dropping. We have tried to do what we could but nothing we do helps." She said dissolving into tears.

Hermione hugged the elf as tears fell down her face. Ron looked away trying to hide the tears on his own face as his brother wrapped his arms around him.

"I think we had best get everyone here for the meeting soon. Before he gets worse." Hermione said finding her voice.

After they all calmed down they checked on Harry who was laying on his bed breathing very shallow. They discussed when they should do this and after a few minutes they thought about inviting them all the next day. George offered to take the invite to the burrow himself and Ron quickly agreed that he should go. While he was gone Hermione and Ron wrote the letters to be sent to various order members and ministry and D.A. members.

George nervously walked up the path. He didn't know how much to actually tell the family. He entered the kitchen to find his mother setting up for lunch. He briskly hugged her and asked who all was there.

"Your father is here as is Bill and Fleur, Charlie, Percy, Ginny and the Grangers."

"Good I have an announcement to make." He said as Molly called everyone to lunch. After several hugs and slaps on his back they all sat down to talk. George described the houses he had gone to with Harry and told them of him finally crying for Fred. Finally he was brave enough to announce the invite.

"Harry would like to invite us all to Potter Manor so that he and Ron and Hermione can tell us all about what they did while gone all those months."

"When will he be wanting us over there?" Molly asked.

"Tomorrow."

"We will be there" Arthur said quickly.

"I don't know if I really want to know. Why now?" Charlie asked.

"Because it has to be soon. I think you should go." George said as calmly as he could.

Bill noticed but chose to say nothing about it as he replied. "I'm inclined to agree with Charlie. I don't see how it will help any of us heal.

"Well eef you don't go beel you vill be by yourself as I am going." Fleur said angrily.

"Look guys can you please come. I know how painful it is going to be but please you have to come." George said becoming more irritated as they bickered about going.

"George why are you so insistant that we go when we obviously don't want to?" Charlie said angrily. Molly looked at George as a pained look passed over his quiet features.

"Because Oh Damn it I didn't want to tell you this." George said as tears fell down his cheeks.

"George what aren't you telling us?" Molly asked knowing that it had to be bad to make George fall apart like this.

"Harry isn't doing well." George said hoping that would be enough.

"So are you telling me that I have to come just because Harry's not doing well sorry little bro that isn't enough for me to come and relive a year of hell." Charlie said angrily.

"That isn't the reason you need to come." George screamed as he stood up hovering over his older brother. "Harry's dying Charlie. If you don't come you may not see him alive again"

The kitchen was silent as the two stared at each other. Ginny let out a squeak and ran up the stairs followed by Percy who would not let her be alone in that moment.

"Surely he can't be that bad George." Bill said.

"Bill he is slipping away a little more every day. For the past week he has ate so much but he is still losing weight. I've had to pick him up and he weighs nothing. It's like picking up a feather. He won't seek medical help."

Molly stared at her sons with tears streaming down her face. Suddenly she stood mumbled her apologies and ran up the stairs sobbing. Arthur slowly stood up and after assuring George that they would be there the next morning he followed his wife.

Charlie gulped. "I'll be there." he said guiltily. Bill also said he would be there.

"Thank you I best be getting back. Ron and Hermione won't be able to handle it when the nightmares start."

"Nightmares?" Percy asked as he reentered the kitchen with Ginny.

"Yeah they are back. He's been reliving the battle every night over and over for the past six days. Well I'll see you all after breakfast." George said after giving Ginny a hug. He left his family in total shock. When he arrived at the Manor he found it in total mayhem. McGonagall and Hagrid and most of the teachers had arrived and were discussing Harry's appearance in great length while the D.A were all trying to calm them down. Kingsley looked like he was going to cry. Three people were looking pale faced at the scene in front of them and George decided that he would approach them.

"Hello I'm George Weasely. I'm not sure who you are have we met?"

"I am Petunia Dursley and this is my husband Vernon and our son Dudley."

"Oh very nice to meet you." George remembered now meeting them once before but chose not to mention it.

"It was so kind of Harry to invite us to hear his tale."

"He is a really nice guy." George said noticing that she wanted to ask him a question. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"He's dying isn't he?"

"We think so. He is eating but still losing weight and has no energy. We can't get him to go see a healer." George said noticing the tears falling from the woman's eyes.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Mrs. Dursley I wish it were that easy. There of course is a chance that he will pull out of this but it's going to take a miracle. But if a miracle can come to any of us it's Harry. I guess the most we all can do is be there for him."

"I'll be here as long as he needs me. I failed him when he was a child I won't repeat that mistake."

"I'm sure Harry will be glad you're here. Now if you will excuse me I have to go see what is going on over there." George said politely. He still wasn't joking like he had in the past but he felt a little closer to himself these past few days. He carefully approached Professor McGonagall.

"Professor what is going on?"

"Poppy just arrived she is heading up to check Harry out. I just hope it isn't too late."

Arthur walked into the bedroom to find Molly packing a bag in full out tears. He knew what she was doing and pulled out a bag and started packing for himself.

"I have to go Arthur I just can't stay here while he's suffering."

"I know Molly and I'm going with you. We can tell the children to join us if they wish or they can come in the morning. I know at least one of our children will go with us now."

"Ginny" "Yes. I could see her yearning to go when she found out. I believe that she is still in love with him. I know that they are meant to be together. Maybe if anyone she can give him the strength to fight again."

"I hope so Arthur I can't lose him. I just can't" Molly said starting to sob harder.

Arthur hugged his wife and after calming her a bit said that he would head down to tell the children. He entered the quiet kitchen with his bag. The family looked up solemnly.

"Your mother and I are going over as soon as your mother is packed. You may join us if you wish or you can meet us in the morning."

Ginny rushed out of the kitchen followed by Percy. No one had to ask what they were doing. Bill looked at Fleur who simply nodded and started to move towards the stairs. Bill looked at Charlie who seemed to be lost in thought. Charlie looked up and slowly nodded. He followed his brother up the stairs.

Thirty minutes later they were all leaving the burrow to go to Potter Manor. They had gotten the address from Harry before George and Harry left. They arrived to find all the invited guests sitting quietly waiting for news. George rushed over to his parents and siblings.

"Madame Pomfrey is upstairs with Harry now. We should know any minute."

Poppy had seen Harry looking bad but never this bad. She had done all the scans but could find nothing to indicate why he was wasting away.

"Harry can you please tell me what you have been doing this past week?" She asked hoping he would tell her.

"I've been working in the pensieves to put together a presentation of our past year."

"Pensieves? There are more than one?"

"Yes one normal and one shows emotion."

"Ah I've learned about those but they are extremely rare. About how long each day were you using them?"

"the regular one about eight hours and the emotional one for about four hours every day."

"OH Harry that explains it. The emotional one takes a little from the person who carries the emotions every time they use it. At the rate you have been using it takes it's toll. You mustn't use it for at least a week. At the rate you are deteriating you will be dead within a week."

"I have to use it. My normal memories isn't enough. They have to understand. They have to know how I was feeling. What if I don't use it until day after tomorrow?"

"Harry I can't ensure that nothing will happen. But if you don't use it tonight or tomorrow there is a chance that you may only go into a coma but if I'm wrong you could die. Isn't there any other way?"

"No one will understand why I've acted or felt the way I did for the past two months if I don't use it. Even if it costs me my life they have to understand."

"there is nothing I can do to persuade you."

"No."

Poppy shook her head as she came down the stairs. She was met with a room full of sullen faces. She cleared her throat and immediately answered all the unspoken questions.

"Harry is resting comfortably. I gave him a potion to stop the dreams for the night so he should finally get some sleep. I have found out why he is being drained. He has been using a magical artifact that is not usually harmful except he has been working on it far to often and for much to long. It's draining him. With rest and if he stays away from it for a while he should eventually get better." She said with a note of sadness.

Everyone started talking at once. Poppy moved over to where the Order members had gathered along with some of the D.A.

"What is the artifact?"

"It's a special pensieve that allows them to show not only memories but emotions. It takes a little out of the memory holder each time it's used and the longer it's used the worse it is."

"What was he using it for?" Hagrid asked.

"It's for our little meeting. I've tried to talk him out of it. But he is convinced that we all need to understand. I said he couldn't safely use it for a week at the least but he is determined that day after tomorrow he will us it to show us."

"What could happen Poppy if he uses it so soon?" Molly asked not even hiding the fear in her voice. Ginny stepped closer to her mother praying that what she suspected wouldn't be true.

"Well honestly I'm not sure. There is a possibility that He could simply sink into a coma which at some point could be reversed. But there is also a very strong chance he could die. He seemed to be at peace with that possibility."

Ginny slipped past her family and stepped out into the hall. Tears fell from her eyes, shaking she walked out onto the patio and into the garden. She found a long bench and sat down putting her face into her hands. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was Harry always so strong. But deep down she remembered what Hermione had told her a few days ago that every one had their breaking point and she had found Harry's. The deep feeling that she had betrayed him fell onto her shoulders like a boulder that no one could lift. She lifted her head and stared out into the clear star filled sky. She never heard the small house elf approach her.

"Miss is upset about master Harry?" Emma asked.

"Yes. I hurt him so much in my own pain. I didn't even think it through. I feel like I betrayed him."

Emma stood there for what seemed forever mulling over Ginny's words. She looked into Ginny's pain filled eyes before speaking again.

"You love Master Harry still do you not?"

"Very much. I didn't want to hurt him but being with him would have hurt him and breaking it off hurt him."

Molly nodded to the small house elf that had suggested that they all go on to bed. Ella showed them to there rooms. It wasn't until fifteen minutes later that Bill realized that Ginny wasn't any where around. He steeled away in search for his little sister. He quietly snuck into Harry's room thinking that was the most logical. He looked at the sleeping form barely recognizing the young man lying in the bed. The covers over him did nothing to hide how gaunt he had gotten. He was so lost in his own thought that he hadn't noticed his father sitting near the bed.

"He looks bad. I came in so I could know what he looked like before your mother came in. I know I won't be able to stop her. I don't think I'll be able to prepare her for this." Arthur said quietly causing Bill to jump.

"Has Ginny been up here yet?"

"No but I'm sure she will be. I just wish there was something I could do to persuade him that we understand so he wouldn't use that thing."

"Dad as much as we like to say we understand I don't think we do. We understand some of it but not most of it. I don't think you could talk him out of it if you tried."

"I know well I best go talk to your mother before she comes in here."

Bill walked out of the room with his father and slowly headed down the stairs. As he walked down the stairs he could see a familiar shadow in the parlor. Charlie stood at the window watching the house elf talk to their little sister. Charlie could sense his older brother's presence and without even turning he spoke in a shaky voice.

"I don't know how to protect her from the heartache she is going through. I just don't know."

"Charlie there are times when there is nothing we can do except accept their decisions and help them pick up the pieces."

"I haven't helped them much pick up their pieces. I really never stopped to listen to them like you do. Maybe if I had taken more time with him I could have helped him before all this happened. I feel like I failed them."

"We all did Charlie. We should have paid more attention to them and we didn't. We let them deal with all of it just the two of them."

"Have you seen Harry?"

"Yeah you?"

"No I just can't seem to force myself to go."

"Charlie I won't lie to you it looks grim. I could barely recognize him. Well I think I'm going to go on up and try to get some sleep."

Molly sat by Harry holding his hand letting tears flow freely. She could hear sobs coming from down the hall but could not pry herself away to find which one of her children was crying. Arthur looked at her and told her that he would go. Arthur slipped out of the door and walked down the hall to find Ron sitting on the stairs crying. He sat down next to his son and put his arms around him. Ron who usually would have tried to stop the tears at the sight of his family unabashedly let them continue to fall. It was a testament to the pain he was feeling that he would do this. With out a word Arthur just held his youngest son and let him cry it out.

It was hours later that everyone had finally gotten to bed. The next day was going to be an emotional day for all of them.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The next morning came in a hazy rain that seemed to fit the mood of the house. Harry woke and slowly got up to take his shower. As he dressed he asked Emboro to make sure everyone was at breakfast as he was unsure when lunch would be served. Slowly he made his way down to the dining room. It was hard for him to walk as tired as he was.

As he entered the dining room he noticed that everyone was there that he had invited. They all looked up. Several tried to hide the shock of his appearance and pretend that he looked like he always had. Harry found his seat and motioned for Ella and Emma to serve the food. Conversations around the table was subdued as they were all quite worried about Harry.

"I'm very glad you all could come. Hopefully most of the story will be told today. Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon have you met everyone here?" Harry said in a very weak voice.

"Ah yes Harry Everyone has introduced themselves and has been so kind much kinder than we could ever hope to deserve." His aunt said as her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"I'm glad that you are here. Please remember that I don't hold anything against you. You are here for me now and that is what matters." Harry told the three Dursley's.

The meal went by painfully slow for Ginny. It hurt her to watch Harry so weak and to look so old. He was 17 but acted more like an old man. As she pushed her eggs around her plate she thought of the conversation she had had with the small house elf the night before.

"_You still love Master Harry do you not?" the voice said stirring Ginny out of her thoughts._

"_Yes. I hurt him so much in my own pain. I didn't even think it through. I feel like I betrayed him."_

_It seemed like hours before the small elf answered her._

"_Master Harry still loves you Miss. I think that is why he has pushed himself so hard over the past few days."_

"_But I don't understand all I told him is that I needed space. I didn't want an explanation. Of course one would have been nice but that's not what I needed."_

"_Miss I think Master Harry wants to tell you all the story because he has known he was dying for a while. He is desperate that if he is going to die that those that love him understand why. It's not just the heartbreak from you Miss. It's the memories. The haunt him still. Mister George has had to hold him several nights while he cried out."_

"_I know I love him but I don't know how to fix this."_

"_It won't be easy. But there is always hope. But you must be strong and patient. The next two days will test both of you. You can't expect him to just return to you like nothing happened just as he didn't expect it of you. Just be there for him. Be willing to hold his hand as the worst of his memories pass. Just show him that you aren't going any where."_

"_You mean there is a chance he might survive. I mean it sounds pretty likely he won't."_

"_Miss I think there is always hope. Just hold on to him. Give him strength by just being there for him."_

Ginny was pulled from her memories as she heard the scraping of the chairs around her. Harry was asking a question to some one but she was so lost in thought that she didn't know who. She looked around the table to see somber faces.

"Emboro please lead our guests up to the projection room. I will be along very shortly." Harry said to the small elf.

Ginny held back waiting to see if anyone would help Harry. After seeing him telling everyone to go ahead she knew it was time for her to act. She waited until everyone else had left the room before walking up to Harry who was now looking at the floor. She tried to fight the urge to run up and throw her arms around him.

"Harry, Can we talk for a few minutes?" She said nervously.

"Of course Ginny what do you need?" Harry said sighing heavily.

Ginny took a seat across from Harry and looked into his dead green eyes. She took a long breath before she tried her voice. Fear filled her as she tried to talk.

"I want to you to know that you don't have to do this but if you are determined too I'm here for you. I know I hurt you and I wish I could take it all back. I would do anything if I could go back and never say what I did. I should have handled things a lot differently. I should have talked to you and trusted that you could handle it. I've handled you with kid gloves since you made that attempt and now I realize that all I was doing was cause us more pain. I should have been honest with you and told you that I didn't understand why you felt the way you did instead of always telling you I did. I would like to ask your forgiveness. But if you can't I do understand. I don't know if I could forgive me if I was in your place." Ginny said as a tear slid down her face.

Harry looked down at the table unsure of what to say next. He knew that people were upstairs waiting but he knew that this was more important. He looked up at the door way and saw Bill and Charlie just outside. He couldn't be sure but he thought that they had heard every word that Ginny said. He sighed as he thought about what he could say.

"Ginny, You don't have to ask for forgiveness if anyone should be apologizing it should be me. I haven't been fair to you or to your family. I should have been telling you instead of hiding behind the pain. I've leaned on you so much that I almost broke you too. If I would have spoke to you about everything you would have understood what I was going through. I wish I knew how to do that. But I don't know how to tell you how I feel. I've never had anyone who really cared about how I felt. Growing up I couldn't tell anyone I was hurting. If I did no one would care. But I should have tried."

"I guess we both are guilty for the mess we are in." Ginny said grimly. "So where do we go from here?"

"I don't know Gin, I know I still love you but right now I can't think of a future together. We've hurt each other to much and right now I still kind of am doing this day by day." Harry said honestly.

"Harry I love you too." Ginny didn't know what else to say. Her heart was crumbling thinking that she had blew her one chance. Her thoughts were interrupted by Harry.

"Gin lets take this day by day. I know we can't be together right now but maybe if we keep talking and being friends maybe we can figure this out. But it won't be easy."

"Ok Harry I can accept that. Let's try to figure this out day by day." Ginny said trying not to smile. Harry looked up to see Bill and Charlie enter the room. He smiled lightly as he greeted them.

"Bill, Charlie you all must be anxious for me to get up there. I'm afraid a friend of mine kept me for a bit. Let's get up there so we can get this over with."

Ginny moved over to Harry and helped him stand up as he murmured his thanks. Bill and Charlie never said a word just watched the two head out of the room. Slowly they followed watching for signs that Harry needed them. Ginny held on to Harry as they went up the stairs. As they entered the room Ginny dropped his arm. Her hand fell limply to her side. Harry looked straight ahead as they went deeper among the chairs of people. Harry wobbled a little and as his hand grazed Ginny's he wrapped his fingers around hers. She looked up in surprise but said nothing as they found their seats.

Every head in the room turned and watched the two young people enter the room. Some looked lovingly at them holding hands. No one spoke as Harry seemed to be thinking of what to say. He felt so nervous as he looked into the faces of his friends and family. Hermione and Ron looked at Harry who was still holding tight to Ginny's hand.

"I've set this up so that our story will be told through our memories. We will stop every so often so that you can ask any question. What you will find out in this room can not leave this room. Kingsley if you feel you need to tell any of the Ministry please make sure they can be trusted." Harry said. Kingsley looked up and nodded in approval.

"The first few are from our sixth year when I was taking special lessons with Dumbledore. They will be of great importance they will explain why we had to do what we did." Harry said as he tapped the first Pensieve.

The scenes of Harry and Dumbledore filled the screen of their first meeting. People gasp as they realized what the memories they were watching was. Ginny squeezed his hand as they watched Ron being poisoned. The Weasely's cried at the memory but Harry sat stoically next to Ginny. The closer it came to Dumbledore's death the more tense he became. He knew they would have to stop for lunch after those scenes after the funeral. He hoped that Ginny would still be beside him as he relived it yet again.

He watched helplessly as he forced Dumbledore to drink the potion. As the scene progressed He silently let the tears fall down his cheek. Ron and Hermione from time to time would look over at him staring at the scenes. Deep down they would all know his nightmares by the time this was all thru. Ginny said nothing but merely held his hand.

Harry visibly was shaking as the scene of Dumbledore's death played. They all gasp at the memory of Bill's attacked form lying in the bed. They all cried again at the headmasters funeral. Then the seen of Harry breaking it off with Ginny played and silently Harry tapped the pensieve not bothering to look at anyone. Bill and Charlie looked angry enough to kill at Harry before storming out followed by Percy. George slowly followed to calm them down.

"They are mad at me." Harry said in a very low voice. Ginny had to strain to hear what he said.

"Harry it's not your fault they are angry. I never told them when you did. They assumed it was some time later through a letter. I never told them differently. It's my fault they are mad."

Molly watched as her daughter tried to calm Harry down. She smiled wryly at the pair. She hoped that this young couple would get this all straightened out. It was clear to her that her daughter needed him as much as he needed her.

"Gin, I've got to go try to explain. You don't have to follow if you don't want too." Harry said.

"I'm going you might need some one if only to hold your hand."

Harry walked outside the small room followed by Ginny who still held his hand. Ron and Hermione followed them just in case they were needed. As they entered a small parlor on the second floor Harry stopped short as the three oldest Weasely's turned to glare red faced in his direction. Bill looked down to notice that Ginny was holding his hand and only glared harder as he spoke.

"Let go of her hand Harry. You don't deserve her after you abandoned her like that. She needed you that day."

Harry tried to let go but Ginny held on tighter. "Harry don't listen to them. They are wrong. You deserve so much more than me." She said quietly in his ear.

Bill walked over angrily and yanked Harry's hand away from Ginny's roughly. "I said get your hand off of her." He snarled thru his gritted teeth.

Ginny was stunned she had never known Bill to be as aggressive towards Harry before.

"None of you understand. I'm trying to show you. You just don't understand." Harry said in a breaking voice.

"Oh and what does his Royal Highness deem that we are unable to understand? Maybe our feeble minds can't understand that of the Great Harry Potter." Charlie said scathingly.

"Charlie stop." George said.

"We already know you are on his side George so you just stay out of it." Percy said.

Harry couldn't take the pressure any longer with all the strength he could muster he stepped further into the room willing himself to say what he had to say with out tears.

"You don't understand that I broke it off with her to save her. Not only because she would be targeted like I told her but for more important reasons."

Bill and Charlie looked even more angry. Percy looked confused.

"What could those possibly be?" Bill asked with an icy tone.

"I didn't expect to survive the war. I just didn't I knew about the prophecy and was sure by the end of it I would be dead. If I was still together with Ginny I would have promised her that I'd return to her. I would try to alleviate her worry as much as I could have. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't make her a promise that I was so sure at the time I couldn't keep. My only thought was that if we weren't together and she didn't have that promise it would be easier for her to get over my death. I know it doesn't make any sense to you. But I love her to much to hold on to her when I didn't think I would return to her. I know that it sounds incredibly selfish and stupid but I just wanted to do what I could do to ease her heart and mind when what I thought at the time was going to happen did." Harry said as he started to sob. Hermione and Ron ran over to their friend.

"Harry let's go upstairs and get you lying down for a bit. You need to rest for a little while." Hermione said as Ron shot his oldest brothers a dirty look. Hermione put her arm around Harry and helped him walk out of the room.

"Hermione can you handle him for a while I'm going to deal with my wayward brothers if George and Ginny will let me help." Ron asked. Hermione simply nodded. As Ron closed the door to the parlor behind him the door of the pensieve room opened and stunned people finally made their way out. Arthur seeing a weeping Harry ran over to give Hermione a hand at getting Harry up the stairs.

"Was it that bad?" he asked.

"Yes it was. Bill and Charlie was just so cruel. George tried to calm them down before we got there but it didn't help." Hermione said as they put Harry in his bed. Quietly Hermione sat next to the bed and after reassuring her that Molly would be up shortly to check on him Arthur went down to deal with his children. He had never been more furious at his oldest children in his life. Molly was waiting for him outside of the Parlor. Inside they could hear a few shouts from various members of their family. Fleur stood next to Molly looking as angry as Arthur felt.

"I have found out from Hermione that it was Bill, Charlie and Percy that was angry at Harry. George had merely went to try and calm them down but failed to do so. We also know that Ginny and Ron was not angry with him as they were by his side for most of the argument." Arthur said in a steely voice.

Molly and Fleur nodded in agreement. Arthur quickly pulled the door open and allowed the two ladies to enter the room before slamming the door behind him causing every one to jump. What ever the occupants of the room was going to say died in their throats at the angry look their father gave them. Molly looked questionably at Arthur and he simply nodded at her. She cleared her throat and more calmly than she felt said "George, Ron, Ginny you three may leave. Ron, Hermione is currently sitting with Harry while he rests. Please tell her I will be up as soon as I can. Ginny please have Poppy check him over. George please watch over those two."

With three choruses of Yes Mum they were out the door. Arthur turned back to the three men who had shrunk into the woodwork as much as possible.

"You three sit down now." he said in a voice that the boys had never heard their father use. They quickly sat down looking at their feet.

"I have never before felt so ashamed of you three nor so angry. I can not believe that you would put his life in so much jeopardy over something that happened over a year ago. Something that is between your sister and Harry. Don't you dare give me that she is your little sister. She is my daughter. If she can forgive Harry who am I to hold it against him. I don't know how you're going to do but you better figure out how to make this a whole lot better in a hurry. Molly Do you have anything else to add?" Arthur said firmly.

Molly looked at her three boys. She had never been so shocked by their behavior. Even the twins had never done such a thing. She took a deep breath hoping she wouldn't cry before she was done.

"Your father and I did not raise you to be so ungrateful unforgiving selfish spoiled brats. Harry didn't have to share this story with any of us. But he decided that we deserved to know what this war was about. I know you love your sister but it's time to grow up. She has. She is older than her age. She has seen as much as we have and even more. She needs Harry as much as he needs her if not more. Do you even realize how much you have hurt her? You say you love her. If you love her you wouldn't hurt her like this. Did you look her in the eyes before she left? Couldn't you see the pain you caused?" Molly said as a single tear fell.

"Mum We didn't hurt her Harry did. Over a year ago and he is doing it again." Bill said defensively.

"Non Beel. Your zizter has been hurt by you more than by 'arry. He vas at least more honest even if not completely with her than you. He vas trying to keep her from 'urting in the long run vhile you have been trying to keep her a leetle girl. She isn't a leetle girl any longer. She loves him like you love me. Like your parent's love each ozzer. I have never known you to be zo cruel. Beel you vill be sleeping on the couch unteel you vix this." Fleur said angrily.

Molly and Fleur silently left the room as Arthur began his tirade again. They made their way up to the bedroom where Poppy was just exiting.

"Poppy how is he?"

"Physically he's the same Emotionally he is a mess. He's curled up in a ball crying his eyes out. I don't mean any disrespect to you or Arthur but I'd love to get my hands on those boys of yours."

"Poppy you go right ahead and have your turn." Molly said as she passed the healer to enter Harry's room. She could hear a familiar voice inside talking soothingly to Harry. Quietly Molly opened the door allowing Fleur and herself to enter almost unnoticed. Hermione looked up from where she was watching Ginny talking to Harry. Molly fought the tears back as she watched his agonizing pain cover his face in tears.

"Harry they were wrong. I know they were. You did it because you love me. Please calm down. It's ok Harry." Ginny said rubbing his back in soothing circles.

Poppy could hear Arthur yelling at the three men in the parlor as she approached. She had never felt so angry with anyone. She knocked loudly on the door. She waited impatiently for the door to be opened by a very red faced Arthur. He ushered her in and inquired about Harry.

"Physically he is as he has been but emotionally he is almost as bad as he was just after the battle. From what I have gathered from talking with George Harry has been reliving the battle again in his dreams. When I left he had curled into what is known as a fetal position crying hysterically. Ginny can't even calm him if it continues I will have to give him a potion to knock him out. I've never seen him this bad and I have seen him in some bad shape." she said before turning on the three men sitting still staring at the floor.

"How dare you put his recovery in danger? Do you ever use your brains before speaking? Your little tantrum might have just pushed him to far to be reached. I just hope for your sakes that that isn't the truth. Now if you will excuse me I really must report to Minerva. I was standing next to her when George came for me."

Poppy stormed out of the room. Arthur looked at his sons with sadness and anger. How these three could have said such horrible things was beyond him. It was a half an hour later when a quiet knock broke them from their revere. Arthur opened the door to find a teary eyed Ron. He opened the door and Ron buried his face into his fathers robes.

"Ron what's wrong?" Arthur said deeply concerned.

"It's Harry. He stopped crying but he won't talk to anyone. He just stares at the ceiling. Mum is sobbing. Ginny is inconsolable. I don't know what to do Dad. I wanted to stay but I couldn't stand it anymore."

"I know son. I know. Why don't you go down to the dining room and I'll go check on your mother. You three had best be deciding on a plan of action. And it had best include a very sincere apology."

Arthur led his youngest son out and down the stairs where he found Andromeda and asked her to sit with Ron. She nodded and put her arm around the young mans shoulder. George soon joined them. Teddy happily played on the floor unaware in front of them.

Arthur entered Harry's bed room quietly and put his arms around his sobbing wife. Ginny had laid down next to Harry and placed her head on his chest. Tears flowed down her cheeks. Hermione sat next to Fleur crying also.

"Hermione Ron is down in the dining room with Andromeda. He's quite upset."

Hermione nodded and slipped out of the room as she went down the stairs she ran into Bill, Charlie and Percy heading up towards Harry's room. She tried not to say much more than she had too. But managed to say "Don't you dare hurt him more. Just don't you dare." She continued to run down the stairs. Ron looked up as she entered.

"how is he?" Ron said loudly causing everyone to turn towards her.

"He isn't crying but he refuses to look or talk to anyone. Bill, Charlie and Percy were heading up there. I think they plan on apologizing. Hopefully Ginny will let them. Ron he looks so lost. So vulnerable." she said running into his arms.

Minerva shook her head as tears fell down her face. She felt helpless. It was an unusual feeling she usually knew exactly what to do in any situation to help her students. She wished she could take the pain away that the young man was feeling.

Bill knocked on the door and waited nervously for some one to answer. Slowly the door opened far enough for them to see their mothers face.

"Mum we came to apologize and try to help." Bill said.

Molly opened the door and sent a furious Ginny down to the Dining room. Ginny wanted to argue but she knew it wouldn't work. She soon joined Ron, Hermione, and George in their worry.

"Harry I need to apologize. I never thought about what I was saying I just reacted to what I saw. And I was wrong. I should have waited and asked you later why you did that not accusing you like that. I hope that someday you will forgive me." Bill said before moving beside his wife who merely nodded at him. He knew she hadn't fully forgiven him and he would be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future but he had started making amends.

Charlie stepped up and shuddered at the sight of Harry. He cleared his throat and with a weak voice said "Harry I just want to tell you I'm sorry for being the worlds biggest prat. I spoke to you with so much disrespect that I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. But I hope you do someday."

Percy stepped up right away and spoke "Harry I was wrong as well. You comforted me when I needed it most and I repaid you by treating you like you were a monster. I never meant it. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I can't find the words to describe it." As he spoke he fell to his knees sobbing.

No one moved or spoke. Harry slowly turned his head and on seeing Percy sat up and put his arms around Percy and cried with him. Bill and Charlie slowly joined them. It seemed like hours that they remained that way. Soon the tears ebbed and Harry and Percy were on their feet. Harry wasn't saying much but at least he was moving.

"Let's go get some lunch Harry. Then if you are up to it we can continue the story." Arthur said leading the group out. Harry simply nodded. Every one smiled when they saw Harry joining them. They couldn't help but notice that he wasn't saying a word to anyone. But the fact that he was up and eating gave the group hope. Petunia took the opportunity to prod Harry to eat more and try and soothe him. He even melted into her when she hugged him. Molly smiled at the woman who was so obviously trying to make amends.

After they ate they sat and talked some about the memories they had saw. Harry didn't say a word but simply stared at his Godson who was slowly turning red and was on the verge of crying. As the first cry hit the air Harry quickly rose beating Andromeda to the crying baby. He picked Teddy up and surprising the room started talking to the crying baby. Soon the cries stopped. Slowly he put Harry back into the portable crib that they had set up and rejoined the table. He started to join in the conversation explaining some of the more difficult to understand memories.

"Well shall we return to the memories of this past year?" Harry asked. Every one nodded and got up. He let the group up to the Memory room and after taking Ginny's hand again started the memories.

The memories started at the Dursley's with Harry arguing with them about them leaving. Everyone laughed at the memory of Vernon trying to put the luggage with the weights in them in the boot of the car. Even Vernon had to laugh at it. The Dursleys though looked a bit uncomfortable and worried. They knew that when these people saw how they had treated Harry everyone would be angry with them.

In the memories Harry had just reminded Dudley of the dementors. They all watched as the family said their goodbyes. Vernon looked down in shame at his behavior. Seeing it from Harry's perspective made it all the more real and shameful for him. He had known he was wrong but he never thought about how it affected the boy. Several shocked gasps where heard through out the little tour Harry did with Hedwig. Soon the order arrived and they watched as they transformed and took off. Harry turned his head as he listened to himself begging Hagrid to go back to help the others. He heard his agonizing scream as Hedwig was hit by the killing curse.

He looked back to see himself recognize Stan and then looked in shock as Voldemort arrived. He shook with anger and fear as he watched himself fight with Riddle and then dive towards the earth. Ginny rubbed his hands as Hermione put her arm around his shoulders. They all watched as Harry waited with Molly and Ginny for his friends to all arrive. They watched as they all started to arrive. As the scenes played Harry drew his legs to him and hugged them closer to him. Ron watched his best friend. He knew that this hurt Harry more than any of them. He looked up to see Charlie watching Harry with a strange look on his face. Charlie wasn't angry in fact he was feeling more sorrow for Harry than any of the other losses they had faced. For the first time since the battle he saw past his own pain in losing his brother and friends and saw the hurt of a young man who had faced something that looking at the memories He wasn't ready for.

After the scene of Harry defending everyone there it fast forwarded to his birthday. Ginny smiled as she remembered their last kiss before he left. She watched in fury as she watched Ron yell at Harry over it. Watched in shock at Harry telling Ron that it wouldn't happen again. Ginny looked over at Molly who had noticed the tear in Harry's eye in the memory that went unnoticed by Ron and Hermione at the time. After that it sped up to the wedding and the stories about Dumbledore and then to the escape.

Everyone sat transfixed to the screen as they watched them stun the men in the café. Petunia cried as Harry found the letter to Sirius from Lily. They watched as Kreacher told his tale. Andromeda looked on with tears in her eyes at the knowledge that in the end her cousin had changed enough to know that Riddle wasn't the man he thought he was. They watched as Kreacher returned with Mundungus. They laughed as Kreacher smacked the thief in the head with a pan and begged to do it again. They smiled as Harry told him that he could if they needed him too. Arthur looked on in pride as the house elf changed towards the trio. Everyone watched as the trio planned their infiltration of the ministry. Several gasps were heard when they watched who turned into who.

Arthur looked at the Harry in awe as he heard Runcorn warning him. He felt a tug at his heart at the realization that Harry had tried to warn him for his family's safety. Percy watched as Harry entered the court room and with Hermione's help stunned Umbridge and Yaxley and managed to get all the muggle borns out of the courtroom. They all watched as they fought to get them all out of the ministry. Shock filled the room as they were discovered and escaped. Fear gripped them as they apperated to Grimmauld place and then again to a secluded wooded area. Molly sobbed as she watched Hermione work on healing Ron. Harry watched as the mood in the camp changed. They listened to Griphook and the others discuss how things were going in the outside world. They listened to the tale of Ginny and the others breaking into the headmasters office. Everyone felt a pang of anger as Ron left the group. They listened as Hermione cried night after night.

Ron watched mournfully as Harry and Hermione went to Godrics Hollow. He cried as his best friend finally saw his parents graves and a gain at the sight of his house. He sat stunned as the fight with Nagini started gasp as Harry was bit and sighed with relief when they escaped. He was afraid of what was coming next. He watched as Harry followed the doe then as he dove into the icy water. He then watched with pride as he saved Harry from drowning. He hid his face as Harry opened the horacrux and it taunted him. He looked again to see himself stab it. Then he watched as Hermione attacked him when he returned with Harry.

Harry tapped the pensieve and sat in silence for a few minutes. Then after a deep breath he asked if there was any questions. No one spoke and He figured they all needed some time. He slowly led them all down for Dinner. Dinner was a quiet affair. Harry tried to make small talk as they ate but failed miserably.

Charlie finally cleared his throat and gathered all of his courage.

"Harry, Why are you showing us all of this? I mean it has to be really hard for you."

"I am showing you all of this because you deserve to know what you all were fighting for and this is a major part of it. I want you all to see that we weren't running away. Or avoiding anything. I guess some of it is selfish of me but I want you all to see what I went through. I just want you to understand."

"Harry that doesn't sound selfish to me. I think seeing everything. Knowing the whole story will help me understand what happened over the year. There is so much of it I don't understand and I want too." Charlie said.

Harry nodded as he stood up and led them back for more memories. Ginny sat down next to Harry again and took his hand into hers. They weren't back together yet but she was determined to make sure he knew that she wasn't going to leave him. Harry tapped the pensieve again

They watched what happened to the Trio. In horror they watched them being captured by the snatchers. They watched with despair as Draco tried not to identify them. They watched Harry and Ron being taken to the dungeons. They saw Ron go crazy trying to get to Hermione while she was being tortured. Hermione sat staring with tears flowing freely down her face. Ron put his arms around her and softly whispered comforting words to her. Harry again had brought his knees up beneath his chin and was hugging them to him. He buried his face in his knees. Ginny slowly rubbed circles on his back while trying to hold his hand too. Molly and Arthur looked over to see what the small sounds were coming from. Molly cried when she saw the three friends. Every one in the room was in shock. They knew it had been bad for the trio but they had no idea it was as horrifying as what they were seeing.

The house elves sat at the back of the room. Harry had called all of them in including Kreacher to see their tale. They watched with pride as Dobby saved them all and with a few tears as they watched him stabbed as he saved the trio. Harry rocked back and forth slowly as tears fell. Ginny hugged him tighter as he continued to cry.

The room watched as Harry worked on the screen to bury the house elf. Kreacher looked at his now distraught master and bowed his head ashamed at how he had treated him in the past. How could he have misjudged him so badly. He hurried over followed by the rest of the house elves and threw his arms around his master crying with him. Everyone in the room watched in awe of the spectacle. They had never seen anything like it.

As the scene changed to show them in Bill and Fleur's home and into a bedroom with Griphook they listened in shock as the trio came up with a plan. They watched in awe as the trio broke into Gringotts and got the cup. They watched in horror at the melting gold that burnt them. In Awe they watched them escape on the back of the dragon. Charlie looked at the trio with pride.

Suddenly the room got ominously quiet as the trio arrived in hogsmeade. Harry curled further into a ball as they entered the room of requirement through the tunnel. They silently as they watched Harry stun the Carrow in the Ravenclaw common room defending Professor McGonagall. They watched in horror as the battle began.

Harry could hear the Weasely's sobbing as Fred fell. He could feel the sobs of those around him as the break was called. He looked up to see himself walking into the headmasters office. He watched as the room became aware of what the memories from Snape meant. They watched as Harry walked out of the castle saw him flinch as he passed Ginny. They held back tears as Harry's family promised to stay with him until the end. They failed to hold back the tears as they watched Harry fall from the killing curse in the forest. They all listened to Dumbledore explain what happened and sighed as Harry chose to return. Andromeda cried as she watched her sister lie to save Harry's life. They watched as Neville fought the flaming hat and killed Nagini.

Ginny watched in awe as Harry tried to make his way to save her from Bellatrix only to be beat by Mrs. Weasely. They watched as he threw the shield up to protect Molly. They watched as Harry dueled with Voldemort and watched as he fell. Harry tapped the pensieve. No one spoke or moved. Tears fell out of many eyes. Harry leaned back and closed his eyes fighting his own tears.

Finally Harry moved. He shakily stood up and started to leave the room. Ginny stood beside him and put her arms around him to support him as they walked. Slowly the rest started to follow him. He led them to the parlor where the house elves were going to serve tea before everyone went to bed.

Molly was the first one to find her voice. "After everything you all went thru it is amazing that you three survived. I am so proud of you all."

"You went through more than we did at Hogwarts." Ginny said quietly.

"Ginny please don't think we are trivializing what you went thru this year. I just wanted you all to know what happened. That is all." Harry said sounding exhausted.

"Harry I had a question. When we had our fight today you told us that you didn't think you would survive the war. But according to the memory you didn't find out about having to die until Professor Snape gave you the memories. I don't understand how what you told us during our fight is true. Could you clear that up for me?" Charlie asked.

"Charlie you really should…" Molly started but was interrupted by Harry.

"No Mrs. Weasely Charlie has asked a very good question and deserves to be answered. Charlie let me clear that up for you. When I broke up with Ginny I did not know that I was going to have to die to end this war. However I felt that I wasn't trained enough to take him on. I felt that I would most likely die trying to finish him. My one concern was not making a promise that I didn't know I could keep. After I watched Professor Snape's memories I felt that I had done the right thing. At the time I didn't know I would be given a choice. I thought that if I died it would be permanent. Does that answer your Question?"

"Yes Harry Thank you." Charlie said honestly.

"Harry may I ask you a question?" Petunia asked.

"Of course Aunt Petunia."

"How did you manage to walk to your death? I don't understand how you could just sacrifice yourself like that. Also I'd still like to know how you can forgive us for how we treated you?" She said. Every one turned to watch Harry answer the question.

"Aunt Petunia I will try to answer your questions as honestly as I can. I can't really explain how I managed except that I knew what I had to do. Once I saw the memories I left the headmasters office and put my invisibility cloak on and kept it on until I was in the forest. If I had been seen and had to talk to anyone I would have not been brave enough to keep going. So I just kept moving not looking at anyone except for the brief moment I saw Ginny. I know that doesn't clear it up but it's all I have." Harry said looking into her eyes.

Petunia nodded and then silently waited for the answer to her second question. Harry did not make her wait long. After taking a deep breath he continued.

"As for why I can forgive you for your treatment to myself that's easy. My mum would have. I can't hold on to the anger and resentment. It would eat me from the inside out. I have enough stuff that does that. I fought in this war to fight prejudice. What we all need is to be a witness that we can change the world with our own actions. I chose to forgive you because I don't want the hostilities to continue. Aunt Petunia you are the only living reminder of my mum I have left I can't lose her again. I'm not strong enough for it. And truth be told we need each other." Harry said turning his head trying to hide the tears that were falling.

Petunia said nothing but pulled her nephew in her arms hugging him closely. Vernon joined them hugging them both. Dudley didn't know what to do so he just patted Harry on the back. No one moved or spoke. After a few minutes the group broke up and Harry announced that it was getting late and if anyone wanted to stay over they were more than welcome to stay again.

Every one quietly went up to their rooms. Kingsley took a few moments to fire call his office to tell them to tell everyone that he would be in an important meeting away from the ministry again the next day. The house soon fell silent as everyone fell into fitful slumber.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Molly woke with the sun as she always did and after a very quick shower she dressed and went down to the dining room. As she entered the room she saw a thin tired looking figure sitting at the table staring into his cup of tea. Slowly she approached him. He didn't look up as he spoke.

"Good morning I hope I didn't wake you."

"No Harry I never can sleep much past daybreak any how. How are you?" Molly asked pouring herself some tea.

"I don't know. I am hanging in there but sometimes I don't know why."

"Harry it's ok to be confused. A lot of things has happened. I wish I knew how to help you."

"I know you do. I wish that I could wake up tomorrow and just feel ok."

They finished their tea in silence waiting for the rest to join them for breakfast. Slowly the room filled with sleepy people. After breakfast he led them up to the memory room again.

"Today I will be using my emotion pensieve. While using this you will feel a very small portion of what I've been feeling. I am using this so you can understand not only what we have went through but why I've been as weak as I have been. I realize that I am doing this after Madame Pomfrey said it was to dangerous but this is the only way for you to understand. She told me that this might kill me. As much as I would like to talk to you all individually I doubt time would allow me to say everything that I need to say. I want to Thank Ron and Hermione for being the best friends I could ever have. Thank you to the Weasely's for being my family when my own couldn't. Thank you to my Family the Dursley's for being there for me today. And to the rest of you Thank you for supporting me and fighting with me. I love you all." Harry said quickly hugging each person.

"I am going to start this just after the battle and leave it go until now. It should all be over by lunch." Harry said with a calmness that most found a bit disturbing. Hermione couldn't handle it anymore with out a word she ran out of the room sobbing. Ron quickly followed giving Harry a grim smile of support. Slowly after announcing that he would be back he followed his two best friends out of the room. Molly and Arthur also left the room quietly. They couldn't sit there and wait. As they approached the door they could hear Hermione starting to raise her shaky voice. Molly shivered at the tone of the girls voice.

"I don't understand. Why would you put your life in so much danger again?"

"Hermione it is the only way for you all to understand what has been happening to me."

"Harry what is happening to you to listen to you one would think that you hope it does kill you!' Hermione said angrily.

Harry felt a rage that he had never felt before. He felt exposed to the world by her statements. He stood up and walked slowly to stare out of the window. He tried to calm himself before he spoke. After a few minutes he managed to be able to respond.

"Maybe I do have a death wish. I'm tired Hermione. I've never been so tired. Of so many things at one time. I'm tired of the pain and the memories. I'm tired of fighting a battle that I'm not sure I'm ever going to win. I'm tired of losing everyone and everything I love the most. I've tried to move on but I'm stuck where I was two months ago. For every one step forward I take I take two leaps back. I can't take it any more. But if this can help me somehow for all of you to know what I've been dealing with in my own head what other choice do I have? Hermione this is my last chance. I know it and if you think about it you know it too." Harry said turning to look at her.

"I'm sorry Harry for reacting like that. It's just that I don't want to lose you." Hermione said.

"Hermione I just don't know what to do anymore. I know it hurts you to hear this but I would much prefer death to barely living like I am now. In the past ten months some how I've lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore." Harry said sadly.

"Well lets go find you Harry." Hermione said drumming what courage she had left.

Molly and Arthur quickly went back into the room with the others to wait for Harry and the others. A few minutes later Harry entered the room followed with a stoic Hermione and a nervous Ron. He was just about to tap the pensieve when Emboro popped into the room.

"Master Harry I apologize for interrupting but a Mr. Rushnack has arrived along with the Malfoys. They have demanded to see you at once."

Harry sighed heavily. "Please have Rushnack wait for me in the office. I shall be right down to speak with him. Also take the Malfoy's to the Library and offer them some refreshments and tell them I will be there shortly Thank you."

"As you wish Master Harry."

"I'm sorry but some business has came up that I really must see too. I'll try to finish up quickly." Harry turned to leave again frustrated. All of sudden he heard screaming coming from down the stairs and doors slamming open. As he approached the door it slammed open and he stood face to face with an irate Lucous Malfoy followed by his wife and son quietly behind him.

"POTTER, I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY WE CAN'T ENTER MALFOY MANNER. I WANT ANSWERS NOW." Lucious snarled angrily in Harry's face. Harry met his glare and surprised everyone by keeping his own temper.

"Mr. Malfoy I do believe that you have forgotten your place. You will do well in the future that when you are here. You are a guest in my home and as such you will treat me and anyone present with respect that is due them. Now I do believe that I have instructed you to wait for me in the Library. Emboro please take our guests to the Library." Harry said in a deadly quiet voice.

Without a word the small house elf led the three to the library and Harry angrily stalked out of the room. Everyone looked at each other in awe of what they had just witnessed. Several voiced their concern about Harry having a meeting with known death eaters. Andromeda listened while lost in thought. Slowly she pulled the memory out from where she had hid it.

"Oh my word. I know why he has that meeting."

Everyone turned to look at her expectantly.

"If Sirius made him his heir he is now the head of the Black family. In our family's marriage agreements it should state that in the event of the husbands disgrace or arrest that he would lose the headship of his house. That means Harry is now the head of the Malfoy family. Oh dear. Poor Harry."

"Are you sure?" Kingsley asked hoping that was it secretly. After all he would hate to think that Harry was turning dark after everything.

"Yes I'm positive. They must be here to get things settled on living arrangements. As they wouldn't be allowed into the Manor until given permission by Harry."

Harry had spent ten minutes with the Goblin before leading him into the Library where the Malfoys were angrily drinking their tea.

"I gather you all are here to figure out your housing situation. I have decided that for the time being you will be permitted to stay at Spinners End."

"What about the Manor? Why can't we just go home?" demanded Lucious.

"Mr. Malfoy if you were listening I said for the time being. Until we can clean your manor of all dark objects and ensure your safety there you will be staying at Spinners End. I would not be so cruel as to keep you from your home. But as the head of your family as such it is my responsibility to ensure your safety."

"Why would we be in danger?" the man asked calmer than before.

"If you have not forgotten that your wife did lie to the dark lord about my supposed death. I'm sure that did not please many of your friends or collegues. As the dark lord and his followers often gathered their they would know how to get in. As soon as it is safe you will be moved home. Now on to other matters. I want you to know that I do not want a dime of your money. Your vault will remain your vault. How ever you will have an overseer for a time to ensure that you do not purchase any dark objects. Any questions so far?" Harry asked in a very business like fashion.

The Malfoy's shook their heads a little shocked at Harry's behaviour. They thought that with this they would have lost everything.

"Next thing I would like to say is that I will be a witness for you Narcissa and Draco. I will do all that I can to keep you both out of Azkaban. Lucious I can only say that I will try to keep them from throwing the keys away for you. I believe that there is hope for all three of you to change your ways. Now if there is nothing more I do need to go back up to my guests."

After a few farewells Harry rushed back up the stairs. He reentered the room and smiled at the assembled room. "Well shall we get this over with." he said as everyone took their seats again. He tapped the pensieve and it began to play. He watched as pain and guilt swept over the crowd in the beginning then as it changed to depression to hopelessness. Then the scene of Ginny breaking up with him played and everyone changed again to guilt and pain and a sense of worthlessness filled them. Finally after several hours he tapped it again feeling exhausted. No one moved for a few minutes. A few stared at Harry in shock that he had survived this long. Ginny was angry. Deep down she felt as all of this was just another ploy to make her feel guilty and take him back. Suddenly she couldn't bare to be in the same room as him. She stood up pulled her hand free and ran out of the room leaving Harry staring at the floor. Ron and Hermione quickly followed her. They entered the parlor across the hall to find her clenching her fists and pacing.

"How could he do that to me? You know that was just a ploy to make me feel guilty and take him back. Well it won't work."

"Ginny he wouldn't do that. He was looking for help. He thought that if we all could feel a little of what he has been feeling maybe some one could help him. Honestly Ginny it had nothing to do with you." Hermione reasoned with her. It did nothing to abate Ginny's anger.

"You're his friend first of course you would defend him."

"Gin look yes we are defending him but why should we have to defend the man you love to you of all people?" Ron said slowly getting angry himself.

Harry had finally started to move. He felt as if the world had stopped turning and all the pressure was on his shoulders. Slowly he left the room of stunned people to search for Ginny. He didn't have to go far before he heard the three voices in the parlor. He opened the door but no one noticed as Ron asked the question to Ginny.

"I DON"T LOVE HIM. I HATE HIM NOW." she yelled even though she knew it was a lie.

Ron and Hermione whipped around at the gasp they heard only to see a whirl of black hair streak out of the room. Ron and Hermione ran after him and screamed his name causing the room across from them to burst open and people to flood out. Ron and Hermione sped up the stairs to the third floor following Harry.

Harry was standing on his balcony barely able to hold himself up when Ron and Hermione reached him. He seemed in shock no tears were falling his eyes had turned a deadened green shade. Harry slid to his trembling knees as Ron tried to catch him.

"Hermione go get Madame Pomfrey. I'm going to put him in his bed." Ron said lifting his best friend up and sweeping him into the room. He quickly put Harry in his bed and removed his trainers. "Come on Harry stay with me. Don't you dare leave me. You hear me. Mate we need you around here. She didn't mean it. She was just shocked by it all. Merlin knows we all were."

Hermione swept down the stairs searching for the healer. She was starting to panic when she heard the voices coming from the parlor they had just ran out of. Ginny was trying to answer the barrage of questions that her family and friends were asking. She knew what ever was happening was her fault she should have kept her temper. Ginny looked up to see a tearful Hermione scanning the room. Hermione was looking desperately afraid to use her voice. Finally she realized she had no choice.

"Madame Pomfrey where are you?" Hermione yelled near hysterics.

"Hermione what is wrong?" Molly asked rushing to the distraught girls side.

"I need Madame Pomfrey upstairs. Harry" Hermione could say no more as she dissolved into more tears. Madame Pomfrey rushed out of the room followed by Minerva. They went upstairs and as they entered the room listened to Ron talk to Harry.

"Harry please mate you have to stay with us." Ron said with tears falling from his eyes.

"Ron let me in I'll examine him." Poppy said kindly. Minerva took Ron gently by the shoulder and led him to the end of the bed where they watched the nurse run the spell. "I'm sorry Ron He has slipped into a magical coma. It looks like what I feared would happen has. I don't understand it though He was fine right after it."

"Ron did something happen after the pensieve?" Minerva asked gently.

"He over heard an argument Hermione and I was having with Ginny. She said she didn't love him and she hated him now. But I know she didn't mean it. She was just angry and scared and confused."

"I'm sure she didn't. Well we should go down and let the others know." Minerva said as she pulled Ron out the door with her. Slowly they made their way down to the parlor. Upon entering the room it fell silent as every eye turned to them.

"Harry has fallen into a magical coma. We don't know when or if he will ever come out of it. I guess everything was just to much for the young man." Minerva said sadly.

Hermione stood up and walked to the window. She stared at the flowers dancing in the breeze. Her heart ached as she thought of Harry.

"He was so tired. We've been losing him for some time now. Slowly he was leaving us. This was his last chance. He knew it was." Hermione said to no one in particular.

"He's not gone Hermione you have to believe that. He's still here. He's going to come back" Ron said gripping her by the shoulders. Everyone in the room except Ginny turned to watch the two distraught teens comfort each other. Ginny took the chance and escaped the room that was slowly closing in on her. She quickly ran up the stairs to Harry's room. Madame Pomfrey looked up as she entered the room. Ginny looked at the raven haired boy that despite her words before that she still loved more than anything. Slowly she walked over to his bedside and sat down on the edge.

"I did this to him. I was so selfish. It had nothing to do with me I was just so angry that it took him this long to tell us all of this. I'd give anything to be able to take those words back. I didn't mean them." She said her eyes never leaving Harry's face.

Molly noticed that her daughter had left and quietly slipped out behind her. As she neared his room she could hear Ginny talking to the healer that was still with him. She stayed in the doorway waiting for their conversation to end.

"He knows deep down dear that you didn't mean what you said. He just pushed way to hard on himself. He knew this could happen. I warned him two days ago that this could happen. I'm sure your words didn't help the situation but it isn't the sole reason he is laying here right now." the healer said putting her arm around the distraught girl.

"What can I do to help him?"

"Talk to him, hold his hand and most of all love him. This is a magical Coma. It's different than your injury induced coma. You see he put to much strain on his Magical core and it has shut down completely to heal. It may take days or months or in the worst case years to heal itself. We will have to help him do exercises to keep his limbs limber for when he does wake up."

"You mean you don't think this is permanent?"

"I don't want to give you false hope but I think with time and lots of love that yes there is a good possibility that he will wake up. He may not be like he was even before the war for a while because all of his depression. It isn't just going to go away."

Ginny sat and thought for quite a while without saying a word. Molly was just about to enter the room when Ginny spoke again.

"Could you show me what to do? I want to help him."

"Yes of course. Ginny I believe that if any of us can bring him back it's going to be you. I've watched Mr. Potter for years and one thing I know is true as sure as I'm standing here He loves you."

"I'll do everything I can to help him." Ginny said trying not to cry.

"We all will" Molly said as she entered the room. Ginny looked up to see her mother's loving face and ran throwing her arms around her and sobbed on her shoulder. Molly held her daughter tightly as she cried her own tears. Poppy slipped past the mother and daughter and made her way down the stairs. Soon Molly and Ginny broke apart and went to sit next to the bed.

"Mum he looks at peace finally. I'm sorry Mum I didn't mean what I said."

"I know you didn't sweet heart and I know that he will forgive you when he wakes up." Molly said as they slipped into a silent vigil for a while.

Poppy entered the parlor which was eerily quiet feeling more tired than she had since right after the battle was over. She found a seat and watched the faces around her. She could see the hopelessness and the pain in all of the faces. Sighing she finally decided to speak.

"If I could have all of your attention Please. I do believe we do need to discuss Harry." Poppy said loudly. Everyone turned to her with rapt attention. "Harry has fallen into a magical coma. Now for those of you that do not know what that is. He put to much strain on his Magical core and it has shut down completely to heal. It may take days or months or in the worst case years to heal itself. Now as I've explained to Miss Weasely and Molly we will have to help him do exercises to keep him limber for when he wakes up. I can not guarantee that he will wake but I do believe with all the love and support that he will do so. But we are going to have to work together."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and took a collective deep breath. Everyone else waited for what ever else she had to say.

"Now I realize that most of you know that Ginny said some things that Harry over heard." several people nodded. "I want it made clear to you all that her words did not cause this. Harry knew two days ago that if he went through with this today that this could happen."

Bill cut her off "He knew that this could happen but he did it anyway?"

"Yes Bill he did." Poppy said sighing loudly

"But why?" Charlie asked.

"He was desperate. He couldn't deal with it and he didn't have the words to tell us what he was feeling. He was so tired. Have you ever heard the phrase tired of being sick and tired? Well he was at that point. He's tired of fighting his feelings that he can't control. Tired of fighting to live. He thought that if we could feel what he was feeling maybe we could finally help him get better. It was a risk but one he couldn't back away from. We were losing him a little more everyday. He knew it. I think we all knew it. I guess the final straw was when Ginny broke it off with him. She has always been his anchor to this world. She is what kept him going while we were gone. She gave him something to fight for. Something to live for. Without her I guess he gave up." Hermione said turning again to the window. Then turning back to the room she looked at the healer and asked the question they all wanted answered. "Ok What can we do to help?"

"Visit with him. Talk to him. Tell him about the day. Hold his hand and most of all love him. I don't think any of us will have any trouble with that. He has a way about him that makes everyone love him." Poppy said with a sad smile. "Don't get mad when he doesn't respond. He can't. You see he is there but He's not there. It's like he is in a world all his own that he isn't ready to leave. He hears you He just can't answer you."

Minerva looked at the clock noticing that it was near dinnertime. "well we should all get a bite to eat. We may not feel much like eating but if we plan on getting this young man back on his feet we are going to need our strength."

"I'll go get Molly and Ginny." Arthur said leaving the room quickly. His heart ached as he slowly ascended the stairs to the next floor. He entered the room and cleared his throat before putting his hand on his wife's shoulder. Ginny was sitting close to Harry with her hand in his rubbing his hand with her thumb. He smiled sadly at his wife and squeezed her shoulder as she put her hand on his. They stayed that way for a few moments.

"we are going to have dinner if you would like to join us." he said. Molly stood up and asked Ginny if she was coming.

"No thank you I think I will just stay here with Harry."

"Ok Dear I'll bring you up a sandwich and some thing to drink." Ginny nodded as her parents left the room. Ginny still held his hand and softly spoke to him. She would be strong for him. She would fix her mistake. She wasn't going to give up on him. And she sure wasn't going to let Harry give up anymore.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Dinner that night was very quiet. Everyone ate but barely tasted anything they put in their mouths. Kingsley cleared his throat and announced that he would have to return to work at the ministry the next morning. Minerva agreed that she would have to as well but instructed Poppy to remain there. As they all sat there digesting what had been said they could hear Petunia talking animatedly to her husband even though they could tell he was agreeing with her.

"Vernon, I'm staying here. I have to help him anyway I can. I owe it to him and to Lily. I can't just leave knowing he may never wake up." Petunia said with tears flowing.

"Petunia please I agree with you that you should stay in fact we all will. I will commute to work everyday and return here to help out as well." Vernon said putting a calming hand on her shoulder.

"You mean it?"

"Yes I mean it. After all he has been through we can't loose him now."

"Thank you Vernon Thank you."

Harry was deep in his own mind. For once he didn't feel any of the emotions that filled him over the past two months. He looked around his mind it was such a pretty place. With Green grass and wild flowers growing. As he strolled around looking at everything a figure of a man met him.

"Harry It's good to see you again." the man said.

"Sirius Am I dead or something?"

"No you are not dead. You are in a magical Coma. We can visit you while you are here in your own mind." Sirius said as his parents and Remus and Tonks appeared beside him.

Harry hugged them all and smiled broadly. They led him to a tree where they all sat down so they could have a long discussion.

"Harry we love you so much. We've been watching you and we have been very worried about you." his mother said.

"I'm sorry I've been so weak. But it all just hit me so hard and I wasn't prepared for the aftermath. And I wasn't prepared for Ginny to tell me she loved me then rip it away. She gave me hope. She gave me the will to live."

"Son you are not weak. You have dealt with more than any man your age should ever have to deal with. It is perfectly understandable that you weren't ready to deal with everything." His dad said gently.

"So how long have I been here?"

"Well time stands still here. Out there it could be days or weeks or even years. You won't find out until you leave us." Sirius said.

"Harry we have seen you with Teddy. You are amazing with him and my mum appreciates you so much. And you paid his way to Hogwarts all seven years plus a trust fund. You certainly are more generous than anyone I've ever met." Tonks said with a gleam in her eye.

"Harry I've watched Ginny and you and it is apparent that you both love each other go back to her. Tell her you still love her. Don't give up on your chance to be together." Remus said. "Take it from someone who almost did."

As they continued to talk about everything and nothing he saw Dumbledore, Snape, Fred and Colin all walk towards him. He smiled and waived as they came closer.

"Ah Harry I was not expecting to see you. I cannot help but feel that I am a bit responsible for the situation you find yourself in now. I'm afraid I've made a great many mistakes regarding you." Dumbledore said sadly. Harry quieted him with the raising of his hand.

"Professor, what ever mistakes you have made has been long forgiven. And as for my situation it is all my own doing. I assure you that you have no blame in it."

"Potter how ever did you manage to get into it?" Snape asked surprisingly nicely.

"I don't know how much you know about what happened after the battle."

Those that died at the battle looked a bit confused.

"We don't know much. Dumbledore and Sirius and your parents know but they haven't told us." Remus explained.

"After the battle I had so many emotions that they have been too much for me to deal with. I carry a lot of guilt over everyone who died. And guilt that I got to chose to return when you all didn't. I haven't been able to really talk to anyone. I can't taste what I'm eating when I eat at all. Right after the battle we had a memorial for those lost and that is when I guess I lost it. Since the battle I've faced eight death eaters at once nearly getting killed, attempted to kill my self. And drank myself into a stupor, sobered up only to have the woman I love tell me she needed space."

"You really tried to kill yourself?" Remus asked in shock.

"Yeah but Ginny stopped me." Harry's throat constricted even in that place when he said her name.

"Harry it isn't your fault that we have died. We died fighting with you. I know you feel it was your battle to have fought but we did it freely. And with no fear. You made us proud by going on and finishing him off. And despite how hard it has been for you we are still proud of you. We have watched you try and get better. To tell them your story took incredible strength." Dora told him.

"Harry mate you have to let those guilt feelings go. It's not your fault we died. You have nothing to be ashamed of or guilty of." Fred said putting his arms around him.

"Harry it is time for you to go back to your life. It's time for you to start healing. Since none of us has anything to forgive you for you should forgive yourself. But before you go perhaps you can give some messages for those we left behind." Dumbledore said kindly.

"Harry could you tell Petunia and Vernon for us that we forgive them for how they treated us and you? And tell her that your mother loves her very much. And thank Molly and Arthur thank you for being there for you when you needed them since we couldn't." James said. Tonks quickly spoke "Tell my mother that we are sorry that we died but she is doing a great job with Teddy. Tell her thank you for us."

"Tell George to get the joke shop running. I want to see everyone laughing again. Tell Bill to take care of that wife of his and tell Charlie to hurry up and find one. Tell Ron that I'm proud of him. Tell Percy that I have forgiven him and that I need him to forgive himself and find happiness again. Tell Ginny that I'm ok where I am at and that I love her. Tell Mum and Dad that I love them very much and was always and still am proud to be their son." Fred said.

"Tell Petunia I'm sorry I didn't protect her sister and family as I should have." Snape said. "Oh and potter I'm proud of you."

"Tell my family that I love them and I'll see them again when it's time." Collin said.

"How do I go back?" Harry asked as all the messages was given.

"Harry all you have to do is decide it's time and your magic will do the work for you. Just let your mind go blank and think about going back. Before you go let us tell you goodbye for now and that we love you." his mother said hugging him.

"Take care of yourself son and get better." his dad said wrapping him in a manly embrace. One by one they said goodbye before it all started going black. Slowly his feeling started to return to him and he realized he was merely asleep.

Weeks had passed by. Harry's birthday had come and gone all of his gifts were stored in an unused parlor. The Weasely's all remained as did the Dursley's working on his exercises and talking to him. Arthur and Percy and Bill and Charlie only left to go to work or help at Hogwarts. Ginny worked with Harry everyday on his exercises and talked to him for hours. Slowly August crept upon them and Ginny was almost 17 years old. She didn't feel like celebrating anything. The night before her birthday she just couldn't bring herself to leave his room. She sat on the edge of his bed and stared into his face which started to twitch slightly. She started talking to him more.

"Harry I know you can hear me please come back to me. I miss you so much."

The hours went by but Ginny didn't even notice it was past midnight. She was now a legal adult. As she watched Harry and spoke to him his eyes fluttered open. He looked around before his eyes locked onto Ginny's. Her eyes glistened in tears as she stared into his green eyes.

"Ginny" he said in a raspy voice.

"Harry your awake. You've been in a magical Coma for almost a month. We've been by your side the entire time. I never gave up hope that you would come back."

"Ginny I love you"

"Harry I love you too. I didn't mean what I said when Ron and I were arguing."

"I know"

"I've got to go tell the others. Please try to stay awake."

"I will"

Ginny ran out of the room and down the stairs. Her family were all sitting in the dining room discussing what to do next. Poppy was going to have to leave for the school with in the next two weeks. They all looked up to see Ginny grinning madly as she ran in.

"He's awake. He just woke up." She shouted. Every one jumped up and followed her up the stairs. Poppy almost ran them all over trying to get in the door. Harry giggled slightly as the flustered healer straightened herself out. She rushed over and ran a scan with her wand. She read the magical print out and smiled brightly.

"Harry it seems like you are going to be ok. Now if you will excuse me I will just go inform Minerva and Kingsley. Now you all don't stay here long he needs his rest still." Poppy said smiling.

Harry looked at everyone in awe of the fact that they had stuck it out with him. Molly helped him sit up more and gave him a drink of water. Harry took a deep breath and thought for a split second.

"Would it be possible for me to speak to Molly and Arthur alone for a moment?" He asked kindly. "I'll want to talk to each of you alone so this won't take long I promise."

Every one else left the room confused. Ginny looked back to see Harry smile at her and returned the slight smile as she left the room last.

"Harry are you ok dear?"

"Yes I'm still really tired but I want to talk to everyone first. While I was out I went to this really peaceful place in my own mind where my parents and Sirius and everyone we lost was able to visit me. It was so peaceful there. We talked about what happened during the battle and they told me it wasn't my fault and that they didn't blame me. I know that you all have been telling me this but it was different hearing it from them. It doesn't mean that I am over it all but it did help."

"Did you see Fred?" Molly asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes and he gave me a message to give to you. He asked me to tell you that he loves you both and he was always and still is proud to be your son." Harry said.

Molly sobbed into Arthur's shoulder who sniffled back his own tears. Harry tried to keep his own tears from falling as he continued.

"I also have a message for you from my parents. Mum and Dad wanted be to tell you Thank you for being there for me when they couldn't." He said with tears flowing. Molly looked at Harry and threw her arms around him and allowed him to cry on her shoulder. Slowly he calmed down and after a few minutes of talking asked if Bill and Fleur and Charlie could be sent in.

Molly and Arthur made their way out of the room leaving Harry to his thoughts for the moment. Bill and Charlie followed by Fleur entered the door and walked in. Harry quickly told them about the place he had been while in a coma and about some of the conversations.

"I saw Fred and he asked me to give you all a message. Bill he told me to tell you to take care of your wife and Charlie he said to hurry up and find your self one." After a few giggles they headed out. "Hey guys could you please explain what is going on so I don't have to keep telling the story I'm really starting to get tired and I want to finish tonight while it's fresh in my mind."

Bill said that they would as he left the room. Harry waited for quite some time before Percy knocked on the door. Harry looked up kindly as Percy sat next to his bed.

"Bill told you what was going on?"

"Yes I wasn't sure I wanted to come up. I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the message Fred gave you."

"Percy that is exactly why you need to hear it. Fred asked me to tell you that he forgives you for leaving the family and that his death wasn't your fault. He said he needs you to forgive yourself. He also wants you to be happy again."

"I don't know when but I'll try."

"Perce you'll be happy again. Maybe not right away but you'll find your happiness again. Could you send Ron up please? I am saving George for last because his might take the longest."

"No problem Harry." Percy said as he left the room. A few minutes later Ron entered with Hermione.

"Sorry mate I didn't want to hear this alone."

"It's ok Ron. Fred asked me to tell you that he loves you. Ron you've made him proud. He told me to tell you that."

Ron sniffled loudly into Hermione's shoulder. She smiled at Harry just glad to see his eyes looking back at hers. "Harry please don't do that to us again." She asked.

"Hermione I will try not to honest I will. I'm sorry I don't have a message for you."

"Harry the message to Ron is all I needed. To see him realize how proud people are of him. It's enough."

"Could you send Ginny up?"

A few minutes after they left Ginny reentered the room. She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed his hair lovingly.

"Harry I'm still so sorry I didn't think before I spoke. I've never stopped loving you. Not once."

"Gin It's ok. I forgive you I know I've said things before with out thinking. I never stopped loving you either. I have a message from Fred for you. If you would like to hear it?"

"Yes I would."

"He says that he loves you and he's in a good place now."

"Some how I knew he would be. Did he tell you anything that sunk in?"

"They all told me that it isn't my fault. I know you all have told me but hearing them say it. I can't describe what it did to me."

"I understand. It wasn't us you needed absolved from it was them."

"Yeah. Could you send George in please?"

"Of course I will."

George entered nervously as Harry yawned.

"Harry you look exhausted."

"I am. I hope they told you about what is going on."

"They did."

"If you don't mind I'm just going to tell you. I don't want to leave you in suspense. Fred asked me to tell you to please get the joke shop back up and running. He wants to hear people laughing again. He also said that he loves you and he'll see you again someday when your old and grey." Harry knew he added some to the message this time but he knew that George needed to hear it.

After several minutes of calming George down he asked him to send the Dursley's up. Petunia nearly ran into the room. She hugged him carefully afraid of hurting him more. Vernon and Dudley offered their hands for a shake which Harry did gladly.

"I'm sure you don't understand everything. But I have messages from Mum and Dad and Professor Snape to you all." Harry said.

"Molly explained how this can happen." Petunia said honestly.

"Mum and Dad want you to know that they forgive you for how you all treated them and myself. Mum wants you to know that she still loves you. Professor Snape asked me to tell you that he is sorry that he didn't protect your sister as he should have."

Petunia cried softly into Vernon's shoulder. Dudley rubbed his mother's back. "She still loves me." Petunia said softly.

"Aunt Petunia I know mum would want us to have a relationship. If you are willing to try so am I."

"I am Harry. Let's try."

After a few minutes of conversation and plans for visits he asked them to send Andromeda up. She entered quietly with Teddy and sat next to the bed. She smiled at him as he finally found his strength again.

"I'm sorry I'm just really tired. Dora and Remus asked me to tell you that they are sorry that they died and left you and Teddy. But they think you are doing an amazing job with him. They love you very much and they love Teddy."

"Harry I couldn't do it with out you."

Harry smiled at her.

"I'm going to leave you now so you can get some sleep. I'll have someone come up to sit with you for a while." Andromeda said as she gave him an awkward hug.

She left the room and Harry laid down. By the time that Ginny and Molly got there He was fast asleep. Ginny and Molly sat up for a while before Molly sent Ginny off to bed. She sat with Harry for a few hours before Petunia came in and sat with him. Harry wouldn't be left alone that night. It was as if they all thought that him waking was a dream. But they all hoped it was a new beginning.


End file.
